Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

[MoonBaby1]

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

@FourTeaFallOut is bang on. Weed is harmful anyway, but mo more so than alcohol. Actually, possibly less so, except that most people choose to smoke it, which is in itself harmful.

What makes it harmful to the user is the fact that it is illegal. This means that it might be stronger than the user thinks and too strong to use in any sort of quantity. It also means it ends up being mixed with other substances, which can make it more harmful. Regulation if it was legal would make it less harmful.

Also, the black market would be unnecessary (although I imagine it would still exist, on a smaller scale, as it does for tobacco and alcohol). This would greatly improve matters for people along the supply chain.

It's great to make a well thought out, sensible argument, that it should be legal. I don't disagree that it should be.

But doing so as you merrily light up an illegal spliff means you lose the high ground really. Also you slowly lose the wit to argue any point sensibly IME, but that's another matter.

I'm a 60 something and it wouldn't bother me. I think that cannabis will be - and should be - legalised for personal use in the near future. There are many places where it already is. We were in LA last month and you could smell it everywhere. Personally I have never smoked anything ever but I prefer the smell of weed to cigarettes. And as to pipes and cigars - yeuch!!

We have a neighbour who does it. Their house is about 50 metres from ours but you can still smell it. It’s revolting, and absolutely people are judging you, and I don’t think they will think you are a nice family at all.

For me, this isn’t about it being illegal, but the impact the smell has on your neighbours.

I assume none of those talking about how awful it is to use something that alters the way your brain works never drink tea or coffee?

I think you'll find most people's main objection is to the smell which pervades everything.

Not 'looking down on you' at all. But I would be concerned, I don't do drugs myself and would be upset to find a neighbour was, I would also be worried about mental health issues as I have experience of someone who suffered badly as a result of weed.

I wouldn't look down on you because I'm not a judgemental upstart and have other things to concern myself with.

assume none of those talking about how awful it is to use something that alters the way your brain works never drink tea or coffee?

Show me the inpatients suffering from acute psychosis as a result of too much tea and I will quit drinking it.

Yes, I would judge and do everything I could to get rid of you/ the weed in my neighborhood. I wouldn't let my DC play with yours or visit your house. I wouldn't be friends with someone who I knew smoked weed.

I grew up around adults who smoked weed and most likely had the same attitude as you that's it's harmless. Not cool to normalise drugs. I also agree with a PP that your kids will be the ones introducing weed to their friends as teens because it'll be acceptable to them.

In mind of the numbers of posts about the offensive small I'm curious how it works in Canada, south Africa, the states in US? Like where can people smoke it? Do they have to be indoors?

I'd be annoyed about it stinking up the place, though I probably wouldn't be saying anything.

I live in a terrace and if the police make a dawn raid on my immediate neighbours, it's going to wake us up too. That's if the police don't bust my door in instead by mistake.

I wouldn't be friends with someone who I knew smoked weed.

Well that's one less person they'd have to share their stash with

I am frequently subjected to the offensive smell of fast food outlets, diesel fumes etc, cooking smells from my neighbour, smell is everywhere, cannabis is just another smell I don't personally find it offensive but I suppose to those who do it's because it says 'illegal drugs' and they have a knee jerk reaction?

@speakball

I am not even joking when I say that I imagine legal cannabis smells better!

Weed when my parents were young, I am told, does not even compare to what people smoke now. It has been bred / modified to be as strong as possible and it does really stink. I used to say I liked the smell, but honestly, it fucking reeks these days. Where I live anyway. I smell it in people's cars as they drive past (hopefully not the driver). This is in a naice rural market town near London. Rank.

Probably different, less pungent strains. In the UK, it never used to stink as much as it does now.

If it's legal and people have choices, they will tend to buy the strain that makes their clothes stink the least, surely?

I suppose it's like the knee-jerk reaction I get when I walk past McDonald's ....I smell that smell and I think 'toxic food, heart attack diabetes obesity'
Other people smell it and think 'mmm yeah I want some' but to me it's dirty and poisonous

I haven’t had a chance to read all the answers but I think trying to defend myself is fairly pointless now. I think I’m lucky to have more open minded neighbours than some of the posters on here. One point though. It did not affect my children’s lives at this moment. They are still young and whilst the elder boy knows Daddy smokes he doesn’t know the difference in the smells. I’ve taught him that smoking is yucky and grim and that he doesn’t want to copy his dad. He agrees.

Not really rhino. Food is not a toxin. We all have our likes and dislikes and I am no friend of McDonalds, but it is not a toxin, inebrient or poison.

People who spray perfume in confined spaces should be first against the wall in the smell stakes

Followed by anyone with a fucking log burning stove.

OP, you will be the talk of the neighborhood. You're deluding yourself if you think people haven't talked about your husband's habit and you think you're viewed as 'the nice family with two boys'.

It does smell, regardless of whether you feel like it doesn't. It must do for someone to have mentioned it.

People are very polite, but you will be more than likely getting gossiped about.

Your husband is a habitual drug user.

@BeatriceTheBeast as you like! I don't recommend it for teens, have met many who started young & smoked themselves into a state. But as an adult who has read up on the dangers and can think for myself. I can do without people clutching their pearls at something that is overall not as harmful and dangerous as alcohol. You too

OP you are mad if you think your partner will stop his habit when the kids are old enough to know the difference.

He's engaging in an illegal activity in front of your kids and all of your neighbours know about it.

You posted because you wanted to know what people honestly think about your family and now you are pretending that your neighbours will somehow magically feel differently.

Another intelligent, well thought out post asleep.

I can't argue with the wilfully ignorant, so I guess we'll leave it there.

I think I’m lucky to have more open minded neighbours than some of the posters on here
But you don't do you? Your neighbour has made it clear he doesn't like. You just don't care.

Someone in the cottages adjacent to our garden smokes weed. We regularly have visits from social services, regarding our adult daughter who has learning difficulties, and who is having big meltdowns at the moment, after a trauma.

It really bothers me that our front garden stinks of weed. It hits you at the garden gate. I feel as though if I say something, I’ll be seen as being defensive, but I want them to know I haven’t just put a spliff out when I heard their car pull up!

I think to do it in an area where it will regularly create an unpleasant smell for your neighbours is thoughtless.