Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

[MoonBaby1]

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

There’s a businsss near my house (not backing on to, but vaguely near) and the old owner used to smoke weed when he locked up

I could smell it three large detached houses from mine.

Oh, and I rather suspect that the OP's husbands spliffs are in fact a combination of tobacco and cannabis, but hey, concerns about second-hand smoke are probably "pearl-clutching" to you, aren't they?

@Patsypie
You've said exactly what I was going to say
Why do you think it's acceptable behaviour for your husband to do that? If I was your neighbours I'd film it then report to the police for possession as my friend did last year
Think about the danger/risks potentially very dangerous modern slavery situations that bring that shite to your husband

He needs to Look at the bigger picture and stop being so bloody selfish!

If he's smoking a few a night that's going to be costing upwards of £300 a month?

I’d be judging you . I assume you’ll be ok when your boys are teenagers and start smoking it too?The mental health problems it can cause are well documented . Of course not everyone will be affected but it’s like a game of Russian roulette.

Yes I’d massively judge you, and I’d also be complaining to you about it if I was your neighbour. Despite you being in denial; it is scummy behaviour.
I think you are underestimating how much it stinks too, it most certainly is pungent and you are forcing your neighbour to inhale your drugs, which is hugely anti social.
But worst of all you are also setting a terrible example to your kids, you should be steering them away from a druggie lifestyle not being seen to condone it. I really hope that they are nowhere near old enough to know what you’re doing.

Yes.

Yes, I'd judge.
Mainly because its such a waste of money which could go towards things that benefit your whole family, a treat now and again (of the legal variety) is fine, but several spliffs every night is an expensive habit when you have kids and a house to run.
And your neighbour clearly can smell it, you keep saying no neighbours are close enough to smell it, and that its not the kind of weed where the smell travels.
The neighbour told you he can smell it! It can't really be made much clearer, your neighbours can smell it.
I lived in a flat where my downstairs smoked every night, kept all his windows open because he didn't like the smell. So I couldn't open my windows at all because I didn't like the smell, but still didn't stop the smell seeping in.
Thank god I've moved.
I'm 27, so clearly not a generational thing. Everyone I knew who smoked weed when I was at school are still smoking it and have amounted to nothing.
If they could come up with a way for people to have a legal high that doesn't affect me, then please do and I wouldn't give a shit what anyone was smoking. Smoking is legal but I HATE being stuck walking behind someone smoking and think its rude.
I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or any of the other recreations that are antisocial or affect others.

As a side note we all feel sorry for pot head dad’s (that’s what he’s called) kids. They shouldn’t have to stink, be driven by him or always be known as the kids of that dad.

@EvilPea report him? Is he driving his children home after school? Tell the school and they can take it from there if they think it’s concerning enough. Poor children.

I wouldn't judge you - I don't see it as any different from having a glass of wine to unwind. Although it does stink,which wine doesn't, and that might annoy the neighbours, not sure how you can get round that really. It makes me laugh when people say the hate it because it's illegal. Yes it's illegal but I think alcohol is a far more dangerous drug and that is apparently fine.

If I could smell it all the time, I would be furious. The smell makes me want to vomit.

I’ve used weed in the past myself but if people can smell it then it’s not ok. It’s no different to smoking a regular cigarette. Your body your choice but inflicting bad smells on others is antisocial. Can’t he use edibles or smoke inside or something?

It's horribly abtisocial, OP, as the stink really spreads. It's pervasive and really sticks around, as well.

I do also look down on anyone who uses illegal drugs, no matter how "nice" the family are. MN is very dismissive and minimising about cannabis use, but the fact is that some strains can really exacerbate (existing) or create mental health problems. Plus, of course, the drug trade (unless he's growing his own) is very complicit in human trafficking and slavery in the UK, and to an even greater level overseas. I realise most people are ignorant of this latter impact, but ignorance is no defence. So yes, I judge - and I wouldn't seek a closer relationship with neighbours like you. In fact, I used to have neighbours like you. I moved because I couldn't stand the stench: it has a way of working through every single crack anywhere.

At the end of the day, your neighbour has said he dislikes the smell.
For this reason, you'd be incredibly rude to carry on a behaviour which is clearly negatively impacting your neighbours.

FWIW I'd be utterly disgusted if my neighbours smoked weed in the garden, even more so if they had young children.
The dangers of cannabis are massively understated by most because its seen as "cool". It absolutely is not harmless, and it's obscenely antisocial.

The pearl clutching on this thread is rather entertaining

Pearl clutching? At not wanting to explain to my children what that horrible smell is that they have to live with, without lying to them?

My Neighbours smoke it most evenings, it's worse in the summer and we're in the garden, it's all we can smell. It can be annoying when we're in the hot tub or having a bbq with friends. I'd rather they smoke it in the evenings instead of during the days. I don't judge them though, they're actually really nice people.

the 'victimless crime' people on here clearly don't know or don't care about cuckooing, knife crime, gang violence and county lines. Which are you, OP - don't know or don't care? Your saddo dope-head of a husband is supporting all these things.

at the very least, get him to move downwind of the neighbour.

He does it every night? Waster.

I’d judge you all day long 🤷‍♀️ ...well, you did ask!

Oh, and it’s never been ‘socially acceptable’ 😂

@Lolacat1234

No, alcohol is not fine. It is a dangerous drug too. They can both be dangerous and both are. Both are also antisocial and a drain on society.

Alcohol is worse in that it's everywhere and it's more normalised which tricks people into believing it's safe to have a cheeky bottle of wine every night. It isn't.

Weed is worse in that it is illegal and big dealers tend to be murky characters at best, due to the illegality of their trade.

Neither is good.

In my area, there have been several very dodgy strains of weed available, some of them cut with Spice. There's been a massive spike in drug-induced psychosis admissions as a result.

Social services are very quick to investigate drug use - particularly weed - in families with young children here. It's becoming a significant problem. Through my job (addiction services), I know 8 families currently on CP plans due to the parents' drug use, and the children's awareness of it. Half of those families have had their kids removed, with 2 of them facing permanent removal, because they simply didn't see an issue with smoking weed. SS are VERY hard on it here.

Your kids are probably far more aware than you think. Most of the families I know of were reported to SS by their children's schools.

Just for the ratio, I wouldn't judge you or him, and I would judge anyone that would. But maybe he could think about minimising the smell, by taking a walk or getting a shed.

I hate weed and would judge

The pearl clutching on this thread is rather entertaining

I think you are mistaking pearl clutching for people who understand the violence and crime behind drugs.