Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

[MoonBaby1]

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

Yes I'd judge and I'd be massively pissed off at the smell.

I’m not particularly against people smoking weed generally (each to their own) and I find the smell quite pleasant, however if I’m being honest I would judge you on some level if weed smoke was coming from your garden every night. Our neighbours do and although it doesn’t annoy me, it does colour the way I see them.

A few spliffs a night? Seriously? How much is he spending on it per week?

That is a huge level of usage, and I absolutely would be thinking of you as that family with the druggy.

It's a good thing for your children that he's doing it outside, but he's still being antisocial to everyone else.

I've previously been told by cannabis users that being in the same room as them smoking makes me go very pale, and I certainly get headaches afterwards, so he absolutely should not be smoking in the same house as his children.

I would suggest it's common knowledge in the village that your DH is a pot head. I grew up in small towns and it's well known and talked about - in the context of a family with young kids, it's not talked about favourably.

Not a drug user myself, but have dated a couple of pot heads. Yeah, not the sharpest tacks in the shed. One even admitted regular long term pot use had impacted his mental health and capabilities.

It stinks. You can smell it on people and in their houses.

The pearl clutching on this thread is rather entertaining

the stuff he smokes really isn’t that pungent

It's pungent enough to be noticeably turning up in your neighbour's breathing holes, and it's regular enough that they have mentioned it l.

It bears repeating: most people prefer to tolerate their neighbours' lifestyles and not eg call the police on them every five minutes, and not interfere in their lives.

That's tolerance and it's wonderful, but tolerance is actually a two way street. If you might be making someone else uncomfortable, or making them take your drugs, or putting them in a position they don't want to be in, then you can be more discreet just as they can leave you to it.

Give and take. They have been gracious and tolerant enough to mind their business, now be considerate enough that they no longer have to have any concerns.

I mean...pearl clutching is one thing, but I think genuine concern for a young ish man with children using this much weed every evening is perfectly justified.

Did I mention that one of the young men I knew, who I mentioned up thread, suffered MH issues after heavy weed usage for just a few years and then committed suicide? He discharged himself from the ward where he was hospitalised, said he was going to visit his mum and then went to some woods and hanged himself. This is just one example.

Is that entertaining enough for you? Did it give you a good lol?

Don't assume that the people who dislike drug use do so because they don't know what they are talking about or because they have no experience of being in those sorts of circles. IME, more often than not, it is the opposite. My friends would have laughed too at the 'pearl clutching' but it really isn't funny to some of them now.

Sure, plenty of people get away with it for a while...until they don't and it really isn't funny to me .

If he's standing just outside the house the smoke will be getting in even with doors closed. I did a course in stopping smoking recently and I think you need to stand 10 meters away from house for no smoke to get in.

Personally I'd be really annoyed if my neighbours smoked outside every night. It stinks, it's illegal and you've got kids. Sounds like he's addicted to me.

I'm not a fan of smoking in general, but if a neighbour was regularly smoking spliffs, I'd think that they were a bit rough, and be a bit worried what other dodgy stuff they were up to. I wouldn't want my children going around there for playdates.

I should also mention that I'm probably a bit overly judgey because I used to live in an area with a lot of blokes publicly smoking weed, and they were all antisocial scumbags that would deal in stolen goods and have sex with (or rather, groom and abuse) underage girls.

@BeatriceTheBeast I quite agree. Ask anyone who works in an adolescent mental health unit their views on cannabis use and mental health.
“Pearl clutching” is a stupid phrase anyway.

I'd judge. It smells revolting and it's just a bit pathetic for anyone over the age of about 16.

I think it's revolting.

I'd be concerned about your mental health, any kids you may have at home and I'd never invite you over for coffee etc.
I wouldn't trust you.

Myself and DH are both successful professionals with 2 DC. We are teetotal, and both smoke a joint in the evening once kids in bed. I think it's absolutely fine, and tbh I judge drinkers far more harshly. I know a lot of smokers who are lovely, normal people, but choose weed over alcohol. They are far nicer to be around than drinkers, but that's just my opinion.

OP, is there a way your DH can smoke in the kitchen with the door closed and window open? Leave it open all night to clear the air for the morning, then you don't have to fear judgey mcjudgeface neighbours and the fear they might report you? Not that the police would be remotely interested in you with all the other shit going on in the country.

@AsleepAllDay

The pearl clutching on this thread is rather entertaining grin

This place is like some internet black hole where logic doesn't apply. There was a thread yesterday where someone was clearly suffering extreme anxiety about germs. Not been back to read since but when I was on it there were lots of posters validating her unfounded and harmful beliefs.

The pearl clutching on this thread is rather entertaining
Always one that drags this bollocks, out to try and look cool and unfazed by anything ..

Interesting and heartbreaking story about a person with MS trying to grow cannabis for medicinal use for pain and symptom relief. They were using it to make brownies to avoid the revolting smell.
I have MS and so have sympathy for that.
Some neighbour smoking joint(s) everynight is not the same. I wouldn't assume medicinal need. I would assume selfish arsehole.

I would judge, same as i judge the people who are having a few bottles of a wine a night....
I have no issue with occasional drug use, a few joints when the kids are away, when it’s a night off.
But a few joints every night just seems a lot!

Absolutely

@Notbotheredatall of course you think it’s fine ! You’re weed smokers , you’re not going to judge yourselves are you..
and alcohol is legal so judge away..

I don't have particularly strong views on weed, support legalisation, have friends who smoke it and I've tried it (wasn't for me), but our new neighbour smokes it and the smell is vile. I don't know if it's mixed with something or what but it's absolutely grim and very strong so I can't really blame your neighbour.

Notbotheredatall

Are you aware of the guidance that parents shouldn't smoke tobacco inside the house?

Smoking cannabis with the window open is not going to cut it, any more than it does with cigarettes.

If the OP's husband is going to continue, he's be better off going for a long walk to do it. A few people where I live do that.

I have just seen that your dh smokes a "few" each night. I hope he never drives if he is using that much.

keepmydrivinglicence.co.uk/2019/03/can-i-drive-after-smoking-cannabis/

You are that family, that horse has well and truly bolted

I'd hate the smell, just as I would with cigarettes, so OP, please, if your neighbour mentioned the smell then it doesn't matter if your garden borders theirs or not, they can clearly smell it so your DH is being unreasonable, rude and antisocial for continuing in exactly the same way.

But I get the feeling you don't really care.

Yep. It fucking stinks.
There’s a dad at the school who stinks, it’s grim. He’s turned up to pick the kids up, clearly having just had one and I judge. I judge hard because it shouldn’t be around kids.

I’m not old and out of touch. But I do find the “just a bit of weed” thing odd. It is illegal, it is anti social and it’s funding all sorts of crimes - including murders of children.

Whilst I understands the benefits for pain relief, epileptics etc, your partners not using it for that he’s using uncontrolled doses of fuck knows what.