Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

[MoonBaby1]

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

I wouldn't look down on you. I like a smoke quite often but trying to cut down a lot. Know the source so no concerns about where the money is going.

However, we live in a nice area & I know the smell travels so I smoke it in the shed as I'm pretty sure my lovely neighbours wouldn't like it.

It's legal in a lot of places. I'd much prefer it if it were legal here.

Also it sounds as if you have a lot of stress going on in your life so I wouldn't be that bothered about aibu results. The filter thing sounds like a good idea though, or you can get vaporiser things that cut out tobacco & don't smell-not v nice though imo

@QuizzlyBear
Where do you buy your cannabis from? Or you too have a kindly friend who grows it for you .
Would you be happy to have you kids pick up your drugs for you? Or is this a job for other people’s kids

I assume none of those talking about how awful it is to use something that alters the way your brain works never drink tea or coffee?

. I mean, is that really the sort of stuff you say in real life about someone smoking a joint? Seems like a huge over reaction tbh.

My neighbours regularly smoke it and every time I step into our communal hallway and it stinks of weed then yes I feel angry and disgusted by them for forcing me to smell it and explain to my children what that smell is. I don't want that vile smell to be my children's "normal" so yes I am angry in the moment and I think of those who smoke it in very low terms.

My ndn (acronym for next door neighbour... a Mumsnet first? 😄 ) smokes weed but I know they have various ailments and I believe it's for pain relief. I prefer that to the pipe smoke as that fucking reeks

I assume none of those talking about how awful it is to use something that alters the way your brain works never drink tea or coffee?
I know this just a question to poke but I gave up tea and coffee about 18 months ago and only drink alcohol once a month if I'm out and it has been a shock the difference it has made to me!!

Yep I’d look down on you.

It is illegal and stinks. Any use of an illegal drug does clearly make you a ‘drug user’. Maybe not on the trainspotting scale but an illegal drug user nonetheless. If you don’t like it you know what to do.

Your neighbour can clearly smell it or they wouldn’t have been able to comment. Quite simple really.

@Cantdoleft you'd assume right. I've never drunk tea or coffee, no. I was never given it as a child and just never developed the habit. I don't drink alcohol either.

I don't think tea or coffee is in any way analogous tbh. Certainly never seen a work colleague slumped over their desk, barely able to speak, after a Nespresso!

@SerenDippitty That's not always true though. The antisocial behaviour around alcohol is a whole lot worse than cannabis. The effects last a lot longer than a bit of smoke, too.
The park near me is littered with broken beer bottles and sick. Every day there are Facebook posts about dogs cutting their feet and kids unable to play. Also the loud parties, the fights and the awful 2am karaokes. A lot of people who use cannabis are tucked up in bed with a full belly, binge watching a Netflix series.

I would definitely judge you. Smoking weed is disgusting and I hate the smell. I would be reporting (although I know the authorities wouldn’t do anything). I don’t mind the smell of cigarettes but weed stinks and really bothers me. He must smell himself and I’m sure it has a negative impact on your family. Could he get support to stop?

I wouldn't judge.
I know several medicinal users so I'd assume medical.

Yeah bear in mind that that Second Coming thread had a quarter voting it could happen. On the face of it it looks like a quarter of the mumsnet believe that jesus will return. I suspect that's not the case. Most mumsnetters weren't sufficiently interested enough in the issue to even open the thread. Its not randomised research.

My ndn (acronym for next door neighbour... a Mumsnet first?

It crops up a lot, including on this thread.

I expect PARROT has been used as an acronym too (Popular Acronym Routinely Read On Threads).

People I know who smoke weed longterm and habitually, like your DH, have longterm mental health problems (depression, anxiety etc). I would hate for my dc to get in to that. So yes, I would be very unhappy about having a neighbour smoking weed every night.

Not sure what your age comment is about in the OP. Our neighbour (late 60s) has the odd spliff and we (40s) think he’s a loser. Your DH isn’t cool and is setting a crap example to your DC.

I wouldn't care he smoked it, but would be telling him we can smell it which is not ok.

I would be concerned how a father can care for his children having a few joints every night. I would say the same about anyone drinking every night as well. There's something wrong when someone needs to get high every single night. Let's face it, he is stoned out his box every night having smoked quite a lot. Give it 5 more years and the paranoia and anger issues will settle in. I speak from experience having had a parent that smoked it every day. I've never touched it myself, or anything else for that matter.

I do judge parents with bad habits. I think it's incredibly selfish and bad parenting to indulge in something that alters your abilities when your kids are in your care. Whether it be smoking weed, drinking or something more hardcore. If he was smoking it EOW while the kids were away at their grandparents or a friends house or he was out and not around the kids, fair enough. It's not a good childhood seeing your parent glazey eyed and not making much sense most of the time. He is selfish. If he wants the stoned life, he should have stayed child free in my view!

I wouldn't like it because I absolutely hate the smell - it's becoming more and more common and you can't walk anywhere in our nearest city these days without wafts of the stench assailing you on every street. To have to put up with it in your own home/garden because of a neighbour? Nope. If he wants to smoke it, he should do it indoors. But of course he won't because it would impact your kids.

I don’t judge people for smoking weed per se, but I would be really sick if it if my neighbour smoked outside so that I could smell it in my house every night. Two a night every night is a lot.

I hate the smell (would also object to fag smoke drifting in every evening), and would hate it to be seen as a normal thing that people do in their gardens every night by my own kids.

Interesting that you perceived cardboard smile to be a potential issue for your neighbours but not string smelling weed smoke, night after night.
It must be horrible for them in summer.

Tell him to go to the far far end of the garden as far as possible from their windows.

And if he is prepared to sit out there in winter for so long, ask yourself if he has a problem.

Psychological dependency in weed is SO tedious.

It's illegal and it stinks. Every night as well? That's a lot of weed.

”Consuming a tiny amount of homemade edibles to manage pain does not make me a drug user hmm. It’s hardly trainspotting is it?!”

No but that’s exactly what you are doing - drug using. Do you really think your DC deserve to have two parents who are drug users?

People can say about alcohol, coffee etc but at the end of the day marijuana is illegal in the UK and you are bringing illegal activity into your home where you have young children and that is something a lot of people will judge you for.

OP you clearly think it’s ok and are looking for that sort of support, but the vast majority do not agree with you. Your home your decisions as parents; doesn’t mean they have to be popular opinion.

Nothing about generational either, I’m under 30 and think it’s awful and wouldn’t let my children to your home; my DH is 40 and thinks you’re probably just struggling a bit and he wouldn’t be too bothered. I think it depends on up bringing

So OP what are you going to do now?

Not a bloody thing, I shouldn't think.

I agree that alcohol is more antisocial to a point; ie while it is being used.

However, the burden on society of long term, chronic weed smokers, particularly young men, being hospitalised with acute psychosis and other serious MH conditions, is not insignificant.

Also, although alcohol is extremely damaging, (I should know, as my family is full of alcoholism and I am now teetotal as I've seen too much), I have never met a habitual weed smoker who has good mental or even physical health.

Yes, the same could be said for someone who drinks a bottle of wine every night, but that doesn't mean a few spliffs a night is a good idea for the user or society.

Neither is good. Both are antisocial.

OP asked and more than three quarters have voted and a huge number have written to say YABU but they still seem in denial. Assume this works for your neighbours as well, it means more than three out of four of them do not think you are respectable and look down on you for it. It won’t matter it’s just your husband because it will also be you by association.

Hate the smell of weed , makes me feel sick and yes I would judge .
I brought up ds in a council flat and my ndn was a drug dealer so the constant smell of it was in my flat and having to bring ds up with that was awful so now the smell reminds me of grimey council estates

I think you are delusional if you’re under the impression that you’re seen as a normal, boring family by the local community. Unless everyone else is at it too, you’ll be seen as the druggie family and people will be feeling sorry for your children growing up in a house with a dope head. Your partner definitely has a drug addiction and is at increased risk of mental health illness.