Would you look down on/think less of an otherwise respectable neighbour for smoking weed in his garden?

[MoonBaby1]

Sorry if this has been done To death. I know that mumsnet hasn’t famously been that accepting of any smoking but I wanted to see what other parents felt.

We are a respectable (I hope!) family with good relations with all our neighbours. No loud music, parties or bins left out etc.

My dh enjoys a few spliffs a night in our garden and it’s never raised any problems. Earlier today a very lovely neighbour we know and trust made a lighthearted joke about me burning a few cardboard bits left from Christmas (our garden does not border anyone else’s) when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark! ‘. Is it still socially unacceptable to smoke weed or is he a bit older and out of touch?

I’m now way overthinking this and I’m worried that people think we’re not a nice family because they can smell weed smoke. I know I shouldn’t worry what people think but it’s got under my skin! I’ve even name changed here despite being anonymous because I’m usually the nice SEN mum posting about special needs and diet.

I wouldn't judge you. I understand many people wouldn't appreciate the smell but it's not like he's main lining heroin. I'd ask DH to invest in a vape that would minimise the smoke and the smell.

cantdoleft I agree with your post completely. I think legalisation is needed.

Well so far the govt don't agree with you, so...I will continue to judge

Yes I would look down on you, and your subsequent post actually makes it worse.

You know you shouldn’t be doing it around your kids which is why you do it outside but it fucking stinks and I guarantee that if your neighbours can smell it your kids can too.

It’s also a massive migraine trigger and makes some people feel really ill.

I find it strange that you are still justifying it as okay OP. It is illegal, and that will mean that the majority of people will judge it. And they are quite within their rights to judge it. My neighbour smokes occasionally, and it annoys me. I can't imagine what it would be like if he smoked it every night.

And I do judge my neighbour as I don't think it is right to engage in illegal activity at all, but especially when you have kids in the house.

Yup, I would and do. It stinks, it makes my bedroom stink, it stops me sitting in my garden.

I like the smell of cannabis, but I would hate to have the smell constantly drifting over from a neighbour, and yes I absolutely would judge. It is illegal and antisocial.

I would absolutely judge you. It’s illegal, it stinks and doing it outside your house is antisocial as others are forced to smell it. I have had to live with smelling weed smoke from my neighbours both inside (through the walls) and outside in the garden in the past. I have found it disgusting and also quite upsetting, especially when my children were very young.

Why should other law-abiding people have to put up with the smell of illegal drugs around their home?

I would judge someone who did this, and wonder what other things they did in their lives and homes, if they think this is an acceptable thing to do especially if they do it when they have children in the house.

‘Junkies’
Wouldn’t bother me at all. Would someone having a glass of wine in their garden bother you? (Ok wine isn’t illegal, but booze does way more damage than weed)

The smell of weed is absolutely disgusting and I probably would secretly judge you for it. I do find it socially unacceptable.

I live near the end of a road and the man from the opposite corner house was chatting to me recently at my door. I commented when I suddenly smelt weed. He was really shocked and mortified and said he didn't realise I'd be able to smell it from my house and that it was his son smoking weed in the garden.

I've also been on a Mental Health First Aid course where the MH experts agree that many patients have smoked cannabis so I do regard it as something to be discouraged for the health and safety of the population.

I wouldn't judge the family, but I would judge the smoker a teeny tiny bit. I would NEVER say anything though! And I wouldn't let it change my (hopefully) pleasant demeanor with said neighbour. I don't like the smell though so I wouldn't be very happy about it being every single night.

I hate it. I'm lucky this doesn't happen where we live now but where we used to live it was disgusting people have no respect for the people that live around them especially in the summer when windows are open cheers for making my whole house smell of weed.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. Would someone having a glass of wine in their garden bother you? (Ok wine isn’t illegal, but booze does way more damage than weed)

Not a good analogy in this case. Having a glass of wine in the garden doesn’t impinge on anyone. You wouldn’t know they were doing it.

"when I said I hope the smoke is ok he said ‘better than the shite your fella smokes after dark!"

Your neighbour himself is telling you that your 'fella' is being antisocial to him. Does he smoke it at the furthest part of the garden? Does he stick to a specific time so your neighbour knows when to shut the windows?

I would judge too. Ok you haven't answered the many questions about why you dont care about the effect on your neighbours? Your neighbour stated he can smell it and clearly doesn't like it but you don't care how he feels?

That should say - OP not ok

Biber trust me the smell travels far worse than cigarettes (he smokes both my ndn)

I'm well aware of the smell of both. Tobacco makes me headachy and nauseous. Weed smells very nice to me, hash less good but still better than undiluted tobacco.

For me, coffee and skunk have similar delicious smells, but I don't like consuming either.

But interesting what you say about the way the different smells travel. I used to live in a house with a very long garden and a field at the end. My OH used to assume that going to the bottom stopped the smell going to the neighbours. Perhaps it didn't.

It's a really unpleasant smell and make some feel really quite sick. I find it really antisocial tbh.

@Quartz2208 I do have a neighbour who smokes it regularly. The only thing that annoys me is the neighbour the other side thinks it's me and is quite rude to me.

I’ve lived next door to a cannabis smoker.

If I was your neighbour I would do the following:
Report you to social services
Report your partners drug use to your children’s school
Call the police non emergency number EVERY TIME I could smell it.

I would also judge, judge, judge and I wouldn’t let my children anywhere near your family. I absolutely fucking HATE drugs. The dealer your partner buys from (because whether it’s a friend or not they are still a dealer) I would also report.

I would be polite, you’d have no idea how strongly I’d feel and how hard I was judging you but I would be SO furious to have to smell drugs again. Ever.

Honestly, my biggest regret was asking my neighbour nicely to stop smoking cannabis in the garden. I should have just reported him straight away.

Oh yes, and it fucking STINKS and it smells like death, despair and a waste of life. I will always, always report drug use when its anywhere near to children.

We’ve got an unusual/ old village set up where litaerlly no ones garden backs onto ours. We’re a nice family with two young boys.

Yes, I'd judge and yes I'd look down on you and your family. And I expect the rest of the village does too.
Great example to be setting to your children. Will your husband be sharing his stash with them when they are a little bit older?

Disgusting.

Most of the professional people I know smoke weed

What profession would that be?

OP, we're in the same boat - fairly rural home, no houses backing onto our garden and we share a couple of smokes when the kids are in bed as an alternative to a couple of glasses of wine (DB is an alcoholic so I'm anti regular drinking).

I worry a little about the neighbours smelling it but in truth, they'd have to be in our garden to do so.

If it's a real concern and you want to minimise the smell, may I suggest a vape? They do specialist ones for burning weed and they're less antisocial, smell-wise.

@moonbaby Nah, they're still at the pub, thankfully!

I personally would not look down on someone who smokes the occasional joint in their garden,

You seem to have interpreted comments like this as being on your side, but they've all been pretty clear that they'd be okay with occasional usage. Your DH is far from that... if you're going to claim it's 50/50, you need to be very clear with the people that are saying that it's fine that it's a couple every night. A couple most nights would be too much for most people.

I'm very each to their own and wouldn't say anything to you, but I'd probably be irritated by the smell at times, and honestly I wouldn't see someone smoking weed that regularly as being part of a nice, respectful family. He seems close to addiction.

But he definitely does smell it and has indicated he finds it worse than bonfire smoke. Many myself included have confirmed that we agree

So OP what are you going to do now?

I'd feel sorry for him and wonder what it is he is dealing with that makes him want to try and escape it every night. Imo it isn't normal to take substances that alter your mental state every day whether that is alcohol or drugs. It's very sad when people are at the point where they need to get stoned every night to help them cope.

I know people who smoke every day and they would say it's fine, it doesn't effect me at all, I'm a professional, blah blah. But take away their weed from them(I don't actually take it away, there is just times when they can't get it for whatever reason or can't go out for their smoke at the usual time)and they turn nasty. You can see them jonesing for it. Then there are some I knew in college who are now blithering, paranoid idiots due to their daily use.