Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more from the teachers?

103 replies

Namechange1946873 · 07/01/2020 19:40

Sorry this probably isn't a aibu but I am going to speak to my sons teachers in the morning and I wanted as many opinions as I could get.

My son is 5 and started reception in September since the start of term I have had to sign the accident book 6 times regarding another child hurting him. These have ranged from pushing him over to slapping him in the face and today punching him in the chest. When I went in to speak to the teachers about it I was told he has behavioural issues and doesn't understand playing, he loves my son and lashes out when he doesn't get his full attention. (apparently my son isn't the only one getting hurt but I am yet to find a parent who is in the same boat as me)
This childs parents and the school are working together to try and stop this, he isn't allowed out a playtime and can choose 1 friend to stay in with him.
Today when I signed the accident book my son had told the teacher it was an accident and that said child didn't mean it. After talking to DS he told me the child walked over and punched him in the chest during a game, I said this isn't an accident and he replied mummy he was just getting to excited, don't worry he's not very strong its doesn't hurt me.
I feel terrible that my DS is now making excuses for this child and I think it may be because the teachers have tried to explain that this child doesn't mean it.

I dont really know how to go about this as he is my PFB and I hate the thought of this kid being mean to him but what they are doing obviously isn't working and it need to stop?

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 07/01/2020 19:46

How wonderful your son is that he recognises this boy is struggling. He sounds lovely and inclusive. Not that he's making excuses.

How did this happen today if this boy isn't allowed outside? Sounds like school have a plan. You can ask them how they're protecting your son but sounds like they are trying.

Original poster
Namechange1946873 · 07/01/2020 19:51

It happened in the class clock room. It has happened 3 times since them explaining what precautions they have put in place.

OP posts:
schoolcats · 07/01/2020 19:53

This childs parents and the school are working together to try and stop this,

What more are you expecting them to do?

TabbyMumz · 07/01/2020 19:53

"apparently my son isn't the only one getting hurt but I am yet to find a parent who is in the same boat as me)"
How on earth would you know? Are you going round asking everyone?

3of50BookChallenge2020done · 07/01/2020 19:54

Does the child have a 1:1? It sounds like he needs support throughout the school day to help manage his behavioural issues and also his expectations of his peers.

I'm so sorry that your son is getting the brunt of it. He sounds like a kind and understanding boy. I completely understand that you don't want him hurt.

nobodyimportant · 07/01/2020 19:54

What do you think they should be doing that they aren't? It's hard to say if you are being reasonable without knowing exactly what has happened. Has your ds been really hurt or has it all been very minor? He doesn't sound like he's too upset by it for now. I'd worry more if he was. For now I would monitor and keep talking to school about it but it does sound like they are trying to deal with it. From the way you have described it I wouldn't think he's doing it to be mean to your ds.

Mamalicious89 · 07/01/2020 19:55

This sounds tough and I would be upset if it was happening to my daughter. The school do sound like they are trying to deal with it. What else would you like them to do? I imagine they are tight for additional support with budget cuts so not sure what else they can do? I feel for you. Your son sounds very mature and empathetic.

Peterspotter · 07/01/2020 19:56

Ah we have a boy that was like this. It was very difficult to manage as he has SN. The kids he hurt often took it in there stride as it was normal behaviour from him. They were all five at the time.

The school did take the mum to task though ( she told me about it) and he has a support worker with him now at all times. They are now 7 and in different classes.

It’s a hard situation your in as it’s not fair your child is being made to except sometimes people will hurt him.

Marriedtoapenguin · 07/01/2020 19:57

He's not making excuses. He's already accepting that this boy isn't the same as him but that this doesn't matter.

The school is doing what they can.

Be proud of your boy.

Cloudyyy · 07/01/2020 19:58

Aw OP, this would really upset me too. It may not be hurting him (yet) but why should your son learn to accept being punched in the stomach by anyone?! I would be requesting this child is kept away from mine if he cannot keep his hands to himself.

Original poster
Namechange1946873 · 07/01/2020 19:58

There was a class party recently with the majority of the class there yes I asked around I am new to this and wanted to know if anyone had taken it further.

Mostly minor yes he has has his face cut during the slap by a finger nail.

I think my main concern is if its isn't stopped now when these incidents are all still minor and what point does it become bullying? Do I have to wait for my child to really hurt himself?

OP posts:
BonnyConnie · 07/01/2020 19:59

Maybe you should take a leaf out of your son’s book and at least try to be understanding.

Original poster
Namechange1946873 · 07/01/2020 20:01

I have never dealt with anyone with behavioural issues what can be done to stop them lashing out and hurting people? Do they grow out of it? Do they need additional support that I can ask is he getting?

OP posts:
noeyedeer · 07/01/2020 20:01

It's not unreasonable to expect the school to keep your son safe, and I would speak to the teacher, calmly, but it sounds like school are in a difficult position and are doing things behind the scenes. FWIW I have been in this position as a teacher, and when an incident has happened had to speak to other parents, but I was also trying to the put plans in place to stop similar incidents happening. It's not necessarily a quick process to get extra support.

Your son sounds likes a lovely, kind, caring and empathetic young man, so you are obviously doing a stunning job with him.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 07/01/2020 20:02

Ask them what they are doing to keep your child safe. You can't discuss the other child so focus on yours, it's a reasonable question and you should ask for specifics.

I have a child with difficulties and "we are working with the parents" can mean stuff all. Not letting the child outside isn't really an indicator that they have a workable plan. He sounds like he needs to have support at play time and structured activities really.

Proseccopeach · 07/01/2020 20:05

They need to keep your child safe. They are not doing that. Ask for your child to sit somewhere away from him and make sure your son knows not to forfeit his playground time to sit with boy inside.

Your boy is credit to you but how long before the other boys challenging behaviour effects the class learning?

noeyedeer · 07/01/2020 20:05

You can't expect to be told the details of any extra support the boy is getting. You might get a reassurance that he won't be unsupervised in the cloakroom. It's not unreasonable to ask that the school gives your son some breathing space if necessary.

Bullying is defined as seeking to harm someone. It doesn't sound like this is the case, but it does need to be kept a close eye on.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 07/01/2020 20:05

Oh and I know you are worried but please don't "Ask around" that's just gossiping and not nice.

Sh05 · 07/01/2020 20:06

If this child has behavioural problems then it must be difficult for his parents. of course he may not be purposefully hurting your son but it doesn't seem as though the precautions they have put in place seem to be working if you have had another 3 incidents since then and that must be heartbreaking for you.
Budget cuts are difficult on all schools but nobodies child should have to suffer because of them.
Not sure what the solution is though😐

Thefaceofboe · 07/01/2020 20:12

Can I just ask op, in what way would you take it further? Pull your child from the school? Genuinely curious. Your son seems lovely x

Original poster
Namechange1946873 · 07/01/2020 20:15

In all honesty I have no idea what I would like them to do i just don't want my son getting serousoly hurt or it start to affect him and his love of school and learning

OP posts:
Dandelion1993 · 07/01/2020 20:17

If its not an accident don't sign the accident book.
Tell them you'll sign it once you've had a chat with them.

Amaretto · 07/01/2020 20:17

Actually, i agree with your @Sh05.
The fact the child has some behavioural issue is an explanation, not an excuse and your ds should not be taught to accept things such as being hit ‘bevause he doesn’t mean it’.
I mean, imagine it was an adult woman. Would anyone be expecting her to put up with being hit because they person didn’t mean it’?

I don’t think it’s about going to see the school all guns blazing. It’s about asking them how they are going to protect your ds (being hit 6 times in one term is a lot!). And what sort of message they are giving to the children - aka the difference between being nice and considerate and being a doormat whose boundaries are walked over all the time.

ikeakia · 07/01/2020 20:22

Your son is awesome.

I don’t agree with the way you are viewing this. Follow your son’s lead.

BottleOfJameson · 07/01/2020 20:25

I think it's lovely that your son understands that this boy has issues causing him to lash out. I'd be proud of him.

That said the school do need to keep all children safe. If you're worried about your son's physical safety or if your son doesn't feel safe it needs to be addressed.