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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send flowers to a stranger?

81 replies

Pelicanpinkpants · 07/01/2020 14:35

Ok, so not a stranger per se, but my neighbour whom I have never really spoken to apart from the odd greeting hello.

She is going through a very difficult time at the moment (we are fb friends), and ever since, she just looks awfully sad whenever I see her.

I want to send her flowers to 'brighten up her day' and a card to say if she ever needs anything, just ask.

Is this a weird thing to do? AIBU to do this?

OP posts:

caringcarer · 07/01/2020 15:33

Could you make her a cake and drop around for her. She might invite you in for coffee. Tell her you are sorry she is having a difficult time.

Angelw · 07/01/2020 15:35

GetUpAgain’s post would do for me😊 xx

Mlou32 · 07/01/2020 15:38

Lovely idea. However I'd drop them off in person. It'll give you a chance to chat to her, if she needs someone to chat to.

Jaxhog · 07/01/2020 15:42

Lovely idea!

But don't do it anonymously. Someone did that to me once, and it still creeps me out.

ChicCroissant · 07/01/2020 15:46

I'd drop a small bunch off without hesitation, and have done in the past. It's nice to know someone is thinking about you when you are going through a tough time

ShoesandmoreShoes · 07/01/2020 15:46

How are you FB friends if you’ve never really spoken?

^This. How are you neighbours and FB friends but rarely speak irl?

Mrsmadevans · 07/01/2020 15:47

Pop in to see her OP she will be so pleased to see a friendly face, you could clarify that you are going round and will she be in on FB message before , then if she doesn't want to see you she can make an excuse

Lweji · 07/01/2020 16:00

It's not odd to send her flowers.
But it's odd that you are FB friends, you know about her life, want to send her flowers but won't talk to her directly when you see her looking sad.
Just talk to her, and offer your help directly, or a friendly ear or shoulder.

Bubblysqueak · 07/01/2020 16:01

I really wouldn't pop in with them. How many people on MN complain daily that uninvited, guests appear at their door (many don't even answer the door) and that is for the people they know, how would they feel about a stranger turning up?

I would definitely leave them on the doorstep with a note and your phone number.

agonyauntie2020 · 07/01/2020 16:04

+1 for take her a nice bunch in person and say your piece rather than put it on a card. You sound like a nice, thoughtful person OP and I wish there were more like you in the world.

SmileyClare · 07/01/2020 16:05

I like Mrsmadevans' suggestion- check on fb first if you can pop in. No one likes an impromptu neighbour "Pop in"

Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany · 07/01/2020 16:08

As others have said, don’t send them. Take them and speak to the poor woman.

BobbyBlueCat · 07/01/2020 16:14

Only in this day and age would two people spend 12+ hours a day within feet from each other, be 'virtually strangers', never had a conversation and yet be FB friends. Jesus Christ. It sounds like a Black Mirror episode....

And why on earth would you pay for delivery of some flowers when you can walk them two steps from your door to hers FOR FREE!

Don't just speak because she's having a hard time. Make 2020 the year you actually speak to your neighbours full stop, even when they're happy and content.
How do you know the person on the other side of you isn't on the verge of suicide? That the old lady opposite you hasn't spoken aloud to anyone in a month? Because it's not on Facebook?

UndertheCedartree · 07/01/2020 16:19

I think it's a lovely idea. It shows her you are thinking of her even though you haven't chatted much. When she thanks you for the flowers you can gauge whether she wants more of a chat/coffee. I personally would prefer the flowers rather than feeling pressured to talk about things by being asked over for coffee etc. Kind gestures can make the world of difference to someone.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 07/01/2020 16:21

I can’t imagine not talking to my neighbours, especially if they are your immediate neighbours and live next door.

Why don’t you nip round with your flowers and a card with your phone number on it. Say hello to her, hand her the flowers and say that you wanted to make sure she had your number in case she needed help anytime, or something similar.

UndertheCedartree · 07/01/2020 16:25

I would feel under so much pressure if a neigbour brought flowers round in person - I'd feel like I'd need to invite them in and that would be the last thing I'd want if I was having a difficult time. I would definitely leave them on the doorstop or get them delivered - it's a much gentler way to make contact.

WhenOneDoorClosesAnotherOpens · 07/01/2020 16:32

I can’t imagine not talking to my neighbours, especially if they are your immediate neighbours and live next door.

I don't think it's unusual to not speak to your next door neighbours. I think the weird part is that OP knows about her neighbour's personal life through FB. My neighbours are miserable gits and I avoid them which means we are not FB friends. If OP and the neighbour get on well via FB then why not chat irl?

Aridane · 07/01/2020 16:38

Oh goodness. If I were the neighbour, I would love the flowers and kindness of the gesture and sentiment. I would not, however, be thrilled with a face to face presentation of the flowers or being bounced into a coffee meet when I am feeling low

AutumnRose1 · 07/01/2020 16:38

I’m also wondering how well you know her through Facebook

Seems weird that you never speak but know all about her having a hard time. You must have spoken a fair bit in order to become Facebook friends?

Justaboy · 07/01/2020 16:38

Lovely idea:) But can I suggest you call and see her and try having a chat with her?, its what we don't do in this age of txts and eeee--mails!.

EntropyRising · 07/01/2020 16:39

I think it's a really lovely idea. Perhaps you should do homemade bread or something because it's more low-key? Drop it by and keep your antennae up to see if she's up for guests or not.

I've lived in my house for donkey's years and our neighbour stopped by, apropos of nothing, a couple of months ago. Now we text all the time and are organising a neighbourhood drinks.

schoolcats · 07/01/2020 16:39

Personally I wouldn't want a neighbour to get me flowers, my private life is my own business. I wouldn't add them on FB though so they don't get to see anything - in fact I've blocked all my neighbour on FB on the odd occasion they have come up as a 'person you might know' or on the local FB page.

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 07/01/2020 16:42

Would creep me out.

namechangetheworld · 07/01/2020 16:48

I personally think it's a bit creepy, but if you're set on making a gesture leave something on the doorstep. It's odd to have flowers delivered to someone who literally lives a few feet away.

SallyWD · 07/01/2020 16:51

It's lovely. Do it. I wish more people were like you.

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