AIBU to think it's weird that my GP lied to me?

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I've been going to the same GP for years, and saw her fairly regularly for several years for a chronic condition. In her office, she has photos of herself and her 2 sons; in the past she has talked to me about her sons and I'm certain that when we've talked about holidays she has said things like "The four of us were in X" meaning herself, her husband and her sons, or "My husband is working this weekend, so I'm taking the two boys up to my mum's house" etc. All things which indicated that she has 2 sons and no other children.

Anyway, I had an appointment recently (having not seen her in ages), and in conversation I mentioned that my niece is choosing her secondary school at the moment. She asked which ones she's considering, and I mentioned the name and she said "Oh, my daughter went there, it's a good school". I was surprised because I'd never heard her mention a daughter, and because I know her sons went to a local posh private school and it seemed odd that her daughter would go to the local state school. Didn't say anything as it would have been strange, but it seemed weird so it had stayed in my head.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend who knows the GP (friend's mum lives next door to GP) and a one point she mentioned seeing GP over Christmas. That reminded me of the conversation so I asked her whether GP has a daughter. She said no, just 2 sons. Also definitely no step children, foster kids or anything like that.

It's just a bit... weird. I mean, I don't really care how many kids she has, but it's made me feel like I can't quite trust what she says. I know GPs probably don't want patients to know about their private lives, but surely they'd just not talk about it?

AIBU to think this is strange and to actually be a tiny bit upset that she appears to have lied to me?

Your over investment in your GP's private life is really odd, OP. It's just so nosy. You never know what's going on in other people's lives. For example, I have virtually no contact with my brother, due to childhood SA that we all went through. I'm very close to my DSis, though, as we've been supporting each other. My brother was a victim, too, but he was also a perpetrator, and now he says he remembers nothing. (We all repressed the memories, but they came flooding back for DSis and me when we had our DC.

Imagine how it would feel for me if someone suggested I was lying about having a brother, as I'd never mentioned him before? I would probably want to say, 'Get off my case, what on Earth is it to do with you whether I have one brother or 3 brothers??'

I know someone who had a child as a teenager, who is now grown up with her own kids, and also had a second child with her now husband. There's about 18 years between the two children. It's also possible that the doctor was taking about a step child. I really don't think it's likely to have been a lie. Families can be complicated.

My inference would be that her dd is an adult and went to school before the family had enough money for private (and/or was the child of a first marriage).

Yours is that she's a liar.

Doesn't that tell you something undesirable about your own thought processes?

I honestly told someone I have a daughter and not a son. They were talking about their daughter and I was only half listening and I said 'oh my daughter does that too'. I didn't bother to correct myself at the time as it wasn't someone see often and only in a remote work context but now, thanks to this post, I'm wondering about the 'web of lies' that people might assume I am spreading.

Dyrne, it's lying. I'd rather talk about something else, or talk about family in general terms, than actively make up family members.

Or... she could be doing that Mumsnet thing of changing personal details to give herself a bit of anonymity and/or to oil the wheels of everyday conversation, in such a people-centred role.

Sharing accurate personal details about your unwitting family, when dealing with the public, a proportion of whom are unhinged, is not really a good idea.

I’m pretty sure that anyone who may have lost a child would still always include them in their family. That’s one explanation. Another is that you don’t need to know any of her business. She could be mentioning her children ( be they real or not) as a way of rapport building.

Either why why are you bothered.

Given what you say about things not adding up and your friend’s mum’s relationship with her I would assume it was a technique she’s developed to try and improve doctor/patient relationships. Feeling like you have a connection with your doctor where you’re on the same footing in some way should, in theory, make you more at ease and less likely to hide symptoms I would have thought. She probably has a bazillion relatives that have done virtually everything under the sun if you add up all the tales she’s told all her patients!

If I had some of the same not quite adding up feeling about her medical advice I would move doctors immediately. But otherwise I’d probably just ignore it. Though, as PP suggests, I would be tempted to see if I could get her to claim specific things.

DarlingNikita yes it is lying, but you’re not going to make me feel guilty for changing DD to DS, tweaking ages, changing DP’s job. I really can’t avoid talking about it sometimes and some of my customers are really not the sort of people I want to be digging into my family life.

I find it weird that you’ve been trying to do some detective work. You’ll be trying to find the GP on Facebook, Instagram or Linkedin next?
It was probably a slip of the tongue, god daughter, friend’s daughter. Or they were switching key info for anonymity reasons. Also, I find it strange you and they have time for chit chat during a GP appointment.

I have no idea what the answer is but I am another who finds it odd that she engages with all this chit chat during consultations. This is highly unusual.

Your over investment in your GP's private life is really odd, OP.

The OP isn’t invested in her GP’s life at all. The GP offers personal details at appointments that the OP hasn’t asked for but, as a polite, sociable person, she does listen to. When an anomaly popped up it was a puzzle to be solved - just a curiosity, not an investment. It is quite normal for people to be curious about things that don’t add up.

I go the doctors for medical help, not to take notes on their personal life. I find this post abit odd. I would just forget about it and move on personally xx

I think it's very weird. Very weird that you have the time to fixate on something that is none of your business. Very weird to post it up here. And even weirder to judge your doctors medical skills based on this. She has a really weird patient

The thing is, I've no real interest in her private life. I don't ask these things, she just randomly tells me. Like she's told me about a health condition she suffers from, treatment she was having for it etc - I really didn't ask or initiate any of the conversations, I just wanted to talk about my medical concerns.

I could totally understand her making stuff up if I'd asked her a question and she didn't want to answer. But I'd never ask her personal questions, it's none of my business as everyone has said.

One reason it makes me uncomfortable is that she had told me she has the same chronic condition that I have, and she has sometimes told me things about her symptoms and how she feels. And I know she could be making it up to build rapport, but I just feel kind of uncomfortable with that - I'd rather she just said "I understand that X symptom can make sufferers feel y" or something like that.

Overall I find her a bit of an over-sharer, tbh, and I think that's why I don't like finding out that she's making stuff up! I'd rather just not know!!

Maybe she meant daughter in law? My MIL refers to me as her daughter all the time

I'd rather she just said "I understand that X symptom can make sufferers feel y" or something like that.
Totally agree. You don't need to have the same issue as someone to be able to have a professional understanding of it or sympathise with them about it.

Thank you @BoomBoomsCousin, that's exactly it! I don't hugely care, I'm just a bit baffled about why she'd make up stuff when I haven't asked!

I have done this. Its when my brain is over full with stuff and it just slipped out. It was almost true, not quite, and not worth correcting...maybe the same thing happened to her?

Overall I find her a bit of an over-sharer, tbh, and I think that's why I don't like finding out that she's making stuff up! I'd rather just not know!!

Well she's undersharing real stuff now and you don't know what's going on in her private life, so all is well!

She probably just changed details like people do on MN to avoid being outed. She's being friendly while avoiding all of her personal life being known locally.

It's her prerogative and while I guess I can understand thinking ooh I wonder why she said that I cannot imagine being "upset" about it which is what you said originally.

She does a difficult job and probably has loads of patients. Don't assume she's a liar for any other reason than putting people at ease. Chill

I'd think it was strange, too. Like you say, she's chosen to share a number of things with you, in respect of her personal life. She did not have to choose to share anything, but did.

If then, she contradicts herself, says something that makes no sense, then I'd be puzzled. And question if she was someone I could trust, if she could lie like that.

Why did you not just say 'oh, I didn't know you have a daughter!' Are the conversations usually so one-sided?

You are way over invested in the GPs life and her personal stuff is none of your business, you go to see a GP for treatment not to be so bloody nosey about her family FFS

PortiaCastis, perhaps you haven't read or comprehended what the OP has said? 'I don't ask these things, she just randomly tells me…I really didn't ask or initiate any of the conversations'.

But starting a thread about someone else's personal details and calling them a liar isn't very nice is it.