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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think it's weird that my GP lied to me?

155 replies

CameraTime · 07/01/2020 13:04

I've been going to the same GP for years, and saw her fairly regularly for several years for a chronic condition. In her office, she has photos of herself and her 2 sons; in the past she has talked to me about her sons and I'm certain that when we've talked about holidays she has said things like "The four of us were in X" meaning herself, her husband and her sons, or "My husband is working this weekend, so I'm taking the two boys up to my mum's house" etc. All things which indicated that she has 2 sons and no other children.

Anyway, I had an appointment recently (having not seen her in ages), and in conversation I mentioned that my niece is choosing her secondary school at the moment. She asked which ones she's considering, and I mentioned the name and she said "Oh, my daughter went there, it's a good school". I was surprised because I'd never heard her mention a daughter, and because I know her sons went to a local posh private school and it seemed odd that her daughter would go to the local state school. Didn't say anything as it would have been strange, but it seemed weird so it had stayed in my head.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend who knows the GP (friend's mum lives next door to GP) and a one point she mentioned seeing GP over Christmas. That reminded me of the conversation so I asked her whether GP has a daughter. She said no, just 2 sons. Also definitely no step children, foster kids or anything like that.

It's just a bit... weird. I mean, I don't really care how many kids she has, but it's made me feel like I can't quite trust what she says. I know GPs probably don't want patients to know about their private lives, but surely they'd just not talk about it?

AIBU to think this is strange and to actually be a tiny bit upset that she appears to have lied to me?

OP posts:
loulou0987 · 07/01/2020 13:42

I would assume a much older daughter perhaps from a previous relationship? It wouldn’t bother me at all .

NuffingChora · 07/01/2020 13:43

Exactly what @HollowTalk said.

Step away.

Inherdefence · 07/01/2020 13:45

A stepchild or foster child maybe? Or perhaps (like a friend of ours) she has a child who changed started a gender change in their late teens. The parents completely support the change but it can lead to gender confusion in conversation, particularly when referring to them before the change (ie my friend now has two sons but raised a son and a daughter).

ViaSacra · 07/01/2020 13:45

What do you think is more likely?

Your GP invented a daughter, or you misheard her?

CameraTime · 07/01/2020 13:46

I know, I'm being nosy, but she's told me quite a lot of personal stuff (completely unprompted) over the years and, looking back, there have been a several times that it just hasn't added up. Of course she doesn't have to tell me anything at all, it's none of my business, but I don't get why she'd make things up like that.

I don't think it was a slip of the tongue; she went on to talk about the school a bit and talked again about her daughter going there.

And she's very good friends with my friend's mum, so she'd know if there was an older daughter or something. Obviously she wouldn't tell me if there was something secret about the story, but then why would the GP tell me?

As I said, it's not actually the existence or otherwise of the daughter that bothers me, it's more that I guess I've felt for a while that some of what she tells me doesn't quite ring true. I don't know whether that's something GPs do to make patients feel more comfortable with them or something.

OP posts:
MarySidney · 07/01/2020 13:47

I would assume a much older daughter perhaps from a previous relationship?

That would be my first thought too. Why jump to the conclusion that someone is lying when there could be a perfectly simple explanation?

Snowpatrolling · 07/01/2020 13:48

I work in the healthcare profession, as far as my service users know I have 2 children (they think boys) they are actually 2 girls! And they think I’m married. (I’m divorced)
I lie about the school they go to and where we live.
People can find out so much information about you from just a tiny drip feed. I dont like people I don’t know we’ll knowing to much about me. Probs due to my abusive marriage. As a patient I’m afraid you do t have a right to know any personal info other than what the gp chooses to disclose.

AzraiL · 07/01/2020 13:48

It's irrelevant.

If she's a good doctor (and I'm guessing she is if you've been going to see her for years) then by all means continue to see her.

That's all that should concern you.

onanothertrain · 07/01/2020 13:49

Perhaps she suspects you're a nosy gossip and it was a test.

gamerchick · 07/01/2020 13:50

Sounds like a well weird thing you've got going on with regards to your GP OP. Maybe you should see another one. Your behaviour isn't comfortable.

easyandy101 · 07/01/2020 13:50

Why on earth would she lie for any disingenuous reason?

It's the pointless nature of the possible lie I'd be concerned about

And regards what would i do about it?

Seek a second opinion more often most likely 😂

gamerchick · 07/01/2020 13:51

With a bit of luck she might be a mumsnetter, see this thread and refuse to see you again.

Winterinthecity · 07/01/2020 13:52

It's probably a slip of the tongue or she got her word's mixed up and meant to say 'friend's daughter' etc.

Either way it's not really anything to get worked up over even if she's a GP.

If she lied to you e.g. re your test results being wrong or something then you'd have cause to not be happy.

ViaSacra · 07/01/2020 13:52

This has reminded me of a patient many moons ago who refused to see me anymore because ‘my dog had attacked her.’ When informed that I didn’t and never had owned a dog, she claimed I was lying.

I presume she must have had an unpleasant encounter with a woman who looked a bit like me when she was out walking her dog, but her insistence that I was lying was rather strange...

Amaretto · 07/01/2020 13:52

I suspect that things that haven’t added up is basically because she is telling a very edited version of her life.
Sometimes HCP also tell you think like ‘oh yes I do that too/my dd has done xx too’ as a way to create a connexion with the patient. Mind not be the right way but I pretty sure it works 99% of the time..
She might also have been in the receiving end of many people being extremely nozy so she is now used to say platitudes or tell people ‘oh yes I’ve done that too’ just get them off her back.

You need to let that go and realise that you will never ‘know’ anything about your Gp’s life

IrmaFayLear · 07/01/2020 13:56

I think quite a lot of people can get a bit silly about their GP, believing that the GP is their friend, or even that there's a chance of romance. Mil was utterly daft about her GP, calling him "a family friend" (he was no such thing) and giving him presents. In the end he moved her from his list as I assume he found her attentions uncomfortable.

I understand why some GPs might stick a (false) family photo on their desk or be a bit economical with the truth to ward off over-familiar patients.

Dyrne · 07/01/2020 13:57

I’m not a GP but often I’ll make up family members when I’m chatting to customers. It makes them feel at ease and sets a tone of friendliness and openness; while protecting my real family’s privacy.

Do you have anxiety similar, OP? It’s not really usual to be so invested in a stranger’s life to the extent you go asking around trying to ferret out little white lies they may have said (and the fact you’ve shown yourself to be so willing to push boundaries like this is possibly exactly why the GP fibs a little about her family).

foxatthewindow · 07/01/2020 13:58

I really don't think how many children she has, whether she's told you about them or whatever is actually any of your business. And I don't think you should waste time worrying about her life. And I say that as someone who gets on well with one of my GPs, and I do know the rough age and sex of her children because they are similar in age to my own. Another GP has children, but I don't actually know how many (possibly 3 or 4), and I don't really care. The further two GPs at my surgery I know almost nothing about, whether they have partners, their sexuality even. The reason for this is it's absolutely none of my business. They are all excellent GPs, which is the only thing I care about!

Wingedharpy · 07/01/2020 14:00

Could be daughter of a close friend or her niece, as others have said, who GP considers to be the daughter she never had.

Didkdt · 07/01/2020 14:00

I agree with @Snowpatrolling in some roles you present edited versions of your lives.
It may be she has started doing this because certain patients are stalky I do it sometimes at work when people ask or direct conversation towards family sometimes it's conversation others are fishing for details for all sorts of reasons. You seem to tall to a lof of people about this GP and I think that's far stranger than her editing her life

DarlingNikita · 07/01/2020 14:02

often I’ll make up family members when I’m chatting to customers
That's really weird.

I don't know the explanation here, OP, but I'd probably assume a slip of the tongue by her or a mishearing by you.

RhodaCamel · 07/01/2020 14:04

A genuine question here but how on earth does you gp find time to engage in idle chit chat with you? I struggle with the allotted time to even explain my health complaints to my gp before she tells me that time is nearly up and I’ll need to make another appointment to discuss any further issues!!

Wingedharpy · 07/01/2020 14:07

My DH once told the roofers ,who had completed work on our house, that we were looking after the Grandchildren at the weekend and he was concerned they may injure themselves climbing up their scaffolding.
We don't have any children!!🤣

Iggly · 07/01/2020 14:10

No wonder doctors are always late if they’re gassing away 😂

Dyrne · 07/01/2020 14:13

DarlingNikita why is it weird? If I refuse to talk about my family when asked it appears standoffish and can close the conversation down, when I need to create a comfortable atmosphere. By tweaking the truth I can chat away merrily without risking the privacy of my family.

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