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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really quite jealous of my DD

37 replies

lucyellensmum · 28/08/2007 15:43

My 17 year old DD seems to have found herself quite a nice young suitor. He is 21, although he looks about 12 and is very very tall Doesn't say much but has a nice smile.

ANYWAY, this week my 17 year old DD is having a romantic week in cornwall, sitting on newquay beach today, horse riding tomorrow, being wined (well lemonaded!) and dined in posh itallian resturants (thats what she said in her text - then asked me if i was jealous!!)

Is it wrong to be jealous of my own DD?? I mean, dont get me wrong, im happy enough, my DP is a star and of course then there is DD2 (aged 2) who is the light of my life, but what i wouldnt give for a romantic week away. Our finances our tight and i dont see a holiday on any near horizon and its not exactly going to be romantic at centre fecking parc or disney land sodding paris is it!!!

But anyway, im kind of pleased for DD1 and kind of jealous too. I am a BAD mother

OP posts:
frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 16:08

you're not a bad mother, just a one who would love time alone with dp. We've all been there at some point. I find it odd that dd1 asked if you were jealous

AttilaTheMum · 28/08/2007 16:12

I'm sure my 17 y-o DD would have asked if I was jealous too under the same circumstances - why do you find it odd, frazzled?

frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 16:16

My eldest is 14 (boy) but i just can't imagine ever asking my mum if she'd been jealous of any of my situations. I can't imagine my kids asking me that either. Is it not odd?? Maybe its just me

LilRedWG · 28/08/2007 16:18

I think DD needs to baby sit DD2 when she gets home so that you can have a lovely meal out!

frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 16:18

Can't really put into words what i mean. I thought dd1 would think mum was happy for her, jealousy just wouldnt come into my mind. I feel dd1 sounds bit devious. dont mean to sound awful, i just genuinely dont understand

frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 16:20

LRWG - do you mean jealous in a fun way? I'm assuming it was meant nastily

alicet · 28/08/2007 16:20

I don't think it makes you a bad mother for wanting to be spoilt like this! You have said that you are pleased for her too - I would think you were unreasonable if this wasn't the case but its clearly not.

Do you have any family who could take dd2 for a couple of days so that you and dp could have some time alone? Dh and I have had 2 weekends away this year as well as a few nights where ds (18 months) stays with my parents and much as I love him and miss him when we go away I love the time we have together and the SLEEP!! If money is tight maybe they could have her at their house so you stay at home but just make a bit of effort with each other that its hard to find the time to do on a day to day basis when you're looking after a lo and totally exhausted!

OrmIrian · 28/08/2007 16:20

I'm jealous of my friends 24 yr old DD. She's got a fab job, wonderful social life, gorgeous figure, endless holidays, much more momey than I havem or had at her age....and her life in front of her. But I smile gamely and say 'oh really! Isn't that wonderful. You must be so proud of her' to her endlessly doting mama

So YANBU. Don't matter whether it's your DD or someone else's. But keep it buttoned......

Lovecat · 28/08/2007 16:21

I know what you mean, Frazzled, and it's not just you, that is an odd thing for a child to ask a parent.

Personally I'd be jealous as hell. I'm jealous as hell of her just sitting here reading about it!!

witchandchips · 28/08/2007 16:21

oh ffs just means that dd1 and lucyellensmum are at the stage of their relationship where they are turning into friends. Lovely but probably makes her (Lucyellensmum) a bit wistful as well

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 28/08/2007 16:21

frazzled, why odd? it was a just a friendly text, basically because i think she must be preening a bit that she has such attention I guess its difficult to explain but its the sort of mock childish comment that i may make to my friends, something like "i'm going xyz - how jealous are you" As in when she sent me the picture of the lovely beach she is on, i texted back and said, "how jealous am i" but i meant it kindly

I find it odd, that you find it odd

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 28/08/2007 16:25

witchandchips, what a lovely thing to say and very accurate, i hope DD1 and i have had a less than perfect relationship over the past few years and now there are some glimmers of friendship so maybe i was having a bit of a preen about the comment myself. Although i dont think the relationship is quite developed enough for her to take me clubbing yet, she gets acutely embarrased when i dance!

OP posts:
frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 16:26

I got the impression it was said in a way that meant to be hurtful. Thats why I found it odd when i thought it was meant nastily, sort of. When its said in the context you explain, its not odd.

nailpolish · 28/08/2007 16:26

i just think she is having such a lovely time and is so excited about everything she is like "dont you wish you were here too and going to a lovely italian"

lucyellensmum - give you dds an extra tight cuddle instead

nailpolish · 28/08/2007 16:27

i meant dd2

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 28/08/2007 16:27

i feel a little resentful of the suggestion that my DD is devious. Why the hell would that be devious

There are reasons why i would be jealous seeing as cornwall is where we spent a very lovely holiday together a few years ago. I guess jealous is the wrong word, but i cant think of another suitable one. She is just proud that she has a boyfriend who is willing to spoil her so! (personally i think he would be scared to do otherwise, my dd is more scary than i am!)

OP posts:
frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 16:27

My son gets embarrassed with me just because im there, never mind dancing!! Hope its just because hes a teenage boy and everything matter at that age!!

nailpolish · 28/08/2007 16:29

i remember feeling so excited like that when i was 17

frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 16:30

Im sorry, everything i've said hasn't come out right. I didnt mean she was devious, like i said i thought she meant jealous in a hurtful way. Now i know different and i agree with witchandchips. Think i better quit while im behind!

Anna8888 · 28/08/2007 17:19

Actually, I think it's very sweet and thoughtful of your DD to ask whether you are jealous of her lovely romantic holiday - as you have every right to be. It shows that she understands your life and its restrictions, and knows how lucky she is.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 28/08/2007 17:53

frazzled, its ok, i was making a good job of making a shite job of the thread too

OP posts:
frazzledbutcalm · 28/08/2007 18:08

I'm pleased we understand/misunderstand each other coz i really didnt mean anything horrible

ellceeell · 28/08/2007 18:11

When dd1 went to her school prom 2 years ago, all excited and looking lovely in her special dress I was horrified at how jealous of her I was! I realised that I was never going to be 17 again - by a long chalk - and the thought of her just starting out on all the exciting stages of life, full of hope and optimism was a real staging post. Next week she goes on her first holiday abroad without parents and I'm quite jealous of that too! - but not in a bad way, and I'd never let her know how I was feeling.

OrmIrian · 28/08/2007 19:59

Should the word perhaps be 'envious' LEM? It doesn't sound quite so loaded.

sugarmatches · 28/08/2007 23:00

Im am jealous of my dd because she has such a wonderful daddy. DH dotes on her and thinks she is a princess.
I had a not very nice father growing up and I cannot even imagine how wonderful it would be to have a daddy who called me "his sunshine".

My DH rocks!!!