Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

Sorry OP but just to remind people to be a bit wary of sharing these stories.

@Trewser why, out of interest?

I think people who it did no harm do outweigh those who felt harmed by it and that's what I have encountered from my lifetime so far.

However each culture and community is different so what I have come across will be different to what others have come across.

Yes I was occasionally hit, hard by Dad. Just for looking at him the wrong way sometimes. I grew up in the 70s. It shouldn’t have happened, but times were different. I loved my Dad so much, he’s been gone many years.
If it’s affected me, I don’t know, maybe. I know I take shit off no one and hate violence of any kind.

Yes I was but its not impacted on me. In my group it was common.

I was born late eighties and was never smacked. My parents grew up in the sixties and seventies - mum was never hit but dad was, both by his parents and by school.

Though to be honest what he went through at home was physical abuse, not "discipline".

One of the (only?) good things which Sarah Ferguson did for British children was to cause a traffic jam on her wedding day!
The practice of corporal punishment had pretty much died out by then, but was not actually illegal. Bringing a bill into Parliament was more of a "tidying up" exercise than anything else. But there were those of the old school who wanted to vote the reform down, as in "I was flogged regularly at school and it never did me any harm!"
Fergie's wedding to Prince Andrew, in Westminster Abbey, snarled up the traffic to the extent that many of the "flog 'em brigade" didn't make it to the House in time, and the Bill went through.
In actual fact, the use of corporal punishment had not been used for a long time; in ILEA schools (Inner London Education Authority of blessed memory) it was banned, as a formality, in about 1971.
I can remember (this makes me feel very old) parents coming in to see me, and saying "Never you mind about the change in the law Miss Twosheds, if you think my Julie needs a smack, just do it!" I was horrified, and reassured the mummy in question that I rarely had to raise my voice to that child, let alone my hand.
When I changed over to the independent sector (long story) I asked about the policy, just out of interest, never seen it done, and was told that the school had continued the practice by common consent many years previously; bluntly, it was undignified and ineffective. I believe that it remained legal, but never implemented until Britain signed up to the Human Rights Act.
(One mummy did say once, "Hit him if you must, just don't leave a mark" but she was joking, I hope; he had the art of annoyance finely honed...….)
One sad side effect I found, back in the day, was getting a certain type of bolshy child to take one's disciplinary methods seriously, as they knew we would never hit them, whereas this was the go-to method at home. I'm currently reading Lenny Henry's autobiography, and he relates the stern physical discipline he received as a child.
Back in the day, when I was at primary school, slaps were freely given, and if I went home and grumbled, I'd be slapped for causing trouble at school! Which makes my parents sound awful; they weren't - it was of its time, and very rare anyway. And my DM stopped when I was 12; I was fed up, felt it had been unjustified - and hit back.

I remember being smacked once by DF, I think I was about 8. To be fair to him, I was having a massive temper tantrum and hit him first! It has really stuck in my memory as it wasn't something he had ever done before and I was so shocked. I wasn't traumatised and it didn't change how I felt about him. He is sadly long gone now and I still miss him every day.

I was born in the mid 60s, so corporal punishment was legal throughout my school career. I didn't spend much time worrying about it, I was always well behaved so it was never something that happened to me. It did happen though, only ever to boys in my experience. There was a more physical attitude from teachers in general, it wasn't uncommon for them to throw chalk and chalk erasers at pupils and physically manhandle us in ways that wouldn't happen now. Different times and I much prefer the way things are now.

I was smacked as a child as were most kids I knew so I never really thought much of it until I started thinking about having kids myself. Funnily enough I can remember asking for a smack rather than a toy being taken away when my parents decided to remove a toy as a punishment one time! I guess the smack was over and done with and I could get on with my day!

I don't smack my kids but i do find the debate interesting as physical punishment has been the go to discipline method forever and animals naturally do it to their young. There is a definate difference to a quick smack on the bum when you've done something wrong to being beaten up by an adult though.

Frequently

I was born very early 60s, the oldest of 4. My mum hit is often with slippers/shoes. It was painful but the ritual of being called to her and lining up to take our turn was terrifying. Us girls didn’t get hit at school but my brother was caned in about 1972/3. I think it was made illegal shortly after that.

Physical discipline might be illegal now but is still very common in the U.K. I work with young people in inner London and IME children of Afro-Carribean families take being ‘beaten’ for punishment as a norm. One young client was taken into care because the parent eventually went so far that the client complained to the police. This client got a lot of grief and bullying from class mates and contemporaries for this along the lines of ‘Of course you got a whupping, you’re X nationality, that’s what we do, are you too much of a wuss to take it?’

Another client was regularly beaten by his dad. He was a 6ft tall hard case (the client, not the dad) and was regularly in trouble with the law for street assaults. He had no impulse control and would attack whenever he was frightened or felt slighted. One day I asked him why he didn’t hit his dad when his dad was verbally or physically abusing him. He was shocked at the idea and told me ‘but that’s discipline, that’s different’. He’s been completely brainwashed into thinking it was OK for his dad to beat him with a broom handle because that was an act of love.

Yes. To be honest, it was a relief from being shouted at. I knew the confrontation was over. Usually just across the legs and not very often. We still had it in school when I was there.
Obviously I now think it's dreadful and would never hit a child. I remember my nephew being walloped by his dad (early 90s) and my own dad who had occasionally hit me being really upset about it and intervening.

I guess the smack was over and done with and I could get on with my day!

I still think this is true, surely a smack is preferable to being guilt tripped or mentally abused for hours after the event?

@UndertheCedartree sorry for bringing back bad memories. I recall another time I was hit for soiling myself as I was too worried to ask to go to the toilet. We were at a show and it had been announced that children should remain seated for the performance and I was very obedient (wonder why?). I would never have done that to my own children, been annoyed but not violent.

There seems to be a difference with some being smacked after a warning and others smacked, slapped etc because an adult was angry with them.

In the mid 80s, I do recall a teacher telling the whole class off as a boy had told his mum that the teacher threw board rubbers and thrown a child across the floor. The teacher told us we shouldn’t say this as he wouldn’t have a job. I only remember this because I was confused as it was all true. He regularly threw things and would throw toys smuggled into school out of the window (fair enough but extreme). The boy was thrown as he’d sneaked into neighbouring classroom as there was uproar as my little sister had smashed her nose on a desk running in to get a prop she’d forgotten for the school play rehearsal. Apparently, she was a silly fool and it served her right. So the boy was grabbed and hauled in and span across the floor.

Whalloped on occasion by my father. Once by my mother (even I will admit I asked for that one, I was a teenager) and often by teachers, with canes and rulers. I left primary school in 1984 and was never hit in secondary school.

I remember seeing those notices in gp waiting room about 10 years ago"If smacking works, why do you have to keep doing it?"
Obviously, this is aimed at parents/carers not gov and the educational system but it sent me back to my childhood.

I have never believed smacking to be right, education is the only source of discipline imo. But, I do think it seems more acceptable in the past if it was a just punishment, as in "deserved" rather than unjust.
I told one therapist I could understand if I'd been naughty at school, fighting, answering back etc, but I was quiet, and withdrawn.
I think those that were emotionally scarred were the ones that suffered abuse, my siblings are fine even though they were raised the same.
They got the occasional smack as punishment as did I.
I don't know anyone who suffered the severity of abuse as I did from school. I'm sure they exist though.
We can never give teachers the power to be able to do this again.
I cry at every thread like this, a therapist told me it was good to cry.
I remember waking up every day with the same sickly feeling, knowing I'd get smacked again, just for having learning difficulties. I was 7 years old when it started and I refused school after age 13.

Hitting kids was very common when I was growing up ( 60s/70s) I was hit and I saw most of my friends getting hit sometmes by their parents.
Teachers hit kits too- sometimes a rap on the hand with a ruler, but more often hit on the palm with a leather belt- known as a tawse.

@SilverSurfer2020
Was that a boarding school.
A cold bath if you were sick?! Were they trying to give children pneumonia???
That's sadism. That's the problem with "corporal punishment" - it attracts sadists, and can move into sadism or at the very least malice.

No the hit on the hand with a ruler was local primary school in late 70’s.
I was poorly and vomited in bed. I was too scared to wake my dad and step mum because I knew I’d get battered, so I fell asleep in it. When my step mum came in and saw what had happened she filled the bath with cold water and made me sit in it for ages. I was about five and terrified of them both.

My step mum is now in a home with vascular dementia and my dad lives a lonely life alone. I cut contact about 15 years ago. Best thing I ever did. Hugs to anyone who’s been through similar.

Not at school at all but by my father and step mother, with a slipper or palm of hand and then eventually a fist. He once threatened me with a kitchen knife. 😥

No, never. Born in the seventies. My parent just would never have. There was one old school teacher who put one or two kids in baby reins if they were naughty (I am now about that) but that’s it.

No, at school. I began primary just after the state school corporal punishment ban in 1986.
Parents smacked, open handed on the backside.

I was spanked occasionally by my parents, as we’re almost all of the other children I grew up around. My parents were very careful with it though and always either waited to spank us until they had ‘cooled down’ or had the other parent who was not upset do the spanking. Neither of them felt it was a good idea to deal out physical punishment whilst they were angry.

I do not spank my own children as I think there are more effective ways to discipline them, but I do not feel scarred by my own experience, perhaps because our parents were careful with they way they used it.

Born 77, never smacked at school but I was at home mostly by my Dad when I was being naughty usually for 'talking back'. I can remember clearly when I was maybe 10 or 11 yrs old running away from the intended smack and then rounding on him and saying something along the lines of ' Aren't I a bit old to be smacked, it's not very nice you know hitting children and it doesn't work anyway'

Born 66. Regularly smacked when growing up...Mum used the back of her rubber soled slippers as I legged it up the stairs on more than one occasion. Dad used the wooden metre rule if we had been really naughty, but his speciality was shouting and remarks that have stayed with me til this day, and I am almost 54 and he has been dead 18 years.

The strap was in use at my primary in Scotland, but not at any of my schools in England. I never got hit at school. My db got six of the best at his boarding school in the 80s.

The last time my Dad hit me I was 19 or 20, and he slapped me across the face as I had moved in with my fiance, and Dad was catatonic with rage that I had done so. The fiance has been dh for the last 33 years, and has spent a long time sorting me out over the years.

I have tried very hard with ds to break the cycle.

I was born in the 70's and never hit either at home or school.

I'm quite shocked people were hit in school. I grew up in the 80s and was never hit by a teacher. At worst I stood in a few corners in primary. One teacher did make a child stand on a desk for some time but I think the teacher was asked to leave after that!