Were you spanked or hit growing up in the '80s (or earlier)?

[SilverSurfer2020]

I grew up in the 80s and while I was only "spanked" once by a male teacher at primary school and never spanked or hit by my parents (that I can recall) ... I was very aware of the ever present talk of rulers, canes, hitting at the rural primary school I attended, of stories of older children having been hit, and on too of that my older siblings were hit occasionally by my parents.

Was this normal for the time?
I always got the impression it was fairly normal for people a bit older than me, and further back.

I wonder what impact it had on their (and our) perception of physical violence within families, partners etc.

What do you think?

Aibu - no, it was not common.
Aibu - yes, it was common.

(The impact question is not part of this aibu just looking for additional opinions. Maybe I could do a separate aibu for it).

I was given the odd smack by my mum, I do remember my siblings and I pushing her to her limits by being unruly and squabbling and being told to stop before she smacked us.
I always felt it was deserved somewhat as we knew we were misbehaving and not doing as we were told.
I don't bear her any grudges, I felt very loved by both my parents and my mother and I had a very close relationship up until she passed away and I miss her terribly.
That is not to say it didn't have some psychological effect that made me who I am today for better or worse.
It must have an effect! I can't say what because I've never tried to analyse it but deny it has an effect on children is reductive..of course it must.

I think it must do harm

Clearly not always. I'm very close to my mum and was even closer to my dad prior to his death. They were wonderful parents and my childhood was idyllic. I don't even remember them smacking me, though they've told me it happened on occasion.

Born in the sixties, my mother was an occasional slapper, but favoured putting us in the kitchen cupboard as her major punishment. At primary school the headmaster used a slipper ( mainly on the boys) and I think one of my form teachers used a ruler occasionally.I went to an all girls Catholic secondary school where I think they had moved on from physical punishment as I don't remember any. We did though have a Latin teacher with a major anger problem who used to throw things, I remember her catching my best friend round the side of the head with a heavy book and being very scared for her. Despite being terrified it didn't occur to any of us to report this teacher, that kind of thing just didn't seem to be done in the sixties and seventies.

But the research could not possibly be reliable in any useful sense. When you lump in the kind of violence demonstrated just on this thread with the occasional smack, then of course it's going to suggest smacking is always harmful. There's no way to get-at the truth of the matter.

Meanwhile, I can say that I have not been harmed as a result of smacking and that personal insight can be instantly erased by any one who disagrees with my account by simply assuming that I am stupid/ defensive/ in denial.

My dad used to smack the side of my head but later he changed to smacking my ankles with a ruler or handle of a fly swat which really hurt. Too be honest the smacking itself never bothered but he would smack me for things that were completely accidental and not for anything I might have deserved.

I was hit a lot at home - parents had a very short fuse - usually with a slipper and for petty little things. I was actually a very well behaved child (as I was too terrified of them to be otherwise). Last time my dad hit me I was 17 - it was for talking to DB in the morning when we had woken up (on holiday and sharing a room) and it had "disturbed" my parents in the next room. I remember just staring at him with such contempt as he stood there red faced and ranting. He never hit me again.

It has had a massive impact on me in terms of a lack of self confidence and PND

Luckily I went to a school where corporal punishment was banned - although we would still get stood in a corner for talking and the odd piece of chalk got chucked in my direction.

I remember being smacked all the time by my mum. She used to chase us upstairs and batter us if we didn't just accept it. I don't remember my dad smacking me at all.

It definitely affected me. I stayed in a violent relationship for ten years partly to avoid going home to my mum. Also when I told her about the DV I overheard her saying to my stepdad that I deserved it.

So no I don't smack my kids.

I was born in 1984

Smacked at home, almost always by my Mum, I can only remember a couple of times being smacked by my Dad but he was a very absent parent. Never smacked at school

I don't feel harmed by it. I was an extremely challenging child to say the least and it was just the done thing back then

I was born in 86 and was hit by my Dad. Everyone see's it as normal but actually it was vicious, unnecessary and didnt teach me anything but resentment.

Was never hit in school

but was really quiet and would hardly speak.

No fkg wonder.

One of the things that bothers me the most about the incident in my childhood was my father using a stick (too mild sword for part of a broom shaft, which is what I think it was? ... Like they decided it would t be dore enough from a hand, or they might hurt their hand and inconvenience themself or something. It's not really acceptable to me even with a hand,but using an implement (weapon?) makes it even worse to me.

As I’ve said in a PP, there was a very unhealthy dynamic in my house. This thread has got me thinking about it. My mum would shout at me for something, probably very minor. Then all would go back to normal until dad got home, when mother would drag it all back up again and whip dad up into an angry frenzy. He’d then chase me upstairs where I’d be cowering, wallop me with his hands or whatever was available then punish me by making me stay in my room all night with no tea etc. I’d frequently have everything taken out of my room, sometimes even the light bulb. Then mother would come creeping in later to console me and give me food. There was some very fucked up drama triangle shit going on. It’s only now I’m much older and have done a lot of work on my own that I see what an entirely fucked up dynamic it was. I ended up in an abusive marriage, then have ing severe MH problems after I left. My sister also goes from one arsehole man to the next. It has massively messed up both our lives.

No. I'm in my mid-30s. Mum hit me once, but I screamed so much she never did it again. She did hit my brother a few times, and I remember she kicked me when I was sat on the floor and threw things a couple of times, but I never got the belt or anything like that. She didn't need to anyway, all she had to do was shout at me and I'd be good!

Btw apologies if this comes across as racist, but do black parents use more corporal punishment than white ones in the UK? I read a lot of comments from black American teens on social media talking about how great corporal punishment is and how white kids are badly behaved because their parents don't hit them enough.

Actually, thinking about it more and more, my Dad used to hit me round the head with his hand which would knock me to the floor, and then carry on hitting me.

He used to flick me on the head which also hurt.

He's dead now, but I despise him for it. Im currently pregnant with my 1st child and there is absolutely no way i'll be hitting him.

@PhilSwagielka im white British, and come from a white British family.

I don't remember my dad ever hitting me. I know his sister/my auntie gave my cousins the odd smack on the leg/hand though.

I saw a video of this woman, apparently she was from Trinidad, and she'd filmed herself whipping the shit out of her 12 year old daughter with a belt, even hitting her round the face, and the kid was lying on the floor by the end of it and screaming and crying. And she KEPT HITTING HER.

There was an article about it here: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/08/14/video-of-mum-belting-daughter-for-sending-sexually-explicit-texts-goes-viral_n_7328952.html

Why the actual fuck would you film yourself doing that?

I think I was hit twice, but I grew up in an emotionally abusive home with an angry father, which affected me much more. He slapped me across the face a few times as I told him to stop bullying my brother who was sobbing in the corner. He was 6.

My mum hit me when I was 16 as we had a terrible row after I asked her why she had never left my father seeing how his behavior affected me and my brother and she said she wouldn't want to live in a council house. I called her selfish and she hit me, so I hit her back.

I would never smack my children, I often feel growing up in a house with my parents showed me everything you shouldn't do.

I don't really see much point in comparing the UK to the US on this. In many American states parents have much, much more, leeway I suppose, in how they raise their children and the thresholds for state intervention are far beyond what we might find reasonable. There was a case recently of parents feeding their small children anti-psychotic drugs at levels beyond those recommended for adult males for years on end before the state eventually intervened, never mind beating them.

Yes @PhilSwagielka I would say that in general that is correct.

I was smacked by my mum when I was really naughty and I had to be really naughty. Never at school.
I respect my mum and am very close to her and I don’t blame her at all.
I have never smacked my son but i did once tap him on the fingers sharply when he reached out for a plug socket

I was smacked at home sometimes ,was born in 82 but nothing like that at school.
When my two were little they’d get a smacked hand or a tap on the bum but I don’t do that anymore .
Hindsight is a wonderful thing

I was brought up in the 70’s and smacking was very common, certainly in our house anyway. Didn’t make it right though and I hated it, especially when punished for stuff that you didn’t do.
Teachers used to hit out occasionally by chucking something at you to get your attention. It was a pretty rough school though!
I’d never hit out my my DC, with 1 exception which I regret and was 1 quick smack and not enough to leave a mark.