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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel totally overwhelmed by my dad's offer to buy me a flat?

122 replies

Lizzie523 · 05/01/2020 17:22

Hi everyone, I'm 28 and come from quite a modest family but my dad recently came into a huge inheritance from my grandad. He has now offered to buy me a flat with this money so that I can enjoy it earlier in life.

6 months ago I came back from living abroad for 3 years and it has been a difficult transition - I am planning to spend the next year or 2 figuring out if I can be happy here or if being abroad is going to be my long term place. I now have a good job with a decent salary and am moving into my own flat that I will be renting in 2 weeks I feel I am rebuilding my life little by little which is good. I was very depressed last year and feel a fog has lifted.

But now my mum is putting pressure on me to look into buying a flat this year. We had a bit of an argument and I said I am not ready for the responsibility nor do I know where I will be living in 1 or 2 years as that is what I am figuring out. She sneakily said oh yes and when will you figure that out then. She said I dont understand you this is an amazing offer etc

It is a very generous offer and I may be able to make some decisions on it next year or the next, but I cannot deal with it right enough. Am I crazy? How do I handle this?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/01/2020 17:25

I would firstly find out if the flat will really be yours in your name.

If so and you relocate abroad then you can rent it out.

Look for something that is low maintenance, in good repair, reasonable maintenance/lease/communal fees, close to good transport links and preferable 2 bed!

Kaboomba · 05/01/2020 17:25

If they want to buy you a flat let them, it’ll be yours, you’ll have no mortgage/rent to pay so able to save up if you do decide you want to move abroad. You can also rent it out if you want to go away but still have a base of you decide you want to return.

Win win for me!

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz0 · 05/01/2020 17:27

YABU. In this day and age, home ownership is something some others can only dream of.

abstractzebra · 05/01/2020 17:27

When you say a flat, do you mean money towards any sort of property?
If I was offered this fantastic opportunity, I would be looking at the best value for money in the long run with the most potential. Eg. Freehold, larger property with the potential to rent out a room, the potential growth in value etc.
You would be set for life really.

Emeraldshamrock · 05/01/2020 17:30

Yes your crazy. Smile
What a lovely gesture from loving parent's it is most parent's dream to give their DC this opportunity.
You can always rent it out if you decide to travel, save the rent until you decide on where to settle.

Dipsydoodle · 05/01/2020 17:30

Do it!! You don't have to handle it all alone surely, your mum and dad can help you find somewhere and weigh up the options?

My mum gave us a huge chunk of money so we could buy a bigger house and start a family and it was life-changing.

crosspelican · 05/01/2020 17:30

What on earth are you hesitating for? Make sure it is wholly in your name or tenants in common (so that when your Dad dies it passes fully to you and half doesn’t go to your Mum) and TAKE IT AND SAY THANK YOU.

If you decide to live elsewhere, you rent it out.

This is literally a no-brainer.

Mumberjack · 05/01/2020 17:32

Sounds like they’re not wanting the money to languish in a low interest account when it could be invested in property, and could be construed as ungrateful that you’re not being proactive (although I totally get why you don’t want to jump into something unwisely!).

I’d go ahead and buy a flat, and wouldn’t worry about it being the perfect place. If it’s not going to suit you in the longer term you’ll be able to rent it out or sell it, it’s a great asset to have.

Isnappedandsharted · 05/01/2020 17:33

Oh how people would love to be in your position.

Grumpos · 05/01/2020 17:34

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say right now at this very moment you’re figuring some other stuff out and then pressure to find and buy a property feels a little overwhelming. It’s bloody hard work looking for properties, the doubt creeps in when yr putting offers in, the process of actually buying is stressful and then of course furnishing and maintaining it. These are things which are majorly stressful at the best of times let alone at the end of an upsetting and depressive period.

That said, as PPs have mentioned, if this is to be fully legally your property then you could well rent it or sublet or whatever! Find out the particulars from parents so you know exactly where you stand - are they going to try and dictate what you can and can’t do with the property for example?

It’s a great opportunity but if it comes with too many strings and stipulations then no I wouldn’t be pressured into going along with it.

KnittingSister · 05/01/2020 17:34

It could be a good investment, it will also be a responsibility, will it come with strings, how much of it will be your choice? It has to be right for you.
Good luck. Flowers

MelroseHigginbottom · 05/01/2020 17:42

Youre very fortunate. We're only renting and only just scraping by. Go for it!

unlikelytobe · 05/01/2020 17:47

Does your father mean he'll buy you a flat to live in - i.e. his choice? Or does he mean he'll give you a lump sum on the understanding you'll spend it buying a place of your own?

You're in a state of flux so this seems a big decision but this opportunity might not come your way again. Longs as you're in control of it all, go for it! You can rent it out or sell it later if you choose to return overseas.

DukeChatsworth · 05/01/2020 17:52

As long as the gift of the flat is free and clear of all conditions and it’s yours outright, I second what other PPs have said about accepting and then renting it out if you move abroad so you have an extra income.

I’m telling you now ... if you don’t you will one day massively kick yourself.

Older you will wish that younger you had snatched his hand off.

Redglitter · 05/01/2020 17:53

Go for it. My Mum made the same offer to me several years ago. It's part of my inheritance now rather than later. She gave me a budget and it was down to me to decide what to buy. Took ages to find something but she left me to it. The house is totally in my name. No strings, nothing.

If this is what you're being offered bite his hand off. If nothing else you wont have rent to pay while you decide and if you do go abroad you'll have an income from it. It's a win win situation

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 05/01/2020 17:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HollowTalk · 05/01/2020 17:57

Were you depressed and that's why you came back, or depressed because you'd come back?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/01/2020 17:58

Just go for it if the offer is to put it in your name. Try and buy a house not a flat if you can. Freehold is better. You can rent it out as others have said if you don’t settle.

PaprikaPringle · 05/01/2020 17:58

Don't let them rush you. Say thank you and you'll start looking in the Spring.

Waterandlemonjuice · 05/01/2020 18:00

Blimey, go for it, you can always rent it out if you need to. It’s really not hard buying somewhere, especially with cash (i,e no mortgage)

HomeMadeMadness · 05/01/2020 18:02

Well obviously YANBU if you're not ready to buy a home there should be absolutely no rush. How many strings are attached to this flat? Will it be yours in your name? In which case you could view it as an investment. Or is this flat really a way to guilt trip you into remaining close by?

HomeMadeMadness · 05/01/2020 18:02

However even as an investment it makes sense to take your time so there should be no rush.

SuperMeerkat · 05/01/2020 18:04

Wow amazing. YANBU to be unsure and tbh, it would probably take a while to find somewhere and do all the surveys etc so the renting is a good stop gap. How exciting 😂

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 05/01/2020 18:07

While depressed I was having panic attacks and I started feeling that way while having the discussion about this flat with my parents. I could feel the panic building even though I know how generous it is.

I said i was concerned this would be their way of keeping me around and my mum said that isnt the case, if you go abroad again a letting agent can look after it etc.

I am not mentally able to consider this now, I know that much. I feel like I am just settling back into life and this is another big consideration although a great offer as long as it is in my name.

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 05/01/2020 18:08

Do you feel that this offer comes with conditions attached?, do you think that by your parents offering to purchase a flat means that they'll expect you to stay close by forever and not move abroad again in the future?

If thats on your mind I would try and have that honest conversation with them, if however its definitely no strings attached I'd grab the opportunity with both hands!