AIBU to feel totally overwhelmed by my dad's offer to buy me a flat?

[Lizzie523]

Hi everyone, I'm 28 and come from quite a modest family but my dad recently came into a huge inheritance from my grandad. He has now offered to buy me a flat with this money so that I can enjoy it earlier in life.

6 months ago I came back from living abroad for 3 years and it has been a difficult transition - I am planning to spend the next year or 2 figuring out if I can be happy here or if being abroad is going to be my long term place. I now have a good job with a decent salary and am moving into my own flat that I will be renting in 2 weeks I feel I am rebuilding my life little by little which is good. I was very depressed last year and feel a fog has lifted.

But now my mum is putting pressure on me to look into buying a flat this year. We had a bit of an argument and I said I am not ready for the responsibility nor do I know where I will be living in 1 or 2 years as that is what I am figuring out. She sneakily said oh yes and when will you figure that out then. She said I dont understand you this is an amazing offer etc

It is a very generous offer and I may be able to make some decisions on it next year or the next, but I cannot deal with it right enough. Am I crazy? How do I handle this?

I don't think the OP's being pathetic at all, I can understand her being overwhelmed by this generous offer.

But, I think she'd be daft not to accept it. It'll really set her up for the future and if she chooses to sell the flat in a few years and buy another home, so be it.

With her parents' backing, I think she can do it.

I'm guessing that the parents' windfall has also put them well above the inheritance tax threshold so they're probably trying to invest some of the money wisely for their DD now.

I would say no for the time being with a view to reconsider in x months/years.

Yes why buy property now when you can buy something much smaller and pokier for the same price in a few years...

@ dodgeballchamp Well I did, thanks!

How is living in a property that you own outright, paying no mortgage or bills, going to make you more 'depressed and anxious' than having to work your arse off to pay rent elsewhere? To know you have to drag yourself out of bed to go to work because you can't risk being fired for too much time off sick?

Jesus OP. Have a look at yourself.
You get bought a property and decide to stay in the UK = you bank an extra £400-£1000 a month depending on where you are in the UK that you would have been throwing away on rent. And if your mental health is as bad as you say, you can spend the money you would have spent on rent on therapy to sort yourself out.

You decide UK isn't for you = you get to bank £400-£1000 a month to out towards a new life abroad that you wouldn't have had otherwise and your parents get to enjoy the income from a rental property when you leave.

Yeah, hard choice......

Great offer if the deeds are in your name.
Then it’s yours to live in or rent out if you choose to lobe overseas against
Probably more your parents wanting and being able to give you a bit of inheritance ahead of the time itself. Go for it!

I am not mentally able to consider this now, I know that much

I mean this in the kindest possible way, but...

If you are too shaky to choose a flat, will you honestly be able to cope with being solely responsible for rent?

If your mental health gets shaky again, will you be able to deal with the added pressure of knowing tgag if you don't work, you will be forced to move from.a rented property?

Your parents are offering you security AND freedom.

What are you worried about? Is it the that the process seems overwhelming? If so, would it help to see an estate agent, or someone who can talk you through how the whole thing works?
In your case, as there is no mortgage to worry about, it will be far more straightforward.

OP this is an opportunity. But sometimes big changes feel scary.

Perhaps take pressure off yourself. Go see some flats, but you don't have to buy.

If estate agents know you are mortgage free, I bet they would do lots of the work for you.

Anyone know Phil and Kirstie?

I think you are being sensible to take your time. And to build your own future. If your parents are non abusive, I would politely ask if they would give you a sum to invest right now and buy a flat with in the next two years. If they are abusive, don't take the money unless it's no strings attached and they don't get any say where you buy

Your so lucky and you can rent it out if you move abroad !

Wow. You sound incredibly entitled. I’d withdraw this offer if my kids didn’t bite my hands off.

^This. A nice stealth boast by the OP.

It’s a big decision buying a property and if you make the wrong decision and don’t settle in a house it costs to move again, I know from experience. But it is a fantastic opportunity you’ve been offered.
If your parents have just offered, don’t reply yet, other than to say thank you. Have a good look on rightmove and on the market and then go a look at a few. Preferably quite different ones. Enjoy viewing a few properties and then take a week or so to think about what you have seen. Then think again about what you want to do. It can take quite a few months to find a house/flat to buy so time is on your side, don’t rush. Make sure you have fully explored the options before saying yes or no.

Why the hell are people being so horrible?! Do you have no understanding of how debilitating depression and anxiety can be and cannot possibly conceive that other people feel things differently to you?

OP I really hope you don’t take such nastiness to heart - people are so brave behind their keyboards (doubtful they are in real life!£ & don’t seem to appreciate there is a real person behind the thread.

My parents helped me buy a flat...and then I moved overseas 6 months later. I have not moved back to my home country but my flat had doubled in value by the time I sold it all the while breaking even with a tenant. Your parents are trying to help you get on the property ladder. Grab the chance with both hands. Just look for a flat with a rental return that would pay off the mortgage.

It will take you a while to find somewhere - why not let your parents help you with the research and look around a few areas for the next six months whilst you settle in? Tell them that you'd like to make the right decision so you propose that each month you will go and have brunch with them and walk around an area/view a few properties until it is clear what you want. Most parents would think this is responsible and would see this as making progress. It will also give you an idea of what your parents are willing to contribute and whether there are strings attached so that you can be prepared before accepting their very generous gift. As long as you buy somewhere that you love and could see yourself being happy it would be easy to rent out.

Im in the process of buying my sons houses. My 20 yo isnt ready but as we are in the south east I see this as a long term investment for him. We’ll rent it out for a few years till he is ready to move in.

Id buy a house not a flat if I was you and that could be afforded

Accept it with good grace based on the here and now.
Make sure you get a say in the location and that it's obviously in your name.

If in a year or twos time you wish to travel then there's absolutely nothing stopping you from still doing that. An estate agent would take 10% from the rental income to manage rentals while your gone.

Do it. What an amazing opportunity.

Your DF will need to go through a solicitor and provide his financial info and letters of trust declaring the money/deeds are a true gift, not a loan, and he will not seek an interest in them in the future. Itwill not proceed without this so he needs to be comfortable with that. A conveyancing solicitor will require a great deal of evidence to support the gift, bank statements, evidence of the trail of the money used, how he got the inheritance etc. Money laundering regs are very tight now

Only the last sentence here is true. To buy a property outright involves a simple transfer into the buyer’s bank account and allowing the solicitor handling the transaction to photocopy the will showing the bequest. I know because I’ve just done it.

You don’t need to love the property or even live in it, OP. Your parents want you to have long term financial security and they’ve chosen the best possible way of doing it. For goodness sake take this opportunity of a life time, rent it out to generate an income and accept the security it gives you.

Oh wow, so many replies, thank you!

I will reply properly tomorrow as I just got home and need to be heading to bed.

A great offer - take it. Much better than pouring rent money down the drain. You can always rent out or sell up later - but for now it's a stunning offer.

You're probably not going to want to buy anywhere until after 31st Jan re Brexit (and at this point, the chances of being able to do so are tiny).

House buying is stressful - even if you're doing it as you are, as a cash purchaser and with flexibility on timescales.

I generally agree with the view that it's better to buy a house than a flat for resale value and because houses are usually freehold not leasehold, but this is unrealistic in larger cities.

Have a think about what is stressful for you - can you put it into words? [on paper, if not on a Mumsnet thread] In terms of professional advice for you as a house buyer, you would need a solicitor/licensed conveyancer - they work for you, not the seller and will be able to advise on the merits of a purchase.

In terms of means tested benefits, a home you're living in doesn't count towards the savings limit of £16k. A home you're renting out would count - not sure if you're worried about your mental health deteriorating to the point where you couldn't work.

Would your parents like to adopt me? I'm very envious. My parents are very wealthy and own multiple properties but wouldn't even consider making such a generous offer. This is a life changing opportunity, owning property outright is the ultimate freedom imo.