AIBU to feel totally overwhelmed by my dad's offer to buy me a flat?

[Lizzie523]

Hi everyone, I'm 28 and come from quite a modest family but my dad recently came into a huge inheritance from my grandad. He has now offered to buy me a flat with this money so that I can enjoy it earlier in life.

6 months ago I came back from living abroad for 3 years and it has been a difficult transition - I am planning to spend the next year or 2 figuring out if I can be happy here or if being abroad is going to be my long term place. I now have a good job with a decent salary and am moving into my own flat that I will be renting in 2 weeks I feel I am rebuilding my life little by little which is good. I was very depressed last year and feel a fog has lifted.

But now my mum is putting pressure on me to look into buying a flat this year. We had a bit of an argument and I said I am not ready for the responsibility nor do I know where I will be living in 1 or 2 years as that is what I am figuring out. She sneakily said oh yes and when will you figure that out then. She said I dont understand you this is an amazing offer etc

It is a very generous offer and I may be able to make some decisions on it next year or the next, but I cannot deal with it right enough. Am I crazy? How do I handle this?

It's a great opportunity- especially given that your mother has assured you they are happy for you to let the place out if you go abroad. The fact you see it as anything other than an amazing opportunity suggests you either need professional help for your mental health (rather than just trying to figure things out on your own), or that you are being overly self indulgent/ obsessed. Whichever it is, you don't want to miss this chance. So many people would love to be in your position.

Buy the flat as a BTL and hand it to a rental agent. Then you have no ties to it. If you want to go abroad you can. It will provide you with a secure income whether you are here or abroad. Why would you turn that down?

I understand you have anxiety issues, but you don’t sound very financially savvy for 28.

Its not going to happen pdq. I would start some research and get Mum and Dad to help. I would be clear you are not sure right now is the right time to buy economically with bresit and GB having to stand on its own two feet so you would like to a) give the country time to settle a bit but also look at where would be the best place to buy - London has been loosing money as have other places others have been holding well. You dont say where you would be buying so it needs research - even when you decide you are looking it could take a dew months to find one then 3 to 4 months to go through the process and you are right its quite stressful. I would say yes but lets look at somewhere to put the money aside for a while to earn interest etc whilst you are looking and look for a financial instrument that has a 6 mth commitment then you know you have that time. Property was always seen as the best thing for large financial amounts and the economy is a bit unsteady at the moement so I see the best solution as hang fire, agree to a purchase and agree the criteria you want - maybe near your M&D so if you are not in it they can keep an eye etc. Even if you buy now you don't have to live in it it cn still be let out and you live how you are now.

If you get it you can live in that and save the money you are paying in rent in case you do decide to move abroad in a couple of years. It will rent out when you are away.

Fantastic position to be in

Well a lot of young people won't ever be so lucky. That you even have a choice to say 'No' is a gift in itself isn't it? So just say No. Problem solved.

While i know it is ovewhelming I'd urge you need to suck it up. This will make a huge difference in 20 years.

Let them give ypu the cash/buy you the flat outright and then rent it out "until you decide" and keep renting your own place.
You can then do what you like (including move abroad for a while) and have an income stream coming in.

why don't you let them choose and buy the flat in your name, if you think the process of buying is overwhelming.

If they are understanding of your anxiety, they might agree to doing this and then you can move in and live there.

If the flat they choose doesn't suit your needs later on, rent it out and go abroad or sell it and buy use the money for a property of your choice when you feel up to it.

I bought my first flat when I was 25. All on my own, but property prices were much cheaper then.

It was a 2-bed, when I lived in it I rented out the spare room and made some lifelong friendships with my then flatmates.

I also lived (studying & working) overseas for 3 years, and rented it out then as a whole, making a good income from it.

I owned it for almost 10 years, and sold it after I met DH and we decided to buy a house together. I made a sizeable profit.

Owning the flat was undoubtedly the best financial decision I ever made. It did not stop me doing anything I wanted to, and facilitated a lot of things I did want to do.

OP you have a great chance here, you should grasp it with both hands.

I think you’re wise to take your time going into this. Will you be buying outright? Or will either you or your father have a mortgage for part of it? Does that depend on what you want to buy?
I would not have wanted to own in my early 20s but did buy at your age. Managing a rental flat is a PITA and stress even with a management company (though maybe it wouldn’t be if you didn’t have a mortgage to pay).
In your shoes I’d say I’d be willing to commit to having bought by my 30th birthday. That gives you time to decide. Property is best seen as a long term investment so best to get it right and buy somewhere that can also be your home if you are staying in the UK.

Honestly you’d be mad not to take him up on the offer if it’s all in your name.

You won’t find your perfect home tomorrow, abroad or here, and if you find something to be in sooner rather than later you’ve said yourself you’d spend a year or two figuring out what’s right for you.

If the flat here is right, fab you’re settled mortgage free and you’ll have a good chunk of savings through not paying rent for 2 years of decision making.

If it’s not you find a letting agent who’ll manage the property and go back abroad with a decent income from renting out the flat which might cover you till you settle there.

Said flat might come handy in years to come, you’re 28 not 78, if you change your mind and want to come back for whatever reason. A little safety net.

I understand, OP. I think you are right to wait. I think other posters might not understand how this is pressure and control from your parents, wrapped up and presented to you as kindness.
Stand your ground. You are an adult, it sounds like your parents can't see this yet - they want to buy you a flat, not give you the money to buy a flat.
There's a difference. I understand how you feel.

I can absolutely understand where you are coming from. Can you speak to your parents and explain that you are grateful for the offer, but would like to park the issue for six months (or however long) while you settle into your new job and rented flat? Then in the summer you can take stock and if you do decide to buy a property then, I would look for one which would be suitable for renting out and/or has resale value if things change down the line. A property is a good asset to have, but don't feel tied to the location, you should still live your life the way you want to.

I think you're conflating things. You think accepting your parents' offer will trap you into a long term decision and having to stay in the UK, whereas taking the offer could free you up to travel (income from renting it out) and make you more secure when in the UK. Anxiety can make things seem overwhelming so why not break it down into small parts. Think of the next couple of years only - during this time you can decide where you want to live next but if you buy a flat you will have a secure base to decide from. Or perhaps your parents could let you put the money in a savings account for when you feel ready to buy, though of course prices will have gone up by then. Either way, talk it through with them, be gracious and explain your worries. It is a wonderful offer - one I would love to be able to make for my children - so do consider in discussions with them.

OP don’t be a fool and not take this offer up now. You are wasting money renting if you can buy somewhere instead. You would be able to save money to then buy somewhere you really want to live in a few years time.

It’s not overwhelming, it’s not too much, it’s not a decision you need to be anxious about, you need to get over yourself (in the nicest way possible).

Your parents are being generous. They can squander all this money and not give anything to you but they are choosing to give you a solid foundation instead. Be grateful and take it. You don't have to live in the property. You can always rent it out and have a constant source of income. When the time comes to settle down you can sell it and put that money towards something you like and where you want to live.

As long as the property is in your name just take it.

It does not matter if you "love" it. Just get it bought before property prices rise.

You can rent out or sell at a later date. Just chill and say thank you.

YANBU.

I mean, yes, it's a really great offer and in general it's a good thing to own your own house. But it sounds as though this is a bit out of the blue and your life is in transition and this isn't a great time for your own mental health, and you would be foolish to make a big decision like buying a house right now. Presumably there's a minimum term on the rental property too?

So I would say to your father that you are incredibly grateful and you do want to take him up on the offer, but you want to take 12-18 months to consider exactly what you want and where, and how it will fit with your plans going forward, rather than rush into the wrong thing. Point out that moving costs at LEAST £5k, so buying a house that you might realise is in the wrong place in a year or two is also a financial mistake.

I’m with you OP, I think a lot of people just see property as an instant money spinner but it isn’t that simple. For some of us, ethically and ideologically, we don’t consider it like that. And with the market as it currently is there are no guarantees of making a profit on it.

To all those saying ‘just rent it out!’ it really isn’t that simple. As a first time buyer you’re very unlikely to get a BTL mortgage, unless your parents names are on it too, and then it comes with conditions.
‘Renting it out’ isn’t a case of installing some tenants and raking in the proceeds. You need various types of insurance, you’ll need to plan for periods when the property is empty, you’ll need to factor in letting agents fees, tax on the income you earn from renting... it certainly isn’t something I’d want to saddle myself with personally.

I am buying a flat now, I’m 30, but 5 years ago the idea terrified me. I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment, tying myself to one place, the knowledge that I couldn’t explore different jobs or self-employment because I had the mortgage to pay - I have only just started actively wanting a secure and long term home in the last year because I did all those things and figured out what I wanted. You’re not unreasonable. It’s a massive commitment and if you’re not ready you’d be better waiting and looking in a few years if you even want to stay in the country. If you’re earning a decent salary I assume you can save towards possible ownership in the future if your parents rescind the offer

I bought a house when I was in the middle of a major depression/total nervous breakdown. Because I recognised that it was very important for my financial future and it was an amazing opportunity.

So I say this very much from a place of someone who has been in a similar situation - get a grip and stop being ridiculous and accept a free flat. It would be self sabotage on an epic proportion to not and a lack of taking responsibity for your own financial future and health.

As a parent,I would want you to have the money so that you can buy when you are ready.

Can't see any downside if it's all in your name, bought outright and no strings.
Having a property doesn't mean you can't go abroad... letting out the property could help you fund it. It is an opportunity.
I am a similar age to you and so so thankful to have been gifted money to purchase my first home. I would be far more anxious without the security it brings.

I'm only saying this as it is something to be aware of - please don't worry about it - but if your parent dies within 7 years of giving you this substantial gift - you may find ( if their estate is large enough ) that you might be liable for death duties on the gift value. Other than that one tiny thing to be aware of, the rest is an absolute win win and wonderful gift from your parents. Accept gracefully and know how lovely it is for them to want to do this for you and for you to be in a position that most people your age could only dream of !

@bridgetreilly Point out that moving costs at LEAST £5k, so buying a house that you might realise is in the wrong place in a year or two is also a financial mistake.

Moving costs that might be incurred - as opposed to £xxk in rent that OP will spend over a couple of years, & possibly enforced moves if the landlord decides to sell the flat.

I don't think you're that young OP, I had my own house at 23 and I'm not a generation older than you.

However, if you don't know where you're going to settle, it's pointless buying somewhere yet.

Your daft! This is a life changing offer and you're going...'I'm just not feeling it right now'. I bet your infuriating to parent!