Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not not pay for bridesmaids hair?

139 replies

tomatoo · 05/01/2020 11:07

We started wedding planning 2 years ago when we were doing fine with money, so booked an expensive venue. We have since bought a moneypit of a house and also have 2 preschool kids, so childcare costs are high.
I chose 6 bridesmaids (2 years ago). We have paid for their dresses. We wanted to pay for their accommodation too, but we just can't afford it now. I'm obviously paying for their flowers.
AIBU to ask them to pay for their hair / makeup if they want it done?
I don't care how they have their hair or makeup or if they have it done at all. I am not getting my makeup professionally done because we can't afford. I was planning on paying for us all to have our hair done, but having received quotes we can't afford it.
Not that it matters but none of the bridesmaids have children or financial issues (that I know of).
The groom isn't having any groomsmen because we can't afford suits so I feel it's really unfair (of me) that I have chosen 6 bridesmaids and we are paying for their dresses, flowers. I think paying their hair might just push DP over the edge!

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 05/01/2020 14:31

You seem a little angry and resentful towards your bridesmaids. You made the decision to get married in an expensive wedding, buy a house, etc.
Maybe these bridesmaids circumstances have also changed, maybe contact them all and explain that you’d still love them all to be bridesmaid but can’t afford to cover their make-up, accommodation will cost them xxx and if anyone wants to step down, you’ll understand.

Peterspotter · 05/01/2020 14:33

It’s just hair and makeup Greyhound22. Just vanity. She’s paid for the outfit she wants them to wear.

If they want special hair styles and layered on make up they should pay for it themselves.

I got married at broad and didn’t have this fuss. Did my own hair and make up and my family and friends did their own too. Even having forked out £££ to fly to the Caribbean.

I think once the dress and flowers have been bought the wedding couple really don’t have any obligation to pay for hairdressers and make up artists for bridesmaids. Just because some one set off a trend a few years back aka the bridesmaid squad/ team etc.. doesn’t mean every one should follow suit.

Tbh I’d be surprised if every one wanted their make up doing anyway because most of the time it looks hideous and most people scrape most of it off.

damnthatanxiety · 05/01/2020 14:34

Allgirlskidsanddogs why is the OP being very unreasonable? She IS paying for the flowers and dresses and has not suggested that she isn't so I'm not sure why you are so outraged.

happydays00 · 05/01/2020 14:39

I don't think YABU in asking them to pay for hair and make up if they want it done. I do however think it is really odd to have 6 bridesmaids and no groomsmen and would be addressing that before I was worrying about hair and make up.

Alwaysscrolling · 05/01/2020 14:41

Had a similar situation for my wedding. Booked a wedding venue and chose my maid of honour but decided against bridesmaids as didn’t want the fuss. Even with one person it became a money pit. She expected a dress (I told her I wasn’t fussed about colour or style as we didn’t have a theme) hair and make up done along with shoes and a bag plus accommodation. We spent about five hundred on her and to be quite honest by the end of it wish I hadn’t bothered. Started to resent her my the end of it as didn’t like the entitlement. My own dress cost less than hers.

Freddiefox · 05/01/2020 14:43

Does your dh have a best man?

seven201 · 05/01/2020 14:46

We did very similar to you except we did have groomsmen, they just wore suits they already owned. I think that's quite common nowadays.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/01/2020 15:00

If you're not bothered how they do their hair and allow them to do it (or get it done) themselves then I think it's fine that you don't pay for it.

If, on the other hand, you insist on them being done at the same salon as you with a hairstyle they'd not normally be able to do themselves, then I do feel you should cough up for it (I've been in this position and had to pay for my own headful of pins, I wasn't overly happy about it, especially as I'd also had to pay for my own dress and shoes too!)

RavenLG · 05/01/2020 15:12

You don't inconvenience those who are part of the wedding imo. So that means if you want a certain dress , hair style etc. then you pay for it. I also include accommodation to this. I wouldn't dream of asking any of our bridesmaids (2) or ushers (3) on paying for accommodation. You don't even need flowers so why not knock them on the head?

You've not budgeted well imo, and I say this as someone getting married this year and has lost her job a few months ago. We're coping because we budgeted and made sure we had the money before we went ahead with it. I'd suggest looking at your upcoming outgoings for the wedding and see if you can scale back, flowers, favours, etc. It doesn't seem fair at all that your husband has no BM or ushers too, while you have SIX!! bridesmaids.

AriadneCrete · 05/01/2020 15:12

Because you’re not bothered how they have their hair/makeup, YANBU. Just make sure they know they’ll need to do their own or make their own plans for someone to do it.

I do think it’s weird your fiancé isn’t having any groomsmen. I’d suggest he ask some friends, get them to wear their own suits and get matching buttonholes.

I would NOT do as a previous poster suggested and ask the friend that had emigrated if she really wants to be a bridesmaid. Especially as you’ve said you’ve already asked her again. If that were me and you asked again, it would make me really paranoid that you didn’t actually want me to be a bridesmaid at all and you were looking for a way out.

Bringonspring · 05/01/2020 15:14

I wouldn’t care if you didn’t pay!!

bridgetreilly · 05/01/2020 15:15

We started wedding planning 2 years ago when we were doing fine with money, so booked an expensive venue. We have since bought a moneypit of a house and also have 2 preschool kids, so childcare costs are high.

Why did you buy a moneypit of a house when you were already committed to wedding costs? Why are you having a wedding you now can't afford? Change your plans to suit your budget, don't expect other people to start paying for your plans.

AutumnRose1 · 05/01/2020 15:26

I imagine the OP didn't know the house was a money pit, that happens.

Children - not so much Grin

OP isn't trying to wriggle out of paying for anything that she's already offered to pay for.

Obviously when I said "ask the BMs" I didn't know OP had already done so.

AutumnRose1 · 05/01/2020 15:27

bridget "Change your plans to suit your budget, don't expect other people to start paying for your plans."

she's not asking anyone to pay for her plans.

chenilleblanket · 05/01/2020 15:29

YANBU Re the hair and makeup as long as you aren't insisting they have it a certain professional way.

My DP was a groomsman for his brother- he had to buy his own suit and it had to be a specific shade of blue which he didn't already have. We then had to pay £250 to stay overnight so we could help them set up for the wedding the following day, which also meant eating out (at a specified very expensive place with the rest of the wedding party). I was horrified by the level of financial expectation given we were saving for our first home and combined earn probably less than half the DBs wage. Feel even more mugged off at seeing so many kind people on this thread who go above and beyond NOT to inconvenience their guests Blush

Oblomov20 · 05/01/2020 15:32

YABU
Don't have bridesmaids if you can't afford the bits they need, like dresses and hair.

SmellMySmellbow · 05/01/2020 15:33

No-one 'needs' matching dresses and hair-dos. Don't be ridiculous. People forget the entire point of bridesmaids and it's not to look good in photos.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/01/2020 15:47

Chenille, exactly. We went out of our way not to inconvenience any guests or put costs on them. We stayed local so no overnight costs, picked up the costs of the bridesmaid and best man in full along with the hen do costs (DH didn’t do a stag do as such). Our wedding, our costs is how we saw it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/01/2020 15:58

No one needs their hair done professionally as a bridesmaid or a bride or for any other occasion. That’s ridiculous.

KarmaStar · 05/01/2020 16:19

Hi op,
I'm sure they won't mind but you could research some independent make up artists in case they want to get it done,or plan your hen do as a male up and hair training lesson somewhere with drinks after?
Your other option could be to drop four bridesmaids,sell the dresses and have two groomsmen?
Either/or having a fabulous wedding day.Flowers

Original poster
tomatoo · 05/01/2020 16:27

I think the one who emigrated might feel a bit upset if I un-ask her to be a bridesmaid because she moved away! Especially as I know she will attend the wedding regardless.
I think DP will probably ask his brothers to be groomsmen, wear a similar colour suit if they have one and get them a tie.
He does have a best man.

And no one willingly buys a moneypit of a house. You have a survey done but that doesn't guarantee anything. No one has a Rightmove criteria of "must be on top of a sinkhole" or " must have drains from 1800 riddled with rats" do they?

It also must be lovely to be able to have wedding where no one has to stay overnight- however our family and friends are scattered all over the UK (we have also moved up and down the country for work) so it simply would not be possible for us.

OP posts:
AliasGrape · 05/01/2020 16:31

I didn’t pay for my bridesmaids hair and make up.

I explained I was having my make up done as I’m shit at make up anyway, have problem skin and I was feeling anxious about it all so wanted to pay a professional. They both said they would like their make up doing too and I explained as much as I’d love to pay I couldn’t afford it unfortunately, they totally understood and said they’d still like to go ahead and pay for their own.

A family member who is a hairdresser was going to do all our hair for us as her wedding gift but at the last minute had health issues and couldn’t attend. The make up lady brought along a hairdresser friend - again I said I didn’t mind how they had their hair and it was up to them but they chose to have their hair done and pay for it themselves.

I did buy their dresses, a wrap/stole, hair vines, jewellery and bags - all of which apart from the dresses were optional as I didn’t want to be like ‘you must wear exactly this’ but I did want them to have the option and have them to keep afterwards. They are very close friends and assure me they’re perfectly happy with the way things went, I wish I could have paid for the hair and makeup still but they really didn’t expect it.

Shayisgreat · 05/01/2020 16:40

YANBU to not pay for hair and makeup.

I paid for it for my bridesmaids who all said that they didn't expect me to. I didn't even consider paying for any of their accommodation or travel AND I expected them to travel to the UK from Ireland for the wedding. When I was a bridesmaid I have always paid for my own travel, accommodation and I expected to do my own hair and make up (but twice the brides surprised me in the end by paying for it to be done.) You've bought the dress you want them to wear and you don't mind how they do their hair and make up so you're grand.

Some of the responses here are weird and very harsh on you.

DeRigueurMortis · 05/01/2020 16:44

When I got married I booked a MUA for a trial for myself and MOH.

I'm so glad I did.

Whilst the make up/hair was really well done I just didn't like it. I didn't feel or look like me and MOH felt the same.

I realised I could have asked for changes - but those changes were to replicate how I did my make up/hair anyway Blush.

So on the day we got ready together, did our own make up and helped each other with our hair (mainly blow drying the back properly).

We were both much more comfortable with how we looked!

I appreciate some people feel getting hair/make done is part of the day and some people look amazing but I've also seen some people who look almost unrecognisable (and not in a good way) on their wedding day.

So don't feel bad about ditching this element. It's really not necessary and doesn't always produce a great result in any case.

Just make sure everyone knows what the plan is so they are prepared.

NamechangeforTransStuff · 05/01/2020 17:42

Ignore the arsey replies, OP, and have a lovely day Smile

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.