AIBU not not pay for bridesmaids hair?

[tomatoo]

We started wedding planning 2 years ago when we were doing fine with money, so booked an expensive venue. We have since bought a moneypit of a house and also have 2 preschool kids, so childcare costs are high.
I chose 6 bridesmaids (2 years ago). We have paid for their dresses. We wanted to pay for their accommodation too, but we just can't afford it now. I'm obviously paying for their flowers.
AIBU to ask them to pay for their hair / makeup if they want it done?
I don't care how they have their hair or makeup or if they have it done at all. I am not getting my makeup professionally done because we can't afford. I was planning on paying for us all to have our hair done, but having received quotes we can't afford it.
Not that it matters but none of the bridesmaids have children or financial issues (that I know of).
The groom isn't having any groomsmen because we can't afford suits so I feel it's really unfair (of me) that I have chosen 6 bridesmaids and we are paying for their dresses, flowers. I think paying their hair might just push DP over the edge!

As long as you're not expecting them to have their hair in a specific style it's perfectly fine to let them know that you won't be paying for them (Just the same as if you don't request a specific shoe to be worn).

Why not forget the uber expensive hen do (for your guests if not for you) and have a girlie day experimenting with hairstyles and make-up instead? You may find that the ones who are good at it will be happy to assist with those who are less confident and it bonds you all together.

There's no way you could ask them to pay for "their" flowers anyway so that's silly. Of course you pay for the flowers.

How much is the accommodation?

Six bridesmaids and no groomsmen seems a little odd.

If you aren’t getting hair/makeup done then I think that’s ok. I’d be more upset about the accommodation.

You didn’t think this through very well.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes and hair accessories and as I had a friend doing my hair as a wedding present (at my house on the wedding morning) I asked if she could do my two older bridesmaids (her DD was my flower girl) in a quick chignon type style (so no laborious curling etc) which she did and I was very grateful. If I had to pay and go somewhere for it then it would have been a no. I did my own make up as I wanted to look like me for DH as I don't wear much. Wedding was local so no overnight accommodation needed.

When I was a bridesmaid the bride bought my dress but I bought my shoes (she asked us to do this) and hair flowers but we had to do our own hair and make up which I was fine with - I wore it half up/ half down and a few curly tendrils so nothing too arduous. I was MOH so my main priority was the bride and looking after her needs. She'd also paid for our accommodation as it wasn't local so it was very fair for me to do my own hair etc.

Every situation is different so don't feel you have to follow what everyone else does. There is no particular etiquette but do give ample notice of your intentions as some may expect hair done as a given and need to practice their styles.

Tbh I think you should have thought it through though before asking 6 people to be bridesmaids though

If you tell them you aren't doing hair and make up that's fine so long as you aren't specifying style which you've said you aren't. I feel sorry your DP has no groomsmen it's his wedding too. I would forgoe my hair and make up so my DP could have a groomsman. if you are UK, Debenhams have fabulous suit sale.

I had my hair and make up professionally done, my bridesmaids did their own.
It's your special day not theirs.

YABU to have six bridesmaids you can’t afford.

then turn up as the bride without even looking like one overly harsh. Op isn't having her makeup done professionally, she's presumably still going to be in a wedding dress with nice hair and flowers. I don't huck people are going to be confused who the bride is because she did her own makeup.

OP tell your friends you're doing your own makeup so perhaps you can ask do it together, let them know where you're having your hair done if they want to book in but explain you're happy for them to do it themselves.

Tell DH to pick geomagnetic but let them wear their own suits if you really can't starch to a few hours suits. Where are you getting DH's suit from? If you're hiring will they do you a deal? I think when you both look back he'll come to resent having no friends up there with him whilst you've got 6

@frivolouspancake well she could at the time. Are you suggesting she tells them she no longer wants them? That would be unreasonable.

There was no "news" that they had to pay for accommodation- they never knew that we were hoping to pay for it.
We live hours away from where all the bridesmaids live because they live in different parts of the UK / our lives. So they would have had to pay for some sort of accommodation if they wished to attend our wedding in any event. There is no obligation for them to stay anywhere. Both DP and I have been bridesmaids / best men for the people within the group and we have never had our accommodation paid for.
I mentioned I am obviously paying for their flowers, not in relation to something they should pay for I meant it as another cost of my side of the wedding (me and my bridesmaids) when the groom is having no groomsmen to avoid cost. Same with the dresses- happy to have bought them. Everyone has shoes they already own that they want to wear (dresses are long).
As I make clear in my OP our financial circumstances have changed since we planned the wedding.

It’s fine.
As a bride I didn’t even have any makeup on because I don’t wear it. One of my bridesmaids did my hair. I had a big dress and posh venue and I look like any other bride. As do my bridesmaids ( all naturally stunningly be fair).

The groom isn't having any groomsmen because we can't afford suits so I feel it's really unfair (of me) that I have chosen 6 bridesmaids and we are paying for their dresses, flowers

I agree with you ... so why not simply cut the massive number of bridesmaids?

Just tell them all you’re not having Pro hair and make up done so they will all just be doing their own on the day. Don’t say they will have to pay for their own- that sounds like you expect it done professionally at their expense which isn’t what you mean.

It's fine. I had someone do my hair and make up but my 3 bridesmaids wore their own dresses and did their own hair and makeup. I did say it would be ace if they could wear something in the blue/purple/pink spectrum, but if they didn't want, to no probs. They have very individual styles and I couldn't afford to dress them all. They were happy to look like themselves and not be in some sort of uniform for the day!

Also to the person saying I won't look like a bride- no idea where you got that from. I very much will look like a bride, but thanks!

Why can't the groom have groomsmen that wear their own suits? It's a role they have on the day to support each of you, they don't need to be matchy matchy to fulfill it. DH had two best men and a groomsman and they wore their own suits. They were identifiable by their button holes and their speeches!

I Think it is ridiculous to have 6 BM and not even one groomsman. Its going to look so odd. I would explain and cancel all the BM and invest more into your wedding - doing your makeup, hair , food , photos etc.
That's what you will look back on, not 6 people.

I’ve never been a bridesmaid where I’ve had to pay for my own make-up or hair, so would consider it unusual.

I’ve also never been to a wedding with 6 bridesmaids and no groomsmen and think that’d look quite strange too. I’d feel odd being a BM in that situation- it’s all very one-sided.

Sounds like you’ve overstretched, OP. Can you have a word with your BMs and see if any of them would prefer to step down? Sounds like it’s turned out to be a lot different of a wedding compared to what they signed-up for.

Also I think DH got them nice matching ties, now I think of it.

YANBU not to pay for their hair as long as they can have it however they like but YABVU not to pay for their accommodation if they can't stay at home the night before the wedding.

You should explain your new financial circumstances to the bridesmaids and just have your oldest friend and then your DP can have a best man and the wedding is not so ridiculously expensive. It's ridiculous that people spend 20k on a wedding (not saying you are but 6 bridesmaids isn't going to come cheap) and then moan (again not saying that you are) that they don't have a deposit for a house.

I got married in Italy and I had 2 bridesmaids. They were both sisters so they obviously would have been coming anyway so paid their own flights and accommodation etc.

I paid for their dresses, alterations and bouquets. They bought their own shoes and accessories. In terms of makeup I did my research and picked my own hair and makeup artist. I then put all of my research into a table (name of the MUA and cost for each so they could research them on Instagram etc). I told them who I was having and told them they could have the same as me or pick their own but they would have to pay. They were both happy to pay their way for the one I had chosen for myself so we just had the one girl on the day getting us ready. They both chose to have both hair and makeup done but they could have cut their own costs by just having one of those.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all if you add up what you are paying for them all ready..dresses, bouquets, probably gifts for them (I got them robes to get ready in and a little item of jewellery and a card but it adds up!), paying for their meal, favours etc. It adds up!

YANBU. You are providing the dresses and flowers and saying they can wear their hair and have their make up however they want. If they want it done professionally they can pay for it themselves. Or they can do it themselves for free.

then turn up as the bride without even looking like one.
How is she not looking like a bride?

Every time I've had my makeup done I've looked like a drag queen so you bet I was doing my own makeup for my wedding! I don't look like me when I get my makeup done by someone else.

It's possible to do your own hair and makeup and look perfectly like a bride! What a weird statement up thread.