To call SS?

[TiredMama90]

I need help.

My son is nearly 3. I cannot cope anymore.

We were given our notice on our old place as the landlord wanted to put the rent up (I told him I couldn't afford it). So we contacted another council as the council I was living in wouldn't help me due to me not being in the area long enough.

The other council took us as my partner lives here. We moved in together.

My sons routine has gone. Out the window.....poof.
He hasn't gone to bed at 7 since we moved (before he went to bed without so much as a whinge and slept through).

Now, he stays up, I then lie in bed with him until he falls asleep. If he wakes, I either go to bed or he comes and sleeps on the sofa next to me.

Partner has been in his bed for the last 2 months, whilst he's been in ours with me.

He cries for shit food. Refuses to eat his dinner, breakfast or healthy snacks.

He doesn't listen to me at all.

Tonight, I put him back in his bed (after having it decorated and carpet laid). Led him down, quietly talked to him, told him I wouldn't be laying next to him. He cried for a few minutes but fell asleep. Half an hour later he woke and cried for 40 minutes. I went to calm him but he screamed even louder, grabbed hold of me.

When I finally managed to get out, he ran and grabbed the door before I shut it. Did this 3 times.

I lost it and cried. I can't cope anymore! I need routine.

I’m not sure I have the practical advice to help you but I didn’t want to read and not reply. That sounds so frustrating. We have a 19 month old and we have the occasional string of godawful nights. I really hope someone comes along with practical suggestions soon, however I don’t think SS is the way to go. Perhaps your GP as a starting point? Are there any parenting groups either in person or on fb for your area?

You need to call your health visiting team and ask them for advice. This isn't a matter for social services but there is help if you ask for it.

I dont understand why you call SS for this?

Oh my lovely, I’m so sorry that you are going through this.
Can you get hold of a Health Visitor?
Your son is probably feeling like his world has been removed. It will take time, however, you do sound like you might need a bit of help with him right now.
Your health visitor or your GP will be able to signpost you to some help regarding strategies.
Good luck OP!

I'm not sure what SS will do for toddler tantrums and not going to sleep, sorry to be blunt in my wording. There is no safeguarding issue unless you haven't told us something (I assume that's not the case). I feel for you though and it sounds very exhausting.

Is there anyone else around that can help?

Do you think he could be a bit anxious because of a big change in his life so acting out in ways that he can?

he is 3 it all sounds normal for a little boy who has moved and now has a new adult living with him. He is unsettled and it is showing.
I would try and access some parenting courses and help and support that way do you still have a local childrens centre?

SS won’t do anything about this

Pretty normal for a 3 year old, starting to be more aware of what they want in the world, pushing boundaries and needing you at nightime. There's a website, Gentle Parenting I think that has some good advice on it, is it Janet Lansbury I think? I remember this time, it's really tough, no need for SS though, this is not their area if work

Contact your HV. There’s support out there but you have to really seek it out. My youngest has a sleep disorder due to his ASD and I’ve not had a proper nights sleep since he was born and he’s 9 this year so I do have every sympathy.

Does your child have any other behavioural issues at all by the way?

You could ask for an Early Help Plan. We did this and have a family support worker who has been brilliant. A health visitor should know or if you search early help on your council website (for us it’s on the county council rather than town) it might come up.

💐

I'm scared I will lose it with him. I love him with all my heart but I am not calm or collected.

My temper gets far too much even for me to handle. It's not his fault, it's mine.

He doesn't deserve this.

Not sure you’d be eligible but may be worth looking anyway especially if there’s other stuff you are struggling with? Sometimes a non sleeping child is just the tip of the iceberg. We referred ourselves for one particular thing (a hoop to jump through to get DS referred to CAMHS) but she’s ended up doing absolutely loads of referrals etc with us.

Definitely see your health visitor though or ask at a children’s centre if you have one. 💐

Are you getting a break at all? 3 year olds are full on.

I just reread your post properly (I jumped in too quickly before) and it really may just take a few days, maybe weeks - it’s a huge adjustment to suddenly go back to your own bed (no judgment here - my toddler’s bed has clothes in it, I just can’t face trying to tackle sleep right now)

I happened to have SS involved when I had a two year old doing this, it lasted well into her fifth year. Sorry.

Their advice was a mixture of cry it out and that paced approach where you stay in there til they fall asleep but gradually over time you stay a little further away as they fall asleep.

Neither worked for her, it's just the way she's wired up. Her older sister was never a problem. Almost too good to be true.

I was a single parent going through it but we had had a few major upheavals/ moves due to DV. I think it's just been part of how she dealt with it all.

Your situation is different but I slept when she did, I didn't discourage one daynap and usually we had that one together on my bed.

It won't go on forever, it'll feel like it but this will end.

Don’t worry about not eating healthy snacks for now, just make sure he’s eating something. Fight one battle at a time x

Please don't give up on your baby. It's the worst thing you could do to him. He will be destroyed if he loses his mama.
He seems very unsettled from the move, as do you.
It'll settle down. It's quite usual to co sleep with a toddler. Certainly not failing as a parent. Try not to shut the door on him, it doesn't need shutting. You're upsetting him needlessly by that and it's making him hysterical.
That doesn't mean you should give up on him though. Your doing ok and have been through a tough time. You just need a bit of guidance.

All parents make silly mistakes, esp middle class ones in my experience but they're more confident to brush it off.
Sending hugs.

Also routine isn't the only way.
Ss won't take your child away for not having a fixed routine.
Plenty of people have very little routine.

Choose your battles, deal with one issue at a time.
Maybe if he can communicate enough workout a routine with him, bath, pj's, milk and cookie then story then bed.

rinse repeat keep going it will eventually work.
try to look forward to it so he doesn't sense your anxiousness.

my girl if she behaves at bedtime gets to pick the next nights story and maybe gets two.
little steps at a time.
much luck it is hard and daunting.

I hate shutting the door on him. He can't bear it. Feels like he's being locked away.

The only reason I do is because he stands at the stair gate and cries (I'm
In a flat and his bedroom is right next door to the living room).

He's a good boy, I love him with everything I have & he equally loves me but won't let my partner do anything for him (understandable as he's still adjusting to sharing me).

He has to lay all over me at all times. Won't even let me put his sight.

I'm his comfort thing.

You want to call social services because your 3 year old is being a 3 year old?

It’s very normal for a small child who has moved from where he knew, in with someone else and in a totally different area. You are the adult and need to start putting him in routine.

Stop shutting the door. The idea of it is traumatising me no matter him. He's only little. It could end up with damaging his mental health.
If it's because your partner wants privacy then you just have to put your baby first for a few years. He's worth it.

There's a book by Tracy Hogg I think, it's called the baby whisperer. She has this technique where you put your child to bed. If he cries, pick him up and cuddle him until he's calmed down, then put him back down to bed. If he cries again pick him up and cuddle him again and put him down. Keep doing that until he gives up crying and sleeps. I did this with my boy and the first time I did it I picked him up 145 times (persistent little bugger!) The second time it was about 35 times. He got used to sleeping on his own very quickly. That avoided me leaving him, shutting the door, traumatising him hearing him cry which I wouldn't do. Try this. And good luck!

Hes 3 years old, will he settle in your bed without you? Hes had a massive shock with a move, is your DP his dad?

I struggled for his first year (his father left before he was born. Yada yada).

I don't cope with stress well.
My partner is pushing me to get him in his own bed so she doesn't have to sleep in it (can't blame her I guess).

I'm being pulled by my partner & also my son. I'm exhausted, I am missing my family horribly. I don't know what to do.

Kids aren't easy. I know this but I'm still human. I have my own issues that I'm trying to deal with.

I just want to keep my son safe.