To call SS?

[TiredMama90]

I need help.

My son is nearly 3. I cannot cope anymore.

We were given our notice on our old place as the landlord wanted to put the rent up (I told him I couldn't afford it). So we contacted another council as the council I was living in wouldn't help me due to me not being in the area long enough.

The other council took us as my partner lives here. We moved in together.

My sons routine has gone. Out the window.....poof.
He hasn't gone to bed at 7 since we moved (before he went to bed without so much as a whinge and slept through).

Now, he stays up, I then lie in bed with him until he falls asleep. If he wakes, I either go to bed or he comes and sleeps on the sofa next to me.

Partner has been in his bed for the last 2 months, whilst he's been in ours with me.

He cries for shit food. Refuses to eat his dinner, breakfast or healthy snacks.

He doesn't listen to me at all.

Tonight, I put him back in his bed (after having it decorated and carpet laid). Led him down, quietly talked to him, told him I wouldn't be laying next to him. He cried for a few minutes but fell asleep. Half an hour later he woke and cried for 40 minutes. I went to calm him but he screamed even louder, grabbed hold of me.

When I finally managed to get out, he ran and grabbed the door before I shut it. Did this 3 times.

I lost it and cried. I can't cope anymore! I need routine.

To be honest, is better to shut the door than loosing it in front of him.

I think you need to spend a few nights with him in his new room, and gradually spend less time out of it. He is not going to go from sleeping with mum in her bed every night to alone in his own room from one day to another. But little by little you will get there.

Give your health visitor a call..some people tend to think that once little ones hit 3yrs that you cant contact them but this is exactly the type of thing they can help with. Sounds like your little one is finding it hard adjusting to his new surroundings and sharing mummy. Might seem trivial to us but in his little world its major. Having a clingy child can be overwelming and really tough but if he was settled before the move it really just seems that his routine has been lost. You will get it back but it will take time..not meaning to sound patronising but he probably is feeding to certain level of your emotions, i say that because first hand iv noticed when i am stressed my ds (almost 3) will play up more. It took some time for my ds to adjust to being in his room alone at night. What i ended up doing was always making sure he was i his own bed and i would sit beside him holding his hand, then gradually moved a little further (him in bed, me beside on floor) and eventually i moved toward the door (sat on cushion reading a book) until i eventually got out the door. Sounds mad now but it worked and didnt take that long to get into routine. As for yourself, cut yourself some slack and perhaps consider making an appointment to see gp.

The HV helped us when DD started having trouble staying in her room & settling to sleep. She was nearly 2 & was fine the first couple of months in her big bed. Then the crying started...I used to lie down with her till she went to sleep, but I'd drop off too...and then wake later & have to get up & do my school work! We tried the moving closer to the door gradually but once we got to the door she would lose it.
HV said every time she gets up put her back to bed without speaking or making eye contact. The first night I put her back to bed 43 times in less than 20mins, then she stayed there. Each night she got up fewer times. It was tough but being consistent paid off. Within 2 weeks she was staying in bed after her story. Maybe you could try this.
Your little boy has had 2 big changes to adjust to, so it's not surprising he is feeling clingy. I hope things improve soon..
Good luck.

OP, it sounds like you have had a lot on your plate lately.
You are obviously a good mum, firstly because you care so much about how he is feeling and making his life better.

Our little ones can be extremely frustrating, tiring and volatile, but try and remember he is only 3.

He may be crying for the reassurance from his mummy that all this change is actually ok, that his new bedroom will soon be a place he loves to sleep in and that he may be struggle to deal with his own emotions and the only thing he knows is he loves his mummy and she keeps him safe, so he wants to be close to her. It will pass 💐💐

if you do need a little extra support ring for a HV to pop in and talk it through. But mostly..be kind to yourself and remember he's only 3 💐

Oh sweetheart I do feel for you , he is unsettled at the moment because of the move and your partner sharing you , he has no control over his little life so is being vocal about what he needs , I agree with PP about pick your battles , let him settle for a while and get used to the new things and then start to think about routine gradually , so what if he sleeps with you for a while or eats rubbish , you just do what you need to do hour by hour , I wish you luck

HV team will help but honestly it sounds normal after such a big change.

Is your DP his Dad? If yes, then you need to take turns putting him to bed. If no, has just moved in? If yes it sounds like your little one feels pushed out.

My 3 year old is still not asleep. DH is trying to put her to bed for the 3rd time tonight. It’s not normal but she has been unwell and having nightmares. They are still tiny and just need cuddles sometimes.

Sounds like my 3 year old and he hasn't had any upheaval. (my youngest) he tests me to the limit. Won't eat his dinner ever, nearly 2 weeks of this . In the evening now I put him on his trike and take him out at 7, I KNOW. When he is a bit wrecked on the way home I give him the bedtime plan, jammies, hot choc, teeth then bed for a book.he agrees. The attention plus advance warning seems to be working. Still have no answer for the eating. I'm on Max '4 spoons' and I feed him. Don't panic, there are lots of us around

The worst part?? It's not even him!
He's not even the issue.

He was happy to sleep until we moved. He's been dragged 40
Miles from his aunty & nanny. The two other important people in his life. He was happy and settled & now he's unsure. Probably worried il leave him next.

I can't give myself to my son & my partner......I can't do both. I just want to be there for my son. I know it sounds selfish towards my partner but I'm fighting them both.

He's my son. I raise him, I love & protect him.

He doesn't deserve to be shoved in his room & have the door shut on him. He didn't sleep with his door shut for over a year (because a stair gate wouldn't allow the door to close).

He needs me!! He's only 3

Please call your HV and go easy on yourself and the little one

A few things you could try. Instead of sleeping in be d with him or he bed with you, sleep on a matress on the floor. (As a short term solution.)
Or try the gradual regression. Sit at end of bed. Then go to door. Then top of stairs. If cries moe forward a step reassure. I tried this approach and it did work. With the meal issues, don,t buy the junk then you have none to offer?

OP you know what the problem is its just how to solve it.

But what do you mean fighting your partner - does he want the door shut?

Not being funny but your partners needs shouldn't really be coming into it. Your 3 year old needs to feel secure not pushed out

I am a. Social worker. This isn't a Social work issue and you won't lose your son. This is an issue for your health visitor to help you with. Your DD is unsettled and needs security. Persevere and you will come through it.

This is not meant to sound horrible, but if at the moment you can't give yourself to your partner and your partner can't understand that your DS takes priority, then your partner needs to go for a bit.

Could she rent a little place close by or a room somewhere for a little while ?
How long have you feel together can you afford it alone ?

Well said OP. He does need you. He's only 3.
Can you live with your mum or aunty if partner isn't understanding.
At least talk to your mum and aunty about this x

I can't give myself to my son & my partner......I can't do both. I just want to be there for my son. I know it sounds selfish towards my partner but I'm fighting them both.

OP, this is key. It does not sound selfish. It sounds right. It's how it should be. Of course your child should come first. In all circumstances but even more so when his little world has been turned upside down.

Why not take the pressure off and just lay with him until he falls asleep? My 4 year old has only recently stopped needing this and he hasn't experienced any trauma or change. It's just what he needed. The nights I fought it were the nights I got angry and upset. The nights I accepted it were much better, just for my own wellbeing.

You know in your heart it's not right to shut the door on him while he's upset. It comes across through your posts. I think you possibly have a partner problem... she(?) needs to understand how small 3 is and how hard it can be for them to adjust. That his needs have to come first. It's just how it is.

Speak to your health visitor but try and involve your partner in the process if they're willing. You won't get anywhere if you feel stuck between your son and your partner.

My partner (gf. I'm
Also female), is understanding most of the time but other times she gets frustrated and tells me I'm far too easy on him and give in to him.

I agree with her but he's my little boy, my baby. He loves me with all his heart.

I can afford to live without her (financially we are worse off with her here). I've known her 8 years, she's actually my ex wife (way before he was born).

Right now, sounds horrible but I just want to make him
Happy & feel loved & secure.

But I feel like a bitch for it because my partner isn't getting anything from me right now. I'm too tired and far too detached.

I think this is quite normal for this age. My little boy slept wonderfully from 11 weeks old until we moved house when he was nearly 3. He used to go to sleep on his own and stay there for 12 hours. He’s now 4 and we still haven’t got back to that

It’s shit but you just need to go with it for a while. He’s a baby and needs you, your partner needs to understand this. Please don’t shut the door on him if he’s scared.

Can your partner move out and you gradually re-introduce your son to your partner living with you - maybe they could visit during the day, spend time with your DS and stay a night every so often, etc.

Your first priority is to your little boy, he seems to have been traumatised by moving from his relatives and having your partner live with you.

You might need to put him before a relationship for a while.

If you just want to make him feel happy and secure, then that’s what you need to do.

He's very young and has had a lot a change in a short time. Everything he has known has changed. He will be feeling confused and insecure. But he can't articulate it so he shows it by tantrumming and not sleeping. He needs reassurance from you. Is he at Nursery? Does he mix with other children? If not try to do activities together, make new friends and a new routine. Don't expect too much from him, baby him for a while And for now let him Co sleep if he needs it.

If you can't give yourself to your son and your partner then you know what you need to do. Your son needs you much more than your partner does. He is your priority.

He is still so young, of course he still wants his mammy all the time. Especially with all the change he has had in his life recently.
I know some people are sticklers for routine and kids sleeping in their own beds etc. But I think sometimes you have to just go along with them.
I found when I just changed my outlook on my lack of sleep I felt so much better. So instead of thinking 'I've been up all night', I started thinking 'I only had to feed a couple of times and went back to sleep'. It's all psychology I think.
Think of your little boy needing you and wanting his mammys warmth, smell, security. You are his whole world. His safe place. It's a good thing. Please don't close the door on him.

OP I have no different advice than what's already been said.
1.You are a fantastic mum

1. Your son has had a big change in his life
2. It is 'normal' behaviour
3. Try and speak to your health visitor or GP
4. Don't worry too much about his food / meals at the minute. Focus on one issue at a time.

I had a terrible time for about 6 months last year with my 3.5yro that just hit me out the blue and we had had no change to our routine or any sort of upheaval that your son has had. He is absolutely back in his routine now so it won't last forever. However, how are you feeling about moving OP ?, in all honesty you don't sound like you're too happy. You also sound like you are missing your mum and sister (as you said aunty).... you don't sound happy with your partner? Do you want to back to your hometown? Perhaps think about what you want and then you an focus on your son. Sending

Listen to your instincts. Your little boy needs you. Have you got enough space/room to get a small double bed for his room so you can settle him in bed and then go to your room but easily jump back into bed with him over night if needed.

My family aren't great support, in the fact that they "stick up" for my gf by telling me that co sleeping isn't "right" & I should nip it in the bud ASAP.

It's bullshit. My mum had my younger brother in with her until he was at least 5!

She just chose not to do it with my 3 other brothers.

My sister (who hasn't had kids yet), likes to tell me how it's weird, "no one else does it!".

Apparently I'm "babying" him too much.

Again. ALL BULLSHIT.

He is my first born & only child. His father pissed off before he was born. I'm all he's got.