To think that I could be autistic?

[Strugglingfemale]

I know Aibu might not be the best place but posting for traffic/experiences.

I'm 37 and I've struggled my whole life socially. Mainly anxiety but can get a bit depressed too. I've been reading up about autism in women and some of it seems familiar. Especially the bits about copying other people's behaviour in social situations.

These are some of the things I struggle with.

I can't cope with lots of people. I always just thought I was an introvert/anxious, but I get totally overwhelmed in groups. I'll avoid situations socially, even with family if there are too many people because it all just becomes like a big buzz of noise.

Same with work, I work in a team and although I like everyone individually, I can't bear it when the whole team is in, much prefer it when a few are on annual leave even if it means I'm busier as there's less people to deal with.

I'm pretty noise intolerant.

I really really struggle with any changes to plans. To the point it totally messes with my head my brain can't process it and I can even get angry or upset.

I struggle to relate to most people, so at work people with be chatting about what's in the news usually celeb gossip or tv like Love Island or the Royal Family and I just wonder why are they going on about this stuff it's pointless.

I've got a real thing about clothes and shoes, i do like to dress fashionably but comfort has to come first, I can't stand feeling restricted in my clothing. I will often look at peoples feet just say a woman in high heels, or someone wearing hard shoes with no socks and I get a bit fixated thinking how uncomfortable their feet must be.

When I was a child/teenager I was never interested in the typical stuff like boy bands and would just pretend.

I'm fine chatting to people and make small talk, but often feel it's quite pointless and I'm just saying what I know I should say. I can also be quite literal and offend people really without meaning to, to rectify this I will just not speak or just stick to safe conversations. I also think I take people literally I seem to remember every thing people say.

There are probably loads more examples but it's getting a bit long now.

Do you think you could be Aspergers?

Do you think you could be Aspergers?

None she can't BE Aspergers

You don't fucking turn into it

OP - I am autistic. I had to go private for a diagnosis because unless you are under mental health or in education there is no pathway for adults to be diagnosed here. I went to a GP years ago with pretty much the same as you have posted and he told me I had social anxiety. It wasn't until much later I realised it was probably autism. After 2 of my DC had been diagnosed. The second was a girl and when I looked into the differences it all fell into place.

Sounds like me too. I was seen by a psychiatrist and was eventually diagnosed with a personality disorder though she and the consultant nearly decided on autism. I'm going for a second opinion as, given everything I've subsequently read, I tick off so many points for autism whereas only self-harm fits into the personality disorder. I don't see why suffering emotional abuse can't be separate from or partially due to having autism rather than to a personality disorder IYSWIM.

I think I’m autistic too OP - obviously undiagnosed- I’m now 38. Have always suffered with social anxiety and pretty much everything else you have described. Plus a lot of other things. I feel like my entire personality is a copy of behaviours I have learnt over the years too. I sometimes wonder if I’m actually genuine. Weird to explain. Can’t bare to wear jewellery or makeup as I can feel it on my skin. Noise really effects me. I need to be in control of everything and if things aren’t done to my standard I get quite distressed. I panic over pre booked holidays months in advance as I know my routine will be severely disrupted. Whenever I travel in a car, I do this weird things where I have to bite my left hand side teeth when I pass a house or telegraph post and then the right of my teeth for the next one and back and forth and so on. God I’m so weird. So many other traits too. The ironic thing is, that I have only come to this conclusion as I teach young people who are out of school, many of whom are autistic, have had lots of training over the years and lightbulbs have been going off in my head - more and more - I’m finally beginning to recognise myself.

I tick off so many points for autism whereas only self-harm fits into the personality disorder.

Really? That isnt true at all, my DS has Aspergers Syndrome and I was bawling down the phone to the autistic helpline years ago when he started self harming at 8 years old.

I was assured it was a normal coping strategy when he gets stressed. Even his school were aware and familiar of his self harming and knew the signs before it got bad in class. He is in his 20's now and still does it (although he stopped punching himself in the face a few years ago)

Eating is an interesting thing for me too - from the start of a meal to the end, I have to make sure the ratios of each item remain the same throughout. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Just seems like you're a perfectly "normal" person to me.
Not many people like to feel uncomfortable.
Most people get annoyed at noise.
Nobody I know gives a toss about love island and would be exasperated listening to people going on about it: same with the royal family.
The vast majority of people have some degree of social anxiety.

Is there a reason you want a label?

Is there a reason you want a label?

Autism is not a label, it's a diagnosis. Funny how no-one calls diabetes or epilepsy a label, but people feel free to do so with autism.

Your description sounds a lot like me . Haven’t ever looked into it properly though but have wondered

well people do refer to eg. diabetic label

You sound very much like me and I've long suspected that I have Asperger's. It was while I was doing a foundation degree in early years that I came across a book called "Martian in the Playground" which is about Autism/Asperger's-i read it and everything just clicked into place. It described exactly how I felt as I was growing up, particularly throughout my teenage years.

I struggled with friendships and still do. I have very few friends now as an adult, and while I'm perfectly happy with that, part of me wishes I could be part of a close knit friendship group. But I know that wouldn't make me happy, I don't like large groups, and I don't enjoy the sorts of things groups of women tend to do when they're out.

I suffered a lot with depression and anxiety as a teenager because of the way that I was in wanting friends but being unable to cope with the intricacies of social interaction. Funnily enough as I've got older this had lessened as I've come to terms with who I am and why I'm like I am.

I tend to get fixated on certain things and research them to death though I try not to bore others with it!

I have never had a diagnosis but I don't feel like I need one as it wouldn't improve my life in any way... I'd still be me.

I also think I may be autistic.

I struggle massively socially. I need breaks from big groups of people because I can’t cope with it for too long.

I have no filter on my mouth. If I think it, I say it no matter how much my mum has tried to tell me that I can’t say things like that.

I can’t mix food. Food must be eaten as separate things. Beans, etc. must go in a separate dish so they can’t contaminate. Food is a massive sensory issue for me in general.

I did an online test called the Autistic Spectrum Quotient after reading about it on MN. I’ve attached the picture of my score. When I shared it with my DH, some of my friends and my closest colleagues, none of them were surprised and said it actually makes a lot of sense. I’ve decided not to go for diagnosis at this point but after getting that score, I felt a bit lost for a while. Like I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Op I think you've just described me! I went via mind who referred me to National autistic society. Waited around 4months for initial appointment. They talked general mental health urgency ect to signpost me. Then had a questionnaire sent out via the post. This then went back to a psychiatrist. Took just under 8months in total for a diagnosis. Life hasn't changed much but it's just such a huge fucking relief. So many past experiences now make much more sense. Moving Forward I don't get mad at myself for not being able to do what others do.

I have never had a diagnosis but I don't feel like I need one as it wouldn't improve my life in any way... I'd still be me.

That is how I feel. I don’t want people to see me differently because I’m still the same person I have always been.

Hi OP your thread caught my eye as my dd was diagnosed with Autism when she was 16. We went through CAMHS as she was suffering from severe social anxiety and really struggled with school and friendships at that time. The first consultant that met her suggested autism which floored me as I had quite a stereotypical view of it and school had never mentioned it as a possibility. Through a lot of my own research I can see that I would probably tick alot of boxes too. I think there is an awaking among autistic adults particularly women now. I would recommend speaking to your GP to investigate diagnosis also seek advice from other autistic adults, there are some good FB groups. Spectrum Women has a book and videos on YouTube and Neurotribes is an excellent book. Thankfully my dd has seen her Autism as a positive thing and it has helped her and us to understand how her Neurodiverse mind works. Btw there is a notable history of misdiagnosis between BPD and ASD in women, to me a diagnosis is important to make sure you are not receiving the wrong treatment or unnecessary medication. Best wishes on your journey

I don’t want people to see me differently because I’m still the same person I have always been.

It didn't change anything for me. I didn't tell anyone other than DH and my DC. It's not something I felt the need to announce. In fact I rarely mention it to people, unless it specifically comes up in conversation.

What it did for me was make sense of most of my life. That was really important. Getting assessed became one of my obsessions; it had to happen.

My little boy is on the pathway for ASD diagnosis. Since I've been learning about it, I've started to wonder if I am. It makes a lot of sense and I've had a lot of 'lightbulb moments' when I think back to my childhood/teenage years. It would explain quite a lot, even relationships. Not sure how helpful a diagnosis would be for me at this point and focused entirely on my son.

Oddly enough, I was very close to a younger relative (she's late teens now) as I 'got ' her. I now suspect she might be, her dad/my uncle and others in my family.

There is so much awareness and understanding about it now that I believe a lot of adults are starting to suspect they could be.

Sorry when I say it didn't change anything for me I mean in terms of how other people saw me.

@Ispywithmycynicaleye I don't think @TooManyPaws means that self harm doesn't fit with a diagnosis of autism, she means that she doesn't fit any of the criteria for the personality disorder she has been diagnosed with other than self harm, yet she fits many of the diagnostic criteria for autism.

I was diagnosed last year with autistim at 35

"Really? That isnt true at all, my DS has Aspergers Syndrome and I was bawling down the phone to the autistic helpline years ago when he started self harming at 8 years old.

I was assured it was a normal coping strategy when he gets stressed."

Self harm isn't any more a 'normal' coping strategy for autistic people than it is for non-autistic people. It's a behavioural response to extreme stress in all groups.

I've always self harmed during meltdowns but never kind of consciously. The person with BPD I knew did the self harm very consciously with tools collected specifically for that purpose, e.g. knives and razors. For me the autism self harm is always a kind if lashing out as the emotions and sensory input completely overload. Head banging, scratching and hair pulling mostly.

I dont think you can know you're autistic without going through the diagnostic process. Some people disagree.

For me it's provided the relief of an explanation about why friendships and jobs have repeatedly failed time and time again. Having meltdowns at work or at social gatherings is somewhat frowned upon if you dont know what the fuck is happening yourself.

I struggled with friendships and still do. I have very few friends now as an adult, and while I'm perfectly happy with that, part of me wishes I could be part of a close knit friendship group. But I know that wouldn't make me happy, I don't like large groups, and I don't enjoy the sorts of things groups of women tend to do when they're out.

This really hit home with me. There are a lot of things that groups of adults do that I just can't understand at all and wouldn't enjoy. It means I always feel different and I don't fit in.

I also have some possibly ocd traits and rituals but I'm not sure how that fits in.

The bit about getting upset about routine changes I really struggle with a lot, something happened today where I was supposed to be going somewhere and a person changed the plans, not cancelled but doing it a different way, dh had already sprung something on me and it was all just too much. I couldn't process what was going on my brain just wouldn't have it. I got possibly irrationally upset about it all and my anxiety levels went through the roof, whereas others might get mildly irritated it has ruined my whole day.

That is why I'm considering that there might be a cause for why I feel things the way I do, because it's exhausting me.

I’m wondering the same about myself OP. As a PP said, since my DS has been flagged early for potential signs of autism (he’s only 2yo so quite far off on a formal diagnosis) I’ve done a lot of reading up on ASD and it’s varying signifiers and a lot slotted into place for me too.

I’ve always hated being touched, even by loved ones I’m awkward with random touch. I dislike large groups and well, a lot of what others have already said. I used to think my default personality was a result of my rather difficult upbringing - and I still wonder what parts of myself are due to such a turbulent early life or possibly that some of those characteristics may have been there all along if that makes sense?

I’m considering asking my GP for referral because, whilst it doesn’t change who I am, it might help in some way to explain why I’ve always felt so ‘other’ to those around me. I even process emotions in a different sort of way to those around me, it wasn’t until I met my DH that anybody told me how different my mind seems to work. He was (and still is) in awe of my memory in particular, though he jokes it makes it impossible to argue with me because I really am the person that remembers dates, facts and figures 😂

**
This really hit home with me. There are a lot of things that groups of adults do that I just can't understand at all and wouldn't enjoy. It means I always feel different and I don't fit in.**

I have felt different all my life. When I was younger I used to go through the motions of going on nights out or to work things, but I'd get stressed and anxious before hand and hate every minute. The first time I said "No, actually I don't want to go out" was a huge relief and I found that by being honest with people and saying why I didn't want to go got me a lot more respect and acceptance from people.

I find it really strange because part of me is very conscious of being different, what people think of me, and how I'm coming across, but then another part of me really doesn't care about being different.