To think that I could be autistic?

[Strugglingfemale]

I know Aibu might not be the best place but posting for traffic/experiences.

I'm 37 and I've struggled my whole life socially. Mainly anxiety but can get a bit depressed too. I've been reading up about autism in women and some of it seems familiar. Especially the bits about copying other people's behaviour in social situations.

These are some of the things I struggle with.

I can't cope with lots of people. I always just thought I was an introvert/anxious, but I get totally overwhelmed in groups. I'll avoid situations socially, even with family if there are too many people because it all just becomes like a big buzz of noise.

Same with work, I work in a team and although I like everyone individually, I can't bear it when the whole team is in, much prefer it when a few are on annual leave even if it means I'm busier as there's less people to deal with.

I'm pretty noise intolerant.

I really really struggle with any changes to plans. To the point it totally messes with my head my brain can't process it and I can even get angry or upset.

I struggle to relate to most people, so at work people with be chatting about what's in the news usually celeb gossip or tv like Love Island or the Royal Family and I just wonder why are they going on about this stuff it's pointless.

I've got a real thing about clothes and shoes, i do like to dress fashionably but comfort has to come first, I can't stand feeling restricted in my clothing. I will often look at peoples feet just say a woman in high heels, or someone wearing hard shoes with no socks and I get a bit fixated thinking how uncomfortable their feet must be.

When I was a child/teenager I was never interested in the typical stuff like boy bands and would just pretend.

I'm fine chatting to people and make small talk, but often feel it's quite pointless and I'm just saying what I know I should say. I can also be quite literal and offend people really without meaning to, to rectify this I will just not speak or just stick to safe conversations. I also think I take people literally I seem to remember every thing people say.

There are probably loads more examples but it's getting a bit long now.

OP I also second pushing for diagnosis. It has been life changing for me (and I had late diagnosis too).

It is so fundamental to understanding who we are.

Also don’t pay attention to anyone who says you can’t be. They are not qualified to say (even if the are a MH professional). You can only be diagnosed in a proper assessment.

BlankTimes I had a very tricky childhood and I know that my mother would say I was a difficult child, not badly behaved but probably too intense. But obviously I only remember from my point of view. I know I had suicidal thoughts from a very early age. I followed rituals and even then and had funny ways such as I couldn't wear certain items of clothing, didn't sleep, was socially awkward but I think everyone just thought I was a pain in the arse, could be true or normal childhood quirks.

I can remember a dinner supervisor calling me an evil child because I made an inappropriate joke and being called a strange girl, it's never left me. I was certainly not an evil child. On the whole I got on well at primary school but I ended up missing a lot of secondary school because the crux of it was I couldn't cope.

I appreciate that no one here can diagnose anything but it's really helped just getting things out. I feel rather ridiculous saying it but I guess I'm just seeing things in myself that makes me wonder.

OP I can relate to more or less everything on your list and I have often wondered whether I might be on the spectrum, bit scared to find out though. Some of the things you mentioned can also be HSP traits: hsperson.com/

I've just decided to chase a diagnosis. I'm sat in the job centre feeling totally overwhelmed by all the talking, keyboards clacking, shoes clicking, ID lanyards making noise, lots of strangers and the unfamiliarity. I just want to run.