To think that I could be autistic?

[Strugglingfemale]

I know Aibu might not be the best place but posting for traffic/experiences.

I'm 37 and I've struggled my whole life socially. Mainly anxiety but can get a bit depressed too. I've been reading up about autism in women and some of it seems familiar. Especially the bits about copying other people's behaviour in social situations.

These are some of the things I struggle with.

I can't cope with lots of people. I always just thought I was an introvert/anxious, but I get totally overwhelmed in groups. I'll avoid situations socially, even with family if there are too many people because it all just becomes like a big buzz of noise.

Same with work, I work in a team and although I like everyone individually, I can't bear it when the whole team is in, much prefer it when a few are on annual leave even if it means I'm busier as there's less people to deal with.

I'm pretty noise intolerant.

I really really struggle with any changes to plans. To the point it totally messes with my head my brain can't process it and I can even get angry or upset.

I struggle to relate to most people, so at work people with be chatting about what's in the news usually celeb gossip or tv like Love Island or the Royal Family and I just wonder why are they going on about this stuff it's pointless.

I've got a real thing about clothes and shoes, i do like to dress fashionably but comfort has to come first, I can't stand feeling restricted in my clothing. I will often look at peoples feet just say a woman in high heels, or someone wearing hard shoes with no socks and I get a bit fixated thinking how uncomfortable their feet must be.

When I was a child/teenager I was never interested in the typical stuff like boy bands and would just pretend.

I'm fine chatting to people and make small talk, but often feel it's quite pointless and I'm just saying what I know I should say. I can also be quite literal and offend people really without meaning to, to rectify this I will just not speak or just stick to safe conversations. I also think I take people literally I seem to remember every thing people say.

There are probably loads more examples but it's getting a bit long now.

I have already apologised for the derail btw, but I will always react to people who post inflammatory pish on autism threads.

It's really hurtful. That's all.

I know what you're getting at I'mGoingTo, take no notice of the aggressive attitude of some posters.

Yeah sure, ignore the autistic people explain how disabling autism can be, but listen to the person who says autism is a "cultural thing."

If you don't like the phrases 'higher end' and 'lower end' of the spectrum, how would you prefer to describe the very clear differences between, e.g. a non-verbal 20 year old in nappies, and the people posting on this thread?

I love the way you assume an autistic person is verbal just because they're posting on here. How do you know who's verbal and who's not? Not all non-verbal people have a learning disability you know.
Like Zoobincan said, if an autistic person is non-verbal then you can just say that.
I hate the term "low functioning" because it's so dehumanizing. My younger brother is severely autistic, and I hate it when people use such reductive terms about him.
And I hate the term high functioning because people take that to mean not disabled/mildly affected/slightly autistic and kind of quirky.
I have a high IQ, so yes I'm "high functioning." But I can't live alone, work, drive, travel or cross the fucking road. So yeah, I get a bit angry when people talk about "high functioning autism" being the high end of the spectrum and more of a difference than a disability.

@ispyewithmycynicaleye

I printed out a list of all the symptoms and indicators of the personality disorder from the NHS and other sites and, quite literally, the only one that matched with me was self harm.

I did the same thing with Aspergers/ASD and ticked off around 80% at least.

I have autism too.

I interpreted the earlier post to mean that some levels of autism may go undetected in a different environments, depending on the particular stressors that the autistic person reacts to and their severity.

I may have a disability, but I refuse to be either a victim or a bully. And aggressively swearing at someone who has done no such thing to you is an attempt to bully. It won't work with me.

There are other ways to make your point.

I have autism too.

I interpreted the earlier post to mean that some levels of autism may go undetected in a different environments, depending on the particular stressors that the autistic person reacts to and their severity.

Really? Did you read them all? I am surprised anyone interpreted those posts as anything other than the nonsense they were

I may have a disability, but I refuse to be either a victim or a bully. And aggressively swearing at someone who has done no such thing to you is an attempt to bully. It won't work with me.

I'm no bully. But I won't stand for anyone minimising autism and acting as if it is a choice.

There are other ways to make your point.

My point remains the same whether I say fuck in the post or not. It's completely unacceptable to suggest autism is a cultural difference, not to mention suggestion it's to do with social issues in Britain. If you as an autistic person are happy with that, then fine, that's up to you, but please don't come in and decent it as if it's a normal thing to say, because it was bang out of order and that's why all the posts were removed.

Mine was removed for swearing. I do swear and I was angry. I apologise for that though.

I identify as autistic. My daughter has a dx and I relate to her behaviours and struggles completely. We haven’t the money for a private dx but by identifying/self dx I’m recognising that it’s ok to not get stuff socially, to struggle in situations and to feel a bit different. Things finally make sense! I’m also trying to work out strategies for us both to cope with life x

I didn't see any post stating autism is a choice. Perhaps it has been removed, but of course it is now impossible to comment on it if it has.

Ok seems this thread has been derailed enough. I'm going to attempt a sleep soon (typical autistic poor sleeper...)

I hope you get some answers OP, and any support you may need. Feel free to PM me if you want.

I didn't see any post stating autism is a choice. Perhaps it has been removed, but of course it is now impossible to comment on it if it has.

Several posts were removed. You chose to side with someone who was making a mockery of your own condition over people who actually know and understand things. But yeah, call me aggressive! I mean I was aggressive, but not without provocation. I will defend autism to the end. People who jump on these threads and post a load of shite deserve to be told where to go. Living with autism is hard enough without people making out it isn't even real.

@SansaClegane I wonder if by any chance you can remember which online test you did?

It's possible. I'm autistic and you sound very similar to me.

I got my diagnosis through the NHS. I got referred through my GP. The online assessments you can do yourself are quite useful. I also found this link very useful.

the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

@HyperemesisandPND I think it was the RAADS here:
aspietests.org/userdetails.php?target=raads/index.php

(I don't know how to do clicky links, sorry!)

It is possible.

But I have a genuine question that I really don't mean to sound horrible I genuinely want to know

What difference would it make to your life as an adult to have a diagnosis?

Only reason I ask is because children at school get help and can have adaptions to their learning etc. How would that work for you as an adult?

What difference would it make to your life as an adult to have a diagnosis?

Adults can have adaptions at work, it can help other people understand your behaviour better. For example an autism charity near me provides employment support for adults, not only helping autistic adults get a job but helping them to keep it by liasing with their boss and explaining why and how any reasonable adjustments could help. They also help with mediating misunderstandings where an autistic person has misread a social situation or failed to understand something and gotten themselves in a disciplinary situation. And you can only access the service with a diagnosis.
Or if an adult needed to claim ESA or PIP.
I also find it can be helpful with medical professionals if you can say to them upfront "I have a diagnosis of autism" so they don't misinterpret my bluntness and direct way of speaking as deliberate rudeness.
Also some undiagnosed adults (especially women) sometimes end up getting wrongly diagnosed with mental health conditions, because their autistic behaviours and traits are misinterpreted.
For example people like my mother who have a very flat affect and don't really show any emotion through facial expressions and body language. Professionals either accuse her of being disinterested or think she's depressed, when she's neither.

What difference would it make to your life as an adult to have a diagnosis?

It would make a lot of difference at work because they would have to make adaptations. Even with having support workers to help me sort out the house due to my executive function disability and the recommendation to apply for PIP, they can't understand that this affects work too. I had a meltdown at work last month yet they think I choose to become over-emotional. They want me to take my headphones off and "join in with the team" when I can't hear what they're saying due to not being able to sort them from all the noise of the open plan office and every loud noise is like fingernails on a blackboard.

Do you think you could be Aspergers?

Does anyone on here read the OP?

Dear Strugglingfemale hopefully some of the posts have helped, including the suggestion of trying the autistic test. My DH and DS are autistic, but I'm pretty sure that I am not and I get a very low score in the test. Surlycurly's link is a detailed checklist which rings true; I know it is aimed at females but so much of it also fits my DS who has a diagnosis, (and again less than 5% applies to me, a non-Asperger female). There is some relief when things start to make sense even if it is still a struggle! Best Wishes.

This explains the autistic spectrum very well and defines how the traits have to affect someone in order to obtain a diagnosis.
theaspergian.com/2019/05/04/its-a-spectrum-doesnt-mean-what-you-think/

"Label" is a really derogatory term, unused by anyone for any other medical diagnosis as far as I'm aware. Why people use it when it comes to autism I've no idea.
To be diagnosed with autism, someone has to fulfil the following criteria
"HOW WILL THEY DETERMINE THAT I AM AUTISTIC?
The characteristics of autism vary from one person to another, but in order for a diagnosis to be made, a person will usually be assessed as having had persistent difficulties with social communication and social interaction and restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviours, activities or interests (this includes sensory behaviour), since early childhood, to the extent that these 'limit and impair everyday functioning'."
Please note the part about limit and impair everyday functioning
www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx

On threads like these there are always comments from people who "know" they are autistic and say they've not pursued a dx because they can manage life perfectly well without one. I'm sure a lot of the population have some autistic traits, but not to the disabling degree that would qualify them for a diagnosis. I'd draw their attention to the sentence in bold above and to the explanations of autism in the first link.

Autism is a disability, people with autism are severely affected in several areas of their lives, you may not see it if they can mask well enough in your presence, but for them (and anyone present when they are so overwhelmed the mask slips) the effects of their condition are visibly and often audibly disabling.

For anyone who self-identifies and has had problems throughout their life with social communication and SPD and genuinely feels as though they are missing the 'key' to what makes other people tick, needs regular downtime and otherwise feels 'outside' whichever group they are with and probably has several other co-morbid conditions too, please do press for a diagnosis if you feel it would help you to understand who you are and why you do some things differently, don't underestimate the peace of mind that can bring.

Autism is a difference, it's not wrong, it's not inferior, it's not an illness, it's also not optional, you either are autistic or you're not.

As a community and as a society, we should learn to celebrate different thinkers and welcome their input.

Blank times - I used 'label' in my post in reference to the HF part of her diagnosis. I agree with you about the general terminology and would never use it in reference to her autism overall.

Thank you @SansaClegane I have done the test you linked to and these are the results I got. They look quite high.

I think I might be autistic too. I had an older father - 49 when I was conceived - which raises the odds apparently. I did go to my GP but she said there was not much point getting a label at my time of life (I’m 58). OP what you said about working in a team and feeling happier when some of them were off struck a chord with me. I’ve recently retired and it has brought home to me how much I need peace and quiet. And struggling with friendships too. I do have one or two close friends, but we don’t meet up that often. I do sometimes think it would be nice to be part of a close friendship group but also that I would struggle with it, there seems to be so much drama involved.

Autism is a disability, people with autism are severely affected in several areas of their lives, you may not see it if they can mask well enough in your presence, but for them (and anyone present when they are so overwhelmed the mask slips) the effects of their condition are visibly and often audibly disabling.

This is the reason I am questioning whether I ought to try to find out.

I feel as though my whole life I have had to pretend in order to fit into society, when I was younger it was impossible to pretend all the time, but as I've got older I can do it better, but it's so exhausting all the time. I cope with life by simply retreating by myself most of the time.

The diagram posted by @BlankTimes is useful. Autism doesn't just affect your ability to socialise or interact, it is multifaceted and has a negative impact on a variety of areas across your life. For example my sensory issues are overwhelming sometimes. My mono-tropic mindset makes it almost impossible for other people to be around me when I'm really obsessive. I'm difficult to work and live with. My inability to deal with things through either melt downs or shutdowns completely halt my ability to function in any other way. It's crippling. It's not just about being an introvert and autistic people can be extroverts too. It's complicated to diagnose because it's a complicated disability. Read a lot and then get a qualified professional to take you on the rest of the journey. And I don't think it matters how old you are.

OP, definitely go for a diagnosis.

Do you have any close family who could honestly answer questions about your childhood behaviour? Don't suggest anyone who would be so adamant you couldn't be autistic that they would deny any of your childhood behaviour.

It can be helpful to have someone who remembers what you were like as a child, how you dealt with social settings, whether you had or still have any sensory issues but it's not essential.

This booklet explains sensory processing, you may find some of uit relevant. www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

Well said @BlankTimes

The significant impairment on every day life is conveniently overlooked on so many MN threads.

I’m so fed up of reading about someone whose husband has a brilliant job, no apparent struggles but behaves like an arse and therefore they “strongly suspect” he is “extremely HFA”.

And then there is the “AS vs ArSe” explanation that gets rolled out. So offensive.

One of the reasons that so few adults get diagnosed is because there are not enough people qualified to diagnose as it is a very nuanced condition and other factors have to be considered. It is difficult to diagnose yet here it seems like almost everyone is an armchair psychologist who can diagnose easily.

Yes it is a difference but it is a disability too. With NT’s misunderstanding of the condition making our lives considerably harder.