To think that I could be autistic?

[Strugglingfemale]

I know Aibu might not be the best place but posting for traffic/experiences.

I'm 37 and I've struggled my whole life socially. Mainly anxiety but can get a bit depressed too. I've been reading up about autism in women and some of it seems familiar. Especially the bits about copying other people's behaviour in social situations.

These are some of the things I struggle with.

I can't cope with lots of people. I always just thought I was an introvert/anxious, but I get totally overwhelmed in groups. I'll avoid situations socially, even with family if there are too many people because it all just becomes like a big buzz of noise.

Same with work, I work in a team and although I like everyone individually, I can't bear it when the whole team is in, much prefer it when a few are on annual leave even if it means I'm busier as there's less people to deal with.

I'm pretty noise intolerant.

I really really struggle with any changes to plans. To the point it totally messes with my head my brain can't process it and I can even get angry or upset.

I struggle to relate to most people, so at work people with be chatting about what's in the news usually celeb gossip or tv like Love Island or the Royal Family and I just wonder why are they going on about this stuff it's pointless.

I've got a real thing about clothes and shoes, i do like to dress fashionably but comfort has to come first, I can't stand feeling restricted in my clothing. I will often look at peoples feet just say a woman in high heels, or someone wearing hard shoes with no socks and I get a bit fixated thinking how uncomfortable their feet must be.

When I was a child/teenager I was never interested in the typical stuff like boy bands and would just pretend.

I'm fine chatting to people and make small talk, but often feel it's quite pointless and I'm just saying what I know I should say. I can also be quite literal and offend people really without meaning to, to rectify this I will just not speak or just stick to safe conversations. I also think I take people literally I seem to remember every thing people say.

There are probably loads more examples but it's getting a bit long now.

Maybe you're just different? Nothing wrong with that. I'm different and can identify with quite a few things in your post, however I don't have autism.

@zoobincan

"Do you think you could be Aspergers?

None she can't BE Aspergers

You don't fucking turn into it".

She used the incorrect terminology, I'm assuming not out of malice. Surely there is no need to be nasty by cursing/swearing at someone because of that?

She used the incorrect terminology, I'm assuming not out of malice. Surely there is no need to be nasty by cursing/swearing at someone because of that?

I swear all the time. It's allowed on here.

You can pick up on that and have a go at me all you like but asking someone if they could 'be' Aspergers is rider than swearing.

It's not difficult to understand.

ive often wondered this about myself but haven't chased it because tbh i'm really not sure what a diagnosis could offer me, or how it would change things.

*ruder

Have you done the autism quotient (AQ) test? It's easy to find online. I got a diagnosis 2 years ago by going to my gp and asking for a referral. I waited 2 years to be assessed, the waiting lists are long. Don't listen to all the 'label' shite. My diagnosis put the sense of 'failure to fit in and thrive ' to rest and could accept myself for who I am. It's a common experience for many late diagnosed adults to feel that they are no longer deficient humans, but different yet equally valid humans. You don't have to tell anyone about a diagnosis if you don't want to.

Your OP is really interesting because it reads very much like I would describe myself. The only thing different is that I don't particularly struggle to cope with changes of plan, but I think that might be something I've learned to do. The work thing really stood out to me, I'm exactly the same. I was in the office on my own yesterday & it was great because I didn't have to talk to anyone. My office is full of extroverts and I find them exhausting. I go home from work and have to decompress on my own for a while. I cant socialise with them, they are just too loud and I haven't got a clue how to relate to them, nice though they all are.

Other things people have mentioned on here make total sense to me too, especially the sensory stuff with clothes and the not being able to wear makeup or jewellery as I can feel it on my skin. Especially nail varnish that's the worst feeling.

I don't have a close friendship group, I don't need one. I can't relate to people in that way. Haven't a clue what to say. I couldn't go out in a big group of women, I wouldn't fit in, never have. Luckily I have DH, who 'gets' me, and a couple of friends who accept me for the person I am - and are probably just as 'quirky' (for want of a better word) as me.

I'm in my 50s and it's only been in the last few years that I've begun to wonder if I'm on the spectrum. I've always known that I'm a bit different, from early childhood, but have just accepted it as 'my normal' if you like. To be honest I wouldn't be interested in pursuing a diagnosis. I am me, with all my quirks, and I'm totally accepting of who I am. I've also reached an age where I don't actually care what others think of me, and that is very liberating.

I love chatting on here, because I can do it completely on my own terms.

I just did the test and scored 42.

I don't want a label, if my ways are normal or it is that I'm just different then so be it, but I'd like to know if there is any reason for the way I find things so difficult. It might not change things but at least I would know that I'm not just boring, ignorant, irrational, selfish, weird, annoying which are all things I've thought about myself.

Cross posted with you there DramaAlpaca yours was a lovely post to read. I have enjoyed reading through these posts because it has made me feel that I'm not alone in my all ways.

I was diagnosed in my 30s after I self-referred to my GP. For me, having a diagnosis was really important. I needed to know what if it really was Autism. I could have written your OP. I am careful about who disclose to but it has helped me to get reasonable adjustments for work and travel which have helped me a lot.

Thank you StrugglingFemale. It's the first time I've admitted all that on here, so thank you for inspiring me and giving me the courage to do so. By the way, you are certainly not all those adjectives you used about yourself. Remember that it's OK to be you

By the way, I've just done the test and scored 38. Interesting.

The NHS Mental Health Trust I work for has an Autism Pathway for adults. Admittedly, once they've given you the diagnosis, there's little follow up, but at least you have the diagnosis.

The waiting time for an assessment is horrendous though.

Your post caught my attention OP, most of the things you've explained I have similarities however I haven't got Autism as far as I'm aware however I was diagnosed with a mood disorder when I was 19. I just done the test out of curiosity and scored rather high at 43, I've also always felt "different" since a child but I've only recently become aware of Autism since I had my son x

I also think I have autism, my two children do and my nephew. I'd bet my life my dad has it too. It explains a lot!

I always feel on the outside of groups and friendships no matter how much people include me. Noise is a massive issue for me and anywhere with lots of people.

What stuck out from your post op was you said about never forgetting what people say.. I'm exactly the same and am very literal so expect people to do what they say and remember tiny info about people. I've stop talking about it though as people look at me like I'm weird if I remind of something they did or said from years before (little insignificant stuff normally) 🤷‍♀️

Wow I can really relate to most of this! In fact I could have written it myself. I am 38 and have struggled socially through most of my life, I get very anxious and often put my foot in it, or really overshare information, then I will obsessively over analyse what I said and what the other person said and it actually keeps me awake. The thing about copying others behaviour socially really hit a chord with me, I definitely do that and sometimes I actually feel false or wrong when I'm doing it, but it just happens. I don't think there is any need for me to try for a diagnosis, I can't see how they'd help me.

I also think I have Asperger‘s.
I’m only 21 but it was flagged up all throughout school and even sixth form but my mam refused a test for me as I wanted to be a vet and she thought it would hold me back

So interesting reading about other people's similar experiences;I also frequently feel I'm on the outside in social situations and really struggle with chit chat and noise in particular. I'm happiest when I'm on my own.
I did approach the GPs about seeking a diagnosis but was told I'd have to go privately and am not really sure if paying £2000 plus for a diagnosis is actually worth it as am not convinced it would really change anything for me.

This is fascinating. I can relate to a lot of what you say, OP. I've sometimes joked that I might be a bit on the spectrum, but it was always a bit of a joke, but having read others replies on here I might think more seriously about it. I'll do the test now.
One thing I genuinely do think about myself is that I'm very introverted, and that impacts a lot on how I experience life at work and with family and friends.

I’ve done the test in the past but I did it again and scored 47

This is all so familiar. I scored 37 on the test. I suspect I have ADD too and I have a eidetic memory.

F

I should've been diagnosed as a child, but in the 80s Aspergers was unheard of in girls. Its only since my own child has gotten an ASD diagnosis that things have made sense. I was a childhood prodigy in art(just like my own son), and I remember my mum being called in to meetings to discuss Mensa testing(she didn't want me to do it). Same in senior school, it was suggested I do my art GCSE in year 7 but my mum said no. I've always struggled with touch, eye contact is painful for me, and I get utterly exhausted by people.

Meant to say, like others, I have an eidetic memory. I use it daily as I'm scared to lose it as I age.

My 43 year old daughter has just been diagnosed as autistic (she's doing her masters) She could have written your post.

I can cope with change as long as I've instigated it or am in charge of it. Horrendous misophonia. I just don't get people. Not one bit despite a psychology degree. I'd rather read a book in bed than go to a party. All that noise and people and drinking and no control.