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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my child should be guaranteed a place in beavers?

194 replies

TheQueenInTheNorth · 03/01/2020 21:31

I'm a cub leader at our local scout group and have children already spread out amongst the sections. My youngest is finally old enough to join her sibling in beavers which has been talked about by other leaders and assumed she would be starting as soon as she was of age, she has even taken part with beavers with me as I've had childcare issues. Other times I've had her with me in cubs and as she has special needs, she's been a handful with being bored in an older age group, which has made it more difficult for me in my role as a leader. I have now been told that there in no space for her in the beaver group and I can't help thinking that she should have already been on a waiting list and should have a slight advantage with her siblings being part of the group and her mother being a leader

OP posts:
MillicentMartha · 03/01/2020 23:10

That would really piss me off, OP. I volunteered at scouts, I was on the committee and was their treasurer. I volunteered because they needed someone and they been been really inclusive with my DS2 who has ASD.

They were rubbish at keeping fair waiting lists, though. Time on the list seemed to be given no priority. As soon as a place came available it was offered to the next oldest child on the list, even if they’d put their name down last week. No priority was given to leaders’ DC or to siblings.

If they are suggesting your DD wasn’t on the list, that’s ridiculous and needs challenging. It could be that DC older than her have taken any available places, though.

Original poster
TheQueenInTheNorth · 03/01/2020 23:10

@NorthernLightss there is actually another group close to me that tried pinching me a while ago(I know a couple of other leaders there) It would be easier for us to get to as our group has a busy road to cross and hill to climb

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 03/01/2020 23:11

I dont know much about beavers specifically (I was involved with girlguiding) but if a group is full then a group is full and they cant go over a certain number. So a leaders child or being on the waiting list makes no difference, they have to wait until a vacancy opens up.

Beautiful3 · 03/01/2020 23:15

Yes it should be a perk of the job. Can you ask to step down until she has a place due to childcare?

BackforGood · 03/01/2020 23:15

Sounds perfect.

BackforGood · 03/01/2020 23:17

@starfishmummy - OP has said others from the waiting list are starting in January . So they aren't full, with her coming along and demanding an extra place, they have capacity which has been offered to other children.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 03/01/2020 23:17

It does sound like its her SN causing her behaviour issues that is the issue here, I have a child with SEN and something I've noticed one holiday club forms for his sibling is the question does your child have 1-1 at school and they assume that there will also be a 1-1 at holiday club.

My point is that perhaps the Beavers don't feel they can manage your dd's behaviour without extra support and they don't want to tell you, so can you put some extra 1-1 support in place?

Also, are you sure that Beavers is going to be a great experience for her? a previous OP suggested lots of alternatives.

BuntyBonus · 03/01/2020 23:19

I think anyone who volunteers their time to be a leader should have an automatic space for their kid whether on the waiting list or not. I’m in awe and so grateful at the time and energy my DS’s Beaver leader puts in!

SoupDragon · 03/01/2020 23:21

Could it simply be that the person who offered the places to the waiting list forgot about your DD and they can't now remove an offered place?

Of course a volunteer's child should always be at the top of the list though.

starfishmummy · 03/01/2020 23:22

backforgood could still be full with kids who were ahead of him on the list.

converseandjeans · 03/01/2020 23:29

YANBU & I suspect they are making up the bit about being too full as they don't want to deal with DD having SEN.

Perhaps if you moved from cubs to beavers it might be possible?

Does she want to do Beavers? Or might she be just as happy doing the footie?

Muddyfieldsandprimroses · 03/01/2020 23:31

In your position, if my child was not given a place, I would be leaving, or moving elsewhere.
It’s a lot of work being a cub/ beaver/ scout leader, and you deserve this small consideration.

AvaSnowdrop · 03/01/2020 23:32

I also think it sounds like they find your DD’s behaviour too challenging and have made an excuse to exclude her. Perhaps they expect you to quit and they’re fine with that if it gets them out of having to accommodate your DD.

Technically I think they’re only required to make “reasonable” adjustments. So as an organisation run by volunteers they can deem the required adjustments to be more than they can reasonably offer and therefore decline to make them. If she needs 1:1 support or professional support I wouldn’t expect they could offer that. I know you don’t want to transfer but that might be the only way for your DD to participate?

NorthernLightss · 03/01/2020 23:36

@TheQueenInTheNorth the other group sounds like a great option. Whatever you decide, I hope it goes smoothly.

I think your current group have let you down really badly. This kind of stuff can be really upsetting. I'm sure you have enough stress without this sort of unnecessary nonsense. If you're not already using the topic for SN Children, pop over for some support. 💐

TouYube · 03/01/2020 23:37

BigBagOfJelly that sounds wonderful, and exactly as it should be. If you were here I would give you a big tearful happy squeeze.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 03/01/2020 23:37

YANBU at all Op. I’d be really gutted in your shoes.

Jezzballs2000 · 03/01/2020 23:38

My husband is a Beaver leader and says you would 100% get a place in his group. Push back!

TouYube · 03/01/2020 23:38

They’re being pretty foolish too...

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-43519296

TouYube · 03/01/2020 23:39

Fined £42k for excluding a child with ASD.

BumbleBeee69 · 03/01/2020 23:45

OP go where all your hours and input are appreciated and where you Child is welcomed.. Flowers

BackforGood · 03/01/2020 23:47

@starfishmummy - the point that has been made several times though, is that if you are (or become) a Leader yourself, then your dc automatically move to the top of the waiting list in the overwhelming majority of groups. So, unless the other children about to start in January are ALL dc of Leaders, (which seems highly unlikely, and I think the OP would have said) then there ought not be anyone ahead of a Leader's dc on the waiting list.

AvaSnowdrop · 03/01/2020 23:50

Fined £42k for excluding a child with ASD
Having previously volunteered as a hobby leader (not at scouts) I can totally understand why unqualified (possibly uninsured) volunteers would feel unable to take responsibility for someone with additional needs. Not just because of concerns about being unable to support those needs but also because of concerns about liability if anything went wrong. Our policy was that participants had to either be independent or bring their own support because we didn’t have the facility to provide it.

MT2017 · 03/01/2020 23:53

They would be so short sighted to lose you bearing in mind the number of groups closing due to lack of volunteers.

Hope the response is that you are both in. ⚜️

Equanimitas · 03/01/2020 23:55

In your shoes I wouldn't hesitate to move to the closer group.

TouYube · 04/01/2020 00:01

AvaSnowdrop “ Our policy was that participants had to either be independent or bring their own support because we didn’t have the facility to provide it.”

That’s what this group did too. And it amounted to discrimination.