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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my child should be guaranteed a place in beavers?

194 replies

TheQueenInTheNorth · 03/01/2020 21:31

I'm a cub leader at our local scout group and have children already spread out amongst the sections. My youngest is finally old enough to join her sibling in beavers which has been talked about by other leaders and assumed she would be starting as soon as she was of age, she has even taken part with beavers with me as I've had childcare issues. Other times I've had her with me in cubs and as she has special needs, she's been a handful with being bored in an older age group, which has made it more difficult for me in my role as a leader. I have now been told that there in no space for her in the beaver group and I can't help thinking that she should have already been on a waiting list and should have a slight advantage with her siblings being part of the group and her mother being a leader

OP posts:
MollyButton · 03/01/2020 22:29

I'm not sure tbh, her school teacher did recommend a 1:1 at school for her but the school haven't enough funding but they put slight adjustments in place and manage fine now apart from the odd blip. They are things that either wouldn't apply at beavers or that are easily done

I suggest you go to the SN Chat board and other places for SN parents. The school supposedly gets about £8000 for each child to fund TAs etc, once they have spent this much on a child they can apply for a EHCP to receive more funding. You can also request she is assessed for an EHCP yourself. She doesn't need a diagnosis to get this, just needs.
I know its hard work but it sounds as though the school is letting her down - and so are the Beaver leaders.
I hope you find a more inclusive group for her to join (my DD did brilliantly with a really inclusive Brown Owl at Brownies).

IceCreamFace · 03/01/2020 22:34

My husband is a beaver leader and leader's kids automatically skip the waiting list. In fact it's the only way they manage to keep the groups running - partly because leaders aren't going to pay a babysitter as well as volunteering their time and secondly because quite a few of the leaders only joined so their kid could skip the queue (they're massively short of leaders).

Original poster
TheQueenInTheNorth · 03/01/2020 22:35

@MollyButton I've already applied for an EHCP for dd as school won't do it, had same problem with my ds, they wouldn't apply for an ehcp till he was diagnosed, he got diagnosed autistic and they said they didn't think he'd get one so I'be applied for him too. The school has recently had to let alot of teachers down due to lack of funding, including one from dd's class so will have to see if they can still cope with her when she goes back on monday

OP posts:
Daisy12Maisie · 03/01/2020 22:35

I helped out at scouts recently and ot was a nightmare. I can never ever do it again. I love children usually but these children drove me mad.
Fair play to you for volunteering and I think as a thank you/ well done or whatever your child should get a place. If it doesnt work like that then i would leave and do something else. Eg badgers. Its first aid.

Rosebel · 03/01/2020 22:36

It does sound like it's due to her special needs. My daughter was virtually bullied out of Brownies due to her special needs and I was fobbed off but luckily she's much happier at Guides (different unit). I would certainly talk to the person who said she could start in January, but I suspect if you threaten to walk they'll change their mind.

Pixie2015 · 03/01/2020 22:36

Even if you were section assistant I would have expected you child to be in - think I would be moving my leadership skills and beaver to another group

TrainspottingWelsh · 03/01/2020 22:37

That's what I meant op, it might be easily done but if they haven't discussed that with you they wouldn't know. The child at dsd's doesn't require personal or skilled care, a willing preteen could provide it without difficulty, but at first glance a leader might have overestimated the support required if they hadn't addressed it with the parents.

BackforGood · 03/01/2020 22:38

I don't know who told you that, about re-starting your training, @TheQueenInTheNorth , but they are wrong. Virtually all Modules carry over from one Section Leader (or Asst Section Leader) role to another.
Your appointment would have to be approved - though not necessarily physically have to attend an AAC, but your Modules remain done, once they are done.

Danni12 · 03/01/2020 22:38

My friend is a Beaver leader and her DD was allowed to start a term early (leader perk apparently) but she still had to put her on the waiting list herself, it wasn't just assumed.
How soon could your DD start? I wondered if they have some Beavers ageing out soon who will leave to go to Cubs which would mean a place becoming available?
I would agree that it sounds sensible to apply for an EHCP for her re education

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 03/01/2020 22:39

they've said if a leader was to move sections they would have to start their training off from scratch

That is not true. There's a scouting training programme.

There's not a beavers training programme, and a cubs training programme, and a sea scouts training programme.

I was a cubs leader for a while. I went on training days, with scout leaders.. We weren't divided out by section.

Sleepingboy · 03/01/2020 22:41

Have you gone to the leaders and actually said, There seems to have been a miscommunication somewhere. I need my child to start in January, if my child does not get a place then I will have to leave...?

Jelly0naplate · 03/01/2020 22:42

BSL here - yes you should have a spot for your child at Beavers even if you're a cub leader (as some people have said that the priority should only apply to cub spaces). in our group we have a non leader managing the waiting lists but I'm already aware of a cub leader's child that will be coming of age later in the year and one of the available places will go to this child.

Many of the parents have no idea how many hours goes into running these groups each week so their children can experience beavers/cubs/scout/brownies/guides etc, of course their has to be some perks to bring a leader such as your kids having priority on a spot being available.

If I were you I'd be having a serious talk with BSL and GSL about the situation and that this will mean you'll look at volunteering elsewhere, all your training goes with you.

Bluerussian · 03/01/2020 22:43

You're not unreasonable, kick up a fuss if necessary. I'm so sorry about this but (giving the benefit of the doubt), it could just be that they have their quota at the moment. A lot of kids drop out and your daughter may be slotted in later. I do hope so.

Flowers
TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 03/01/2020 22:43

Sorry, I misread what you meant by moving to a different section.

Your scouting record is a record of your training. Any section would be delighted to get an already trained leader, rather than have to pay for training from scratch.

Dragonfly3 · 03/01/2020 22:47

I think you should speak to your GSL about it and then your district commissioner. There are scouting leader Facebook groups you can join if you need more advice. Scouting is about inclusion and giving all children the same chance. Don't let them fob you off, you deserve an explanation as to why she wasn't on the waiting list and why she doesn't have a place. Scouting can be a bit of a closed shop and needs women like you to bust it open. I'm also a leader and hearing things like this anger me.

Original poster
TheQueenInTheNorth · 03/01/2020 22:47

@Sleepingboy yes I've told my GSL that I thought she was meant to start in January and that as she isn't that I would have to step down

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Troels · 03/01/2020 22:51

YANBU. Did they actually think you would get a babysitter to watch your child while you volunteer to run the pack with other peoples kids?
Madness. No way I'd continue I'd quit.

Hepsibar · 03/01/2020 22:52

We all come from a long line of family members who hated Brownies and Beavers and all that and we are quite proud of it, I am sure there are many more exciting things your daughter can try: swimming, tennis, music, dance, rugby, football, go wild in the forest days, musical instrument

Sleepingboy · 03/01/2020 22:56

And what did she say when you said that?

Ok, we will find her a place

Or

See you then?

Or something different?!

Original poster
TheQueenInTheNorth · 03/01/2020 23:01

@Hepsibar she also plays football with our local disability football club, we've only joined them a few months ago and it's like one big family

OP posts:
NorthernLightss · 03/01/2020 23:02

I think this is nonsense, clearly it hasn't been the usual practice for leaders to put their children's names on a waiting list, and you're just expecting the same process as other leaders have followed, and that has been intimated in conversations (people referring to you daughter starting in January.) Even if there was a waiting list, and you'd messed up by not officially adding your daughter's name to it, you should go straight to the top of the list as soon as they realise that you want the space.

It sounds like if they're only offering your daughter a space under duress (who knows if that's the case?) you'd rather go elsewhere. Are there any other units that would be handy for you to swap over to? Are you concerned about them already having labelled your daughter, and not giving her a fair chance?

Perhaps you should let them know that while your other children will continue at cubs, you'll no longer be available to volunteer. Look around elsewhere and we will take bets on how long it is until they magically find a space for your youngest. Then you can tell them thanks, and that you're still not volunteering 😂👺

NorthernLightss · 03/01/2020 23:03

Oops it took me so long to write that, I hadn't seen you've contacted your GSL. How did they respond?

BumbleBeee69 · 03/01/2020 23:04

I hope your DD is not too upset... this is awful.. Sad

Original poster
TheQueenInTheNorth · 03/01/2020 23:05

@Sleepingboy tbh I sent a message and haven't had a reply back, the last time I tried talking to him about taking a step back I got a bit emotional as I had had a hard week with her and it was the last straw. That was when I had just lost my babysitter, he talked me into staying and sitting in beavers with her till she was able to join.

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BIgBagofJelly · 03/01/2020 23:07

We have or have had recently 5 kids with SN in our Beavers group (more than that if you include milder SN which didn't require as many adjustments). One had to come with his carer but he had very high levels of physical needs and required a trained professional to manage his chair, take him to the toilet etc. Another had ODD and ASD and left but mainly because he really didn't want to be there (his parents wanted him to have more social opportunities and it was worth a try but he hated the meetings). One has ADHD in a very pronounced way, he definitely needs lots of adaptations - there is no way he can do the opening and closing ceremony and we don't force him to join in - he might run around the hall randomly etc but he gets a lot out of the meetings. One also has some adaptions e.g. sensory issues so will go off with a leader if there's too much noise and has anxiety about certain physical tasks but is happy as long he's with a leader and not forced to do anything. I would hate to exclude a child if we didn't have to.