To be absolutely FUMING with DS13

[SkaTastic]

Who told his step Dad today - who I have been with for 12 years so isnt exactly new

"If I didnt know you I would think you were a racist. Like one of them EDL people."

All said with a horrible, awful smirk on his face which he wears 90% of the time these days.

Husband is a skin head mental looking dude.

AIBU to be totally, totally fuming?

I don’t think he was that bad if I’m honest. Stereotypes are a thing and he was just stating how he felt

WTF do you mean by "mental looking"??

You meant "metal" not "mental" right?

Very strange comment but he's a kid so I'd just think he's picked something up from somewhere and ran with it. I saw this happen with my younger brother and there was no telling, he thought his comments were witty and cool.

He'll grow up and learn hopefully!

@SkaTastic @GertiMJN is spot on, your DS said "If I didn't know you" so, he's suggesting that others who don't know him would think it from the way he carries himself.

Couldn't get worked up about this myself.

I think from your description your son probably isn’t wrong, people will make assumptions based on your husbands appearance - I wouldn’t be fuming, but would probably try and use it as an opportunity for a discussion around stereotypes. I’m assuming your H wasn’t mortally offended by it all. I also don’t think it’s significant that your son is not his biological son...but It’s interesting that you do think this is significant.

Sounds fair to me tbh.

Teenagers like to say stupid stuff like this for attention. Don't make a big deal about it, that's what he's hoping for. Pick your battles and ignore him, they hate that.

Are you 'fuming' because you thought he was calling your dp a racist? Because he wasn't, was he? He was merely commenting that people with skin heads (don't know what you mean by mental looking), are often associated with the edl, but he knows that your dp is not a racist. I suppose you could have a conversation about stereotypes and not judging people based on their appearance, but really, what do you mean 'mental looking'?

If DS meant that dp looks like a racist, because if his skin-head look, then it’s just stating an observation. He did qualify it by saying, ‘if I didn’t know your, so it shows that he knows dp isn’t a racist. Maybe someone has said something to him.

.

“kids are unaware of how what they say affects others. At 13 they’re still very young.”

Oh get a grip he clearly knows what he’s doing , he’s prodding his stepdad to get a response. At 13 you know exactly what you’re doing

Metal 😂😂😂😂 definitely not mental.

It was absolutely said in a derogatory way. Not sure how thick our skins need to be to be when he is so rude and compares DH to a bunch of horrible racist morons?

Came on here to say she obviously meant metal lol

He's probably hoping for a reaction. Have a chat about stereotyping over the ages?

Maybe teach DS about the original skinheads, which were actually the complete opposite of racists and actually socialised with other races when ska music was about; in the unforgiving 1980s post punk skinheads and marginalised young black guys made 2tone ska music and the movement was based on them both being minority groups/ cultures with a common cause- stomping to music. Google it my dear it’s very interesting x

What were you talking about at the time? Did he just suddenly throw out the insult, when you were all sitting in silence? I think the context would help.

You both need to sit down and talk to him and find out how he got this idea.

But he didn't compare him. He said other people would. Which they will be doing. Whether you like it or not.

But your DS is speaking the truth.

He is 13 and spoke without a filter that's all.

Nothing to be angry about.

A lot of people would think the same way about a mature skinhead. You must be aware of that. Your DS just said thats how the stereotype is perceived. He didn't say he thought your DP was a racist. He was being more subtle than that. Why exactly are you fuming?

Are you objecting because it's rude to make such personal observations, or are you objecting because you don't think it's true?

I’m also a bit confused - your DS was literally saying he knew his step dad wasn’t a racist but by his appearance people might make incorrect judgements about him. The smirking is perhaps your own interpretation given that he seems to be winding you up lately. It may just be that you’re a tad (over)sensitive and looking for offence.

Educate him. Being angry won’t help. Ask how and what makes him say that, tell me more.
Kids are learning. Unless he does this a lot, he needs guidance and education.

As if I would be mad with son for describing him as looking like a racist and describe DH as looking mental! Metal. He is metal looking with a skin head and massive beard.

The other thing is that DS is definitely... unusual in his dress sense. And we are very very careful not to upset him by saying things about his clothes, even when they are very flamboyant.

I think that's why it seemed even more bloody rude.

But you must know people think will assume that about your Dh?