AIBU to ask what you actually NEED when you’re having a baby?

[UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre]

So DP and I have just found out we are expecting our first over the summer. Totally unplanned & unexpected.
We are skint and freaking out a LOT.
SIL has kindly offered to give us her cot, and 30 reusable nappies.
I work with babies and I’m not stupid but I can’t help feeling like I don’t have a bloody clue.

So far we have on the list
Pram
Car seat
Sling (live rurally and have dogs)
Bottles incase I can’t BF
Dummies for sleeping to decrease sids risk
Nappies
Sudocreme
Cotton wool
Wipes
Sleepsuits/vests etc
Breast pads

Please can you amazing ladies help me out! I’m freaking out!

Thanks in advance

(But if you dont want to make your own, water wipes are also very good.....)

I'd say pram is NOT an essential.... I wasted loads on one, had a baby who much preferred a sling at first, and by the time she was too big for that was quite happy and old enough to go in a cheap pushchair

Thanks so much!!
You are wonderful. I think it will be ok. And we can just get bits and pieces as and when.
I definitely need a car seat, we are 2 miles from the nearest shop, 5 miles from the supermarket, and 3.4 miles from the GP. Probably I will opt for a britax, I got one for DN as it was the best fit in our car, and dsis didn’t drive, and we took her everywhere. In fact, I might even ask if I could borrow it for a bit. I think it’s still dsis loft (so long as that wouldn’t make me a cf)

Thanks so much again!

A snot sucker did help us loads - still use it now and again on our 5 year old! They can't feed if they can't breath, and can't blow their own nose until older! Also useful to have baby paracetamol in the house - as you know you will need it at stupid o clock at night

100% look for local baby buying and selling groups on Facebook or NCT sales. Instead of spending £15 on 5 vests and 5 sleepsuits in a supermarket which will be grown out in a month, you can buy a black sack full of barely used clothes, and sell them on when you're done. I'm the admin for a group in my town with 9k members and it's amazing - all cheap and local so I can go and view it and pick it up straight away. Second-hand clothes, bouncer, playmat, toys, all good.

The only things you must buy new are a new cot mattress and a new car seat if you can't be 100% sure of the safety (borrowing a close friend's infant car seat would be fine IMO if you could be certain it hadn't been in an accident.)

Lots of stuff being mentioned you really don't need.

You don't need a baby manicure kit: bite the baby's nails when it's newborn and sleepy/feeding. When it starts being all energetic and crawly it'll never be still enough to trim them, just get used to being clawed.

Skip the scratch mitts and just fold over the sleeves; some suits have built-in foldy-over bits just for this.

Basically think: sleep (sidecar cot is good, you can cosleep when the baby is newborn and won't settle except in bed with you, and the cot stops it rolling out of bed), feed (boobs are free, buy reusable breast pads and one tube of Lansinoh is enough, a little goes a long way), clean (muslins, nappies, reusable wipes – old towels or flannels cut up and kept damp in a Tupperware, metanium).

Then it's just transport (sling, pram) and clothes, and people will give you masses of those, plus you can buy bundles easily.

Toys: anything is a toy to a baby. Tupperware and wooden spoons for banging. You'll get given some free books by the health visitor to start with, then join your library - which is also the best place to hang out daily during maternity leave.

Oh! And sleeping bags. Much easier than blankets, come with a guide to dressing for the room temperature, and help with the "putting fast asleep baby down without it immediately pinging awake wondering why you've done such a thing" factor.

but actually from 10lb +. They are probably not going to be used right away

I wouldn't count on it - what size babies run in your families?

There is an awful lot of stuff listed here which is "nice to have" rather than necessary. Very little is actually necessary and most of that can be bought second hand or borrowed as it is so short term.

I would defer the bottles. Get a few disposables nappies for the first few days, bundle of machine wash/dryable sleepsuits and a new mattress for the cot plus a car seat if you will be using a car.

After that everything depends on how much you will use it. If you will travel more by car get a lightweight folding pushchair which allows newborns to lie flat initially. If you do a lot of walking then a pram with rain covers and a shopping basket might make more sense. You don't really need both. Baby this and baby that are largely useless or at best limited use and a waste of money.

We bought very little for the first and were inundated with clothes from friends/family which lasted through the younger ones before being passed on. They grow so fast you get very little wear out of clothes for the first year.

A next to me was a godsend.

Agree with the bottles, you can Get them easy enough from a supermarket if you really can't BF.
I brought formula in case but I BF no problems, so it ended up in the bin!

Baby monitor? That may be needed later on though.

Blankets?

Nappies?

You can easily get baby clothes second hand, we had lovely ones, DD being baby no. 4 in them, soft, cosy and they outgrow them fast. Hardly a point in buying new. Ours went to baby no. 5 and I think after that finally in the rags bin. Otherwise supermarkets and H&M do nice clothes for not a lot of money.

We also had a crib and moses basket second hand. I preferred having something downstairs for naps and our bedroom had no room for a cot.

We got formular and bottles but I found that after 6 months I was glad to move from bf to bottles so they just took up space. They were really simple ones, no need for singing and dancing ones unless you know you need them.

Dummies were pointless, DD actually managed to spit them across the room.

Muslin squares by the bucket load. They do double as emergency bibs when older, thin blankets on hot days or just to mop off spills. My cleaner now uses them (DD is 12 years old).

Get some washable wipes for home (if you are handy with sewing or know someone just get thin terry cloth and cut in size) and just keep normal ones in a changing bags, better for the envrionment anyway and save money on the long run. Ours went in the wash together with the washable nappies. You need a bin with a decent lid for the nappies, I just put them in the bin, closed the lid and washed every second day.

Even if you want to use a sling I found a pram handy. Not only did DD object to a sling when she was a bit older the pram is handy to store all kind of stuff when you are out.

We bought Weleda baby wash/nappy cream as I found most big brands are full of chemicals. You actually don't need nappy cream as a general thing, we only did it when DD was a bit sore during poonamies. Even with washable nappies normal cleaning is enough. You also don't need to bath a baby every day, that comes when you start weaning.

We had disposable nappies in hospital, easier to deal with and DD was also so skinny it took a month to get her to fit into them. Maybe get one pack as a back up.

If you really want to bf I strongly recommend finding your local support group and popping along even before baby, that way you'll have support lined up for when you'll need it

Also look out for nct sales etc near you to buy lots second hand (not car seat)

People gave mentioned dace book selling sites, but also check out your local Freecycle group. Ours has loads of baby stuff given away completely for free - we've got a sling, clothing and nappies from there in the past. For clothes ideally you need to get into a "clothes chain" - we regularly get clothes from someone with a child a tear older than ours, and we then pass them to someone with a child 6 months younger. I have no idea how many children have worn these clothes first, but almost all are still in great condition - and it's certainly the environmentally friendly option.

Totally agree with all others saying don’t buy loads of clothes - you will get given SO many! Everyone likes buying teeny baby clothes so you will get given lots when baby’s born, plus people often like to know that their own baby bits are going to a good home (sentimentality!) so you will get loads of friends & acquaintances offering you stuff, plus you will meet other mums who might have things they used for first that second didn’t get on with, and so on. All my long lasting baby stuff (jumperoo, sling etc) went through about half a dozen kids each including my 3 (and still using the sling!).

Quick note on the v pillow - I never used them for feeding, but they were a godsend in late pregnancy, especially with bad SPD with my second and third. Soooo lovely and supportive for the bump and to go between your knees to save your pelvis. I got mine from IKEA for £6 each so you can get a couple and get yourself as comfy as you can be when heavily pregnant!

1. Lanolin nipple cream. Apply religiously for first week or so. Don't buy tons of it though (1 tube should be enough) as you might not need it after a week or so.

1. I really recommend nearly new sales for all the other stuff. Stuff is so cheap and often very good quality / condition especially for tiny babies. Travel to sales in the closest "posh" area you can find. Don't be afraid to bargain within reason (particularly if you buy multiple items from one seller). Mum2mum do good sales all over the country - they have a 2 for 1 entry voucher online. There are also dedicated charity shops for kids stuff. Join your local mums group on Facebook now and look out for stuff you need for free or cheap. People give stuff away for free, especially bulky things like nursery furniture. For maternity clothes there is a Facebook buy/sell group which is probably cheaper than eBay. I agree that nursing clothes are generally unnecessary (except for bras), try to use stuff you already have (there's a good Facebook group called Can I breastfeed in it? which will give you ideas). Some people don't like secondhand but it's so much better for the planet and much cheaper. I can afford new but choose to get most things secondhand. My little girl always wears lovely quality brands and nice clothes from nearly new sales.

1. Definitely use cloth nappies, and also wipes! Great for the environment and the pocket too. Check if your local council offers a grant (mine gave me £40). In Scotland you get a free cloth nappy in the baby box. Loads of Facebook groups online for advice with these.

Changing mat, waffle blankets, muslins. Cot.
That’s it. You don’t need thermometers and baby baths and any of that crap. Just use you common sense.
We found sleeping bag/ gro bag style sleepers brill. Save worrying about blankets on a cot , baby being too hot etc

changing mat, waffle blankets, muslins. Cot.

I didn't need any of those.

Depends on how you parent.

Congratulations!! Lovely news. The only things other than those already mentioned that I found invaluable were Primark vest tops for overnight so you can stick breast pads into if you're breastfeeding. They really hold their shape and you can just hoick them down to feed at night. Also I didn't bother with knickers and maternity pads but bought a pack of incontinence pants, they were a lifesaver immediately post birth and incredibly absorbent.

I second the advice to buy stuff as you find you need it. The basics are just nappies, clothes (as others have said - you'll probably get given these as gifts), car seat, sling.

I co-slept with mine and BF and bought very little to start with - just got things as we needed them. DC1 was very colicky and threw up constantly so muslins were useful - we used old terry nappy squares passed on by my sister - but you might not need them.

I also found that I didn't have leaky boobs and so never even used the breast pads I'd bought. After three babies I eventually threw away the packet of pads I'd bought years earlier

I got a chicco side cot after a few weeks of baby refusing to sleep in Moses basket or big cot , I got mine second hand & A new mattress It was the best thing I bought wish I’d got it from the start.
Also a automatic swing chair this was amazing & saved my sanity as my baby was terrible at napping and this was all that worked sometimes, you’ve just got to watch them while there sleeping in them.
Lots of Muslin cloths and tons of babygrows I got given a load of second hand ones and as I was ill to be washing stuff they were a life saver

Pram - you can buy second hand. If you want, you can buy new inserts to refresh an old pram. Do your research and buy the right one for the roads you walk one, fitting in the car etc. Buy one that lasts from birth to 3. So many people waste money on a pram that only lasts until the baby can sit.
Car seat
Yes
Sling (live rurally and have dogs)
Yes-research and buy the right one. You can get second hand easily and wash. They are some sling library's to trial.
Bottles incase I can’t BF
I think I had one. If you're anywhere near a chemist I don't think you need to buy in advance. I breastfed, it was hard at first but lovely once established. I never used bottles, sterilisers, milk powder or a pump (once borrowed to try it wasn't for me). You can buy these things as and when you need them.
Dummies for sleeping to decrease sids risk
I never used them. Keep them in your room and breast feed on demand.
Nappies
Yes newborn and 0-3 size. Don't open in case you want to swap for a different size. Lidl and aldi nappies are award winning and a fraction of the price of branded nappies.
Sudocreme
Yes
Cotton wool
Yes
Wipes
Yes-in bulk or invest in water wipes.
Sleepsuits/vests etc
Yes
Breast pads
Yes

I would add a Moses basket, a play mat and books for you to read to baby, muslins, a foam insert for the bath, post birth sanitary pads and big knickers. Teddies and baby gros you may be given as presents. A bouncer and a mobile could be useful but not essential.

Lots of baby items are sold second hand on selling groups or in charity shops. There all also specialised children's charity shops dotted around that sell nearly everything baby!

I had a moses basket was used for 6months-was second hand but had a brand new mattress.
Travel system of fb-would have cost over a thousand pounds but i paid 100.
I had a baby bouncer again second hand.
I had some bottles-2 from home bargains (4pounds). Even if you express you need them to feed the baby so not a waste.
I also had some ready made cartons-they were a couple of pounds and i felt more relaxed that i had a back up......wasnt a prepare to fail attitude more of a just incase (we live rural 24hour shops are not an option for us).
I wish id had a changing table-purley due to having a section and additional major abdominal surgery.....it was painful getting on the floor.
Congratulations.......exciting times ahead!!!

Bibs
Muslins
Blankets
Steriliser
Blankets
Cot bedding
Possibly moses basket for early days
Coat
Scratch mits
Socks
Changing bag

Clothes wise baby grows and vests are all you need,then look in charity shops as little babies grow out of things in 3-6 months so mast is barely worn.
Bath in the sink while they're small ,it will save your back too.
Beware baby mane ire sets,I nipped my DDS finger with clippers.The nails are sharp but soft and peel off easily.
I was given a pram and hardly used it ,after a few weeks I had a sling and them moved onto a pushchair(though I would try and get one that faces you,much easier to talk to them).
Keep it simple and enjoy.

Not sure how far gone you are but this month lots of supermarkets have their baby events on.
Or if not won't be long till the next ones.