AIBU to ask what you actually NEED when you’re having a baby?

[UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre]

So DP and I have just found out we are expecting our first over the summer. Totally unplanned & unexpected.
We are skint and freaking out a LOT.
SIL has kindly offered to give us her cot, and 30 reusable nappies.
I work with babies and I’m not stupid but I can’t help feeling like I don’t have a bloody clue.

So far we have on the list
Pram
Car seat
Sling (live rurally and have dogs)
Bottles incase I can’t BF
Dummies for sleeping to decrease sids risk
Nappies
Sudocreme
Cotton wool
Wipes
Sleepsuits/vests etc
Breast pads

Please can you amazing ladies help me out! I’m freaking out!

Thanks in advance

Also skipped baby bath (took her in with me), changing table (changed her on bed or sofa), clothes (babygros for at least 6 months).

Keep it simple. Your sanity is worth it!

For me, essentials were
-nappies
-vests &babygrows (10 each)

• sunhat for in the sling (summerbaby)
• a big fleece or similar that fits over both of you
• 2-3 old towels for changing
• a cot (take the side off, strap to your bed snd you have a side sleeper)

-2-3 washable blankets to put baby on

• a stretchy sling
• a carseat
• maternity pads and breastfeeding friendly clothes for you
• loads of muslins for spit ups, light blankets etc

I felt babies were always safer being changed on the floor- no chance of falling off a table, just put a towel on the floor and changed there.
Babies don't need separate towels, nomal family ones do the job just the same.

Remember OP there is a huge industry built around ( new) mothers with all the stuff that is "essential".

Most of it is not essential.

As long as a baby is warm, clean, fed and has somewhere to sleep ( and that may be your own bed too)it will be fine.

I never used a single muslin! Everyone told me I'd need them and I panicked as you can't get them where I live.

Bit of kitchen roll now and then, very infrequently.

If you're near an IKEA OP worth popping in as they have excellent good quality cheap things for babies.

Congrats!
I've bought a fab travel system from Aldi that I would recommend. My friend had it in the past and loved it, but paid £200 more than I did from shopping somewhere else.
www.aldi.co.uk/my-babiie-3-in-1-travel-system/p/016374286491600

Biggest essential - amazon prime!! All the things you suddenly realise you need you can order and they’ll be there the next day, and amazon prime tv has lots of free box sets for 2am tv watching!

I definitely think that having a couple of bottles and a little stash of readymade formula was helpful - I had twins who both lost weight so I was expressing and topping up, I was in hospital for a week and barely slept during that time so when we got home at 9pm and the babies just didn’t sleep all night and I couldn’t face working out how to use my breast pump I was able to top them up with formula that night - certainly didn’t put me off breast feeding and the babies are still on almost exclusive breast milk 3 months later but it made that first terrifying and exhausting night at home survivable!

Sleep!!!!!!!

I never used a single muslin! Everyone told me I'd need them and I panicked as you can't get them where I live.

Me neither.

I bought a pack but never needed them. My babies didn't posset/sick . Once fed it stayed down.

One of my babies dribbles all over herself with every feed, the other doesn’t at all - how many muslins you need depends on the baby. I think I only bought one pack of 3 though and seem to have hundreds and I’ve not had to buy a single babygro in the up to 1 month size (which they’re still in now!) - people will buy all sorts of things as presents!

Don’t listen to @GrumpyHoonMain - that’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard.

You don’t know how or if you’ll get on with breastfeeding and it can be really tough - though every woman and baby is different. I didn’t get on with it and having a bottle and ready to feed formula saved my sanity on day 5 and prevented my son from screaming through the night with hunger.

Most things have been mentioned, I would add
Feeding cushion!
Next to me crib (or equivalent) if you breastfeed or sidecar a cot from the beginning.
Giant comfy knickers 😂
A decent nursing bra
Top and tail bowl i found handy
I found a sleeping nest very useful aswell in the early days for supervised naps although looking back I probably could have just used the carrycot part of the pram
A swing - life saver for showers and just generally getting stuff done

Waste of money, i would say
White noise things (ewan/my hummy etc) you can use youtube
Moses basket pain in the arse if your are bf
Outfits for tiny babies (sleepsuits are all they need)
Dont buy tonnes of size 1 nappies they dont last long at all
Baby bath - just get a seat they take up far less room

I got most of my "big ticket" items off fb marketplace and saved an absolute fortune. Ive since sold everything on and near enough got all my money back.

Sorry just saw you are using cloth nappies, ignore the nappy bit!

I don't think some of the things people have on their lists are essentials.

Changing bag - use a rucksack
Baby towel - you can just use a small ordinary towel like a hand towel
Steriliser - may be an essential if you bottle feed but if you breastfeed and give the odd bottle you can use sterilising fluid or just simmer in a pan of water for 10 min. Inconvenient if you're doing it all the time, not an issue if it's a couple of times a week
Mitts - not essential, only needed if they scratch themselves. Can keep their nails short and lots of sleep suits have arms you can fold over if it's an issue.

Things you can do without
Baby bouncer
Swing seats
Bumbo
Changing table
Video monitor (or even a monitor if you live in a small house or a house where noise carries)
Travel system. Handy for the first few months but soon becomes too heavy
Pram - lots of decent buggies do a newborn insert type thing, and everyone I know that's had a pram has swapped to a buggy about a year old
Breastfeeding pillows etc - again they are handy but it's just to prop the baby up on, normal cushions or a pillow are fine
NCT groups etc- if its friends you're after there are other things like mush, if its information, all their information is available on their website
Moses basket and carry cot - can use one or the other or put baby straight in cot (some freak out at the space though)
Nappy bin (normal bin fine if changed often)

You can get everything from second hand sites like Facebook. Only buy new a mattress and a car seat (unless you know for sure the car seat hasn't been in an accident eg it's your best friend)

Also remember that you can wait and see what you need. Apart from nappies and milk, a few sleepsuits and somewhere to sleep, newborns dont need much. It's good to see what other people use eg if you do make mum friends you can try out each others stuff and if someone has something that magically calms your baby, it will seem a lot better value!

Good luck

Things I wouldn’t have bought in hindsight:
a crib (we co-sleep)
Travel system (she screamed almost everytime she was in the cot accessory
Baby bath (took baths together instead)
Bouncer
Jumparoo

Do buy some yellow metanium, and ideally something that does all of the following: night light, thermometer and baby monitor otherwise you end up with loads of gadgets.

I bought a travel cot with a changing top. I had an EMCS and so getting up and down from the floor painful. In the sales I git this for about £50, they must be cheaper second hand

Don’t bother with anything more than baby grow vests and baby grow sleepsuits for the first six months or so and make sure you get button up the middle ones or kimono style because you’re not going to want to fight a small baby who doesn’t want something going over its head - they can be total arseholes sometimes.

Re breastfeeding - lanolin balm will be a saviour to you for the first few weeks. I didn’t leak and so bought breast pads and ended up giving them away, so just see how you get on.

For your hospital bag take some button down nighty/pjs, massive knickers, your maternity clothes, flip flops, a pillow, a massive water bottle with a long straw (called the hydrant), phone charger

Congratulations and don’t panic! 👶🏻 You sound like you have a decent list going on there. You sound environmentally friendly if you’re going to give the cloth nappies a go - If you’re stocking up on wipes I recommend you go to boots for their biodegradable own brand ‘water’ wipes - 75p per packet or you can get multipacks. FAR cheaper than Water Wipes and better for the environment!

Congratulations! Most things have been covered by pp.

• Reusable wipes (IKEA sell packs of flannels cheaply)
• changing mat
• wet bag to store used reusable nappies when out.
• Digital thermometer to take babies temperature (if they are ill)
• proper nipple cream like Lansinoh
• Bath thermometer - I ran the bath too lukewarm so baby hated baths until I got one
• baby nail clippers/scissors
• baby lotion (I used virgin coconut oil until 3 months)
• maternity pads
• a couple of nursing tips if breastfeeding
• nursing bras (maybe start with a stretchy bralet as breast size likely to change a lot in the first 3 months)
• sleeping bag x2
• changing bag with travel changing mat
• an insulated travel mug for you so you can have a hot drink
• sun shades for car if you drive
• baby safe sun cream
• take a nice treat for yourself to the hospital like luxury chocolate or something that makes you feel great.

I know some posters gave said not to get a moses baskethe as they are only in them a couple of months but this was not the case for us. Oldest stayed in untill 6 months and youngest 10 months, they had plenty of room if they hadn't of has the moses basket they would have had to move into their own room much younger because thete wasn't room for a cot in our room.

Have a look to see if there are any local facebook groups for buying and selling baby stuff. We have one and you can pick up prams, toys, clothes etc. very cheaply.

Don't buy too many muslins. I used very old and soft tea towels on occasion.
You can sterilise bottles in a saucepan of boiled water.
I used a messenger style bag rather than an "official" changing bag.

My advice is tell everyone you are pregnant as soon as feasible and not to go shopping until about 25 weeks. That way people can promise you stuff and give it to you OR even buy it for you as a gift.

Loads of stuff I had and still receive for DD is from other people who finished having children or will have a large gap between children. I then passed stuff to other people including colleagues particular newborn cloryhes as my DD was born smaller than the people who gave me stuff.

So while I brought a travel system and passed it on I was given a Moses basket, cot, lots of baby clothes, breast pump, unused bottles, sling, wrap and random other things.

My kids are long grown now and have kids of their own, but sheesh, people have a very strange idea of the definition of need

Congratulations OP.

most things have been mentioned, the one thing I would say is join the asda baby and toddler club. they email you discounts and so you might find that you get offers on things like formula, nappies etc

@ColaFreezePop everything you just said ...
I'd also not bother with a massively expensive travel system- I've bought a new one everytime and always its ended up in the garage after a few weeks in favour of a sling or my trustee silvercross buggy!

Congratulations btw!

Find a charity shop that specialises in baby and children’s clothes and equipment. Buy almost everything second hand and if you have kind relatives or friends who offer you items have a list of things at varying costs to choose from.

If you are given dozens of tiny outfits at birth, take at least half back and exchange for bigger sized outfits so you are covered for the first year at least.

Many items such as top and tail bowl are easy to replicate for free. Just save a couple of sturdy plastic bowls from food packaging, preferably of different colour or shape and use one for cleaning the top of your baby and one for the bottom.

Start adding one or two items to your weekly shop from around 20 weeks so you have a supply of maternity pads, wipes, cotton wool etc without noticing the cost very much.

Enjoy.

A decent thermometer and snot sucker were both things DP got dispatched out to get at an ungodly hour so I would say get those in.

You might get given some but I think it’s worth having a dummy just in case. You might never use it but if you have a moment late in the night you might be really grateful it’s there to try.