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Original poster

To think there's nothing shocking about a married woman with kids going away with friends?

129 replies

Holidayaddict · 03/01/2020 14:38

Middle aged, married mother of teens here!

I recently went on a European city break with two female friends, one single with no kids, the other in similar situation to myself, if relevant. It was very sensible - sightseeing and a few nice meals & drinks.

I happened to mention it to elderly neighbour who looked shocked and said "and your DH was happy with that?" and said that her husband would never have allowed it. I took it with a pinch of salt given her age when she then said that her daughter in law had done similar and her son (in his 40s) was not happy at all but let her go in the end. I made a mental note that her son must be a chauvenist and forgot about it.

Then, a few days later, I met with a friend who is the same age as me and has kids in their late teens and early 20s. Subject of my trip came up and she seemed genuinely shocked and said her husband would not be happy at all if she did that. I said that was ridiculous, that my husband had no problem and I didn't expect otherwise. I half seriously suggested that we organise something ourselves but her reaction told me it was an absolute no no!

I have to say I was shocked by these attitudes in this day and age! Surely this isn't the norm amongst middle aged men, or is it?

OP posts:
PineappleDanish · 06/01/2020 08:35

I'm exactly in that age group as is DH and he wouldn't have an issue with it at all.

Crazypanda85 · 06/01/2020 08:41

Plenty of women I know go away for a weekend once a year with friends, and their husband have a similar weekend. I think it's great, it shows we as mother's, and men as father's have come on leaps and bounds! Who ever would of thought 50 years ago a woman could go and have a good time whilst a man could look after 2+ children on his own FOR AN ENTIRE WEEKEND shock Wink

I think as long as the child is happy and whoever is looking after them is happy with the arrangements then screw what anyone else thinks.
A close friend of mine though happily palms her 1 year old off on her parents/in-laws/siblings to regularly have spa weekends/boozy weekenders etc with DH, now that I think isn't the best decision. But who am I to judge!

CosmoK · 06/01/2020 09:13

A close friend of mine though happily palms her 1 year old off on her parents/in-laws/siblings to regularly have spa weekends/boozy weekenders etc with DH, now that I think isn't the best decision. But who am I to judge!

Why is this an issue? And why is she ^palming' her kids off? Surely her family are just babysitting?
My MIL and SIL regularly babysit for DS so me and DH can have boozy nights out and weekends away. it's bloody brilliant!

maddy68 · 06/01/2020 09:15

I always have a girls week away, love it. Nobody's business really is the t as long as your husband doesn't mind mine enjoys his week of peace

WineOrGinOrBoth · 06/01/2020 09:27

Do it all the tile as does dh. Every couple needs a break. In laws & my dad always catsbum about me going (but not about dh going -cultural) but who cares.

But I know plenty of people who aren’t ‘allowed’ away. I always always make controlling comments in their dhs presence. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself Blush

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 06/01/2020 09:34

This reminds of my late MIL, who also came out with the whole 'Oh, FIL would never have allowed me to do x y z.. while we were married.. You're so lucky my son lets you Hmm.'

I used to ask her why then, does he 'let' his 2nd wife do x y z and more?

I could never understand it, it was like she wanted to be a controlled wife, the eternal 50's victim with no freedom.

MsTSwift · 06/01/2020 09:41

We both have a couple of single sex weekends away a year we didn’t often when kids baby toddler stage but once they at school of course.

A girls weekend was mooted in my absence once but dh was there and he signed me up Grin so he can go away guilt free!

onanothertrain · 06/01/2020 10:27

I don't think there is an issue with this at all, I do it as does my OH. However there have been lots of threads on here from women who don't want their DP going on a lads weekend / cycling trip or whatever and generally they are supported. It works both ways.

adriennewillfly · 06/01/2020 12:12

We have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. DH would have a problem with it because the 3 year old is a handful at the moment so we have to plan in advance for one of us to be away for a weekend. But it's a mutual feeling.

FramingDevice · 06/01/2020 12:27

I recently went on a European city break with two female friends, one single with no kids, the other in similar situation to myself, if relevant. It was very sensible - sightseeing and a few nice meals & drinks.

OP, you don't need to convince anyone it was 'sensible' -- it's irrelevant whether you were swinging from chandeliers in the Berlin underworld or on a teetotal tai chi weekend in Bruges! I go away all the time, including an annual trip to the US with a male friend where we do deeply unwise things and stay out all night drinking, and a silent retreat at a Buddhist centre. DH goes skiing with his friends, or on sports-related trips, or to Barcelona to see an ex of his he's still fond of.

DesLynamsMoustache · 06/01/2020 12:29

Blimey, my DH positively encourages me to go away with my best mate! We tend to go abroad once a year for a long weekend at least together and have done for yonks. He was away at a wedding for the weekend recently too. We aren't joined at the hip! And he's perfectly capable of parenting his own child while I'm away.

DesLynamsMoustache · 06/01/2020 12:31

I think that a lot of this is because so many men don't actually seem know how to parent their own child solo, which is very depressing.

ScatteredMama82 · 06/01/2020 12:35

I go away with my friends, DH has no problem with it. In fact he encourages me to go! He works away a lot (military) so he thinks (rightly) that I need a break from the constant running of the house and looking after kids by myself. He doesn't tend to go away with friends, but I think that's because he likes being at home after being away with work so much.

Both MIL & FIL have commented upon it though, suggesting that DH won't be able to cook and/or look after the kids on his own. Ridiculous attitude!

MsTSwift · 06/01/2020 16:31

We are not sensible on our trips Grin

mindutopia · 06/01/2020 16:41

No, not at all. I go away on holiday by myself (not even with friends) at least once a year. It’s great. Not shocking at all, dh and dc manage just fine without me.

Dh works in a fairly traditional rural business (imagine like he’s a farmer). Nearly everyone he talks to about his work assumes I must then be a SAHM, because that just traditionally would have been the case. They nearly faint when he tells them I have a fairly prestigious London career and dh carries at least 50-60% of the parenting and household tasks. One old boy the other day just said, ‘oh you poor chap, how do you manage?!’ Dh was like, ‘just like every other functioning grown up does.’ Hmm

HelloDulling · 06/01/2020 16:48

I’m in my 40s, and I would do this, as would all my friends. My SIL, who is 53, would also do it, but her partner would hate it, make a fuss and expect her to ring twice a day (they have adult children who have left home). When you boil it down, he doesn’t trust her.

I can remember my mum going to Greece for a week with a teacher pal for half term one year when I was with my dad. Her partner went berserk; I can remember him screaming down the phone at her friend that she was a ‘fucking home-wrecker’. She never went away without him again.

randomchap · 06/01/2020 17:08

I used to love it when my wife had weekends away. Enjoyed doing things with the kids that she wouldn't be so interested in. Gave me the chance to see lots of castles.

It also gave us the chance to miss each other, and it was always lovely seeing the children delighted that mum was home.

Keep enjoying your trips, it's important to have time for yourself.

SkaterGrrrrl · 06/01/2020 17:35

I do this all the time. Adore DH but I see him every day, a girls' weekend away is fab.

Ellapaella · 06/01/2020 20:14

I go away three or four times a year with my girlfriends for anywhere between 2-4 days. I have done since both my kids were tiny - I can't imagine why anyone's partner would have a problem with this. My husband also has two trips away with his mates per year as well, one long skiing weekend and one long weekend away surfing. Having some time out to be something other than husband/wife/parent is fabulous.

moita · 07/01/2020 07:36

My SIL went away for 3 nights recently- MIL had a similar reaction. Even though her son is a fantastic dad and more than capable of coping with looking after their son. BIL and SIL have no financial constraints so it was purely MIL being weirdly sexist and having little faith in her son Hmm

Neither DH or I would go away without each other purely because money's so tight but we did pre kids without any issues.

MinnieMountain · 07/01/2020 07:52

I remember the joy of my first post-child weekend away when DS was 15 months old. He was annoyed but DH was fine.

I've got 3 trips planned for this year. I can't wait Grin

Verily1 · 07/01/2020 07:58

It’s so sad that so many women still have such caged lives

nibdedibble · 07/01/2020 08:03

I go away about twice a year with friends. I'd go off my rocker if I didn't. DH travels a lot for work and I know he sees it as absolutely valid the I get some 'time off' from domestic crap as well.

Having said that I do know people who call each other three times a day even when they'll see each other in the evening, and they just wouldn't do it. One woman I know thinks it's a sign that your marriage isn't doing well if you don't want to be with your dh 24/7. Whatever.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 07/01/2020 08:07

MIL calls it babysitting when I go away with work and DH stays home with the DC. When DH goes away with work and I stay home it's not even mentioned. We both contribute, we both work hard, we both bring something to the table, but only one of us is the grafter!

Her head falls off frequently at the things we do and how our family works, but she never worked, never believed in women being entitled to anything and never put her head about the parapet. I don't look down on that; it was her choice and people are all different, I just know I couldn't live that life.

TheGoogleMum · 07/01/2020 08:19

Ha I think DH would be happy for me to go as long as he can have his own get away with his mates! As it stands with a 1 yr old I don't particularly want to parent alone so neither of us will leave the other on theiown for a while. With teenage DCs in your situation I dont see why not!