To think there's nothing shocking about a married woman with kids going away with friends?

[Holidayaddict]

Middle aged, married mother of teens here!

I recently went on a European city break with two female friends, one single with no kids, the other in similar situation to myself, if relevant. It was very sensible - sightseeing and a few nice meals & drinks.

I happened to mention it to elderly neighbour who looked shocked and said "and your DH was happy with that?" and said that her husband would never have allowed it. I took it with a pinch of salt given her age when she then said that her daughter in law had done similar and her son (in his 40s) was not happy at all but let her go in the end. I made a mental note that her son must be a chauvenist and forgot about it.

Then, a few days later, I met with a friend who is the same age as me and has kids in their late teens and early 20s. Subject of my trip came up and she seemed genuinely shocked and said her husband would not be happy at all if she did that. I said that was ridiculous, that my husband had no problem and I didn't expect otherwise. I half seriously suggested that we organise something ourselves but her reaction told me it was an absolute no no!

I have to say I was shocked by these attitudes in this day and age! Surely this isn't the norm amongst middle aged men, or is it?

I'm 40 with 3 young DCs (all under 10) and have been on lots of trips with friends - hen weekends (UK and abroad), trips to visit friends overseas, spa weekends etc etc. Nobody has ever suggested to me that they found it strange or that my DH should have any issue with it (and indeed he doesn't).

I've voted YABU, because there's a lot of sexist, behind the times middle aged men about.

I'm single in my 50's and it's what puts women 40+ off getting into another relationship.

The only men I know who've had problems with their partners doing something like this have been controling arseholes.
YANBU

It’s normal of a certain type of man. My ex never let me do anything like that (although he did) but he was/is abusive and controlling. His father is the same and his mother truly believes the husband has the final say on what his wife does, wears and how she “conducts herself”. Thankfully I got myself the fuck away from them really!

Most men I know I’m sure have no issue with it. I have friends, aunties, my current MIL and myself who go out with friends and trips away and no one turns a hair. I think that’s the normal way things are.

I do this at least once a year.

My mum is the only one who has an issue, I suspect because she never got the opportunity when she was in my situation and carries that grudge a little 🙄

These women don't have nice husbands.

Yanbu

It makes you wonder the reason behind it. Like a trust issue

They are all bonkers
I’d go away with you , you sound fun !
The only issues I would encounter in my relationship is allocation of funds, as in we have none, so if one of us went on a jolly that would mean no family break so that would be OH only injection which in our case would mean big no mo ( plus one year I’ll breast feed twins!!!) ,.... I’m jealous would love a girly city break, christ is just like a hot coffee in peace 😆

I don’t think it’s an age thing I think it’s a controlling twat thing. My ex is significantly younger than my dad, current FIL and my uncles and none of them are controlling types who don’t let their partners have fun with their friends. I know someone who’s ex boyfriend wouldn’t let her out with her friends when they were 20. Controlling bastards come in all shapes and sizes and ages.

I think there are plenty of women with this view, tbh, reinforced by men's views. My mum wouldn't have dreamt of leaving us in your scenario, whereas my mother in law would have been much more relaxed and did go away with friends as you describe every so often - my mum was a SAHM with a very 'traditional' view of the woman's role in the home, whereas my MIL worked when DH was tiny so was used to being away/having other facets to her personality.

Yes, there are huge quantities of sexist arseholes and internalised misogyny about.

Nothing about your trip sounds unreasonable to me.

A friend left a 1 yo with her parents for a week to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip with her DH and 7yo. A mutual friend was a bit sniffy about it to me but I'm pretty sure she was just jealous.

I have an aunt whose husband was like this but she's in her seventies. Her life took off after he died and she's volunteering and going abroad on holiday. Shame it had to wait till after he died

A lot of marrie women think like that not just the elderly ones it is a really odd way to think, I hope you just rolled your eyes and sighed .

I went away to the Canaries for 3 nights with my friends when DC were 2, 3 and 16.

I think the person who was most shocked about it was myself. DH actively encouraged me to go, probably hoping it would cheer my miserable mug up a bit.

I don't know any men like this, even my parents' generation. You must live in a time warp.

Ha! Women should be chained to the house, dontcha know.

Hmm.
Not sure on this one.
I wouldn’t be happy with my DH swanning off abroad with his mates while I was at home with the kids.
I’d assume he’d rather go away with his mates because it was more fun.

Her husband probably thought a wife should stay with her family and the neighbour agreed, i went away with a friend a few years ago for an overnight her husband badgered her with whatya doing I miss you the whole time she has said she won't go again without him.

Mrsjayy have you not suggested to her that what her husband needs is more practice?

I wouldn’t be happy with my DH swanning off abroad with his mates while I was at home with the kids.

Not even if it was a quid pro quo and you also got to swan off abroad with your mates while DH looked after the kids?

The whole idea of a husband "allowing' or 'not allowing" his wife to do something has no place in modern marriage. The moment words to that effect came out of my husband's mouth I would know that he didn't view me as an equal partner and that would be relationship over.

It's not up to any man to 'let' his wife do anything, she has agency and this is the 21st century. I regularly go for trips with friends abroad, occasionally even alone if dh can't make it. The man who can dictate to me hasn't been born.

These women don't have nice husbands

This, really.

I've been away with friends loads of times without the other half, he's been away without me and we have kids too.

I think its important that you have time away from each other doing separate things - as long as you both have the opportunity to do it, I don't see anything wrong with it.

YANBU. I’ve got a 30 year old friend and her husband was very supportive of her going abroad with a friend whilst he stayed at home and looked after two preschoolers.