To think there's nothing shocking about a married woman with kids going away with friends?

[Holidayaddict]

Middle aged, married mother of teens here!

I recently went on a European city break with two female friends, one single with no kids, the other in similar situation to myself, if relevant. It was very sensible - sightseeing and a few nice meals & drinks.

I happened to mention it to elderly neighbour who looked shocked and said "and your DH was happy with that?" and said that her husband would never have allowed it. I took it with a pinch of salt given her age when she then said that her daughter in law had done similar and her son (in his 40s) was not happy at all but let her go in the end. I made a mental note that her son must be a chauvenist and forgot about it.

Then, a few days later, I met with a friend who is the same age as me and has kids in their late teens and early 20s. Subject of my trip came up and she seemed genuinely shocked and said her husband would not be happy at all if she did that. I said that was ridiculous, that my husband had no problem and I didn't expect otherwise. I half seriously suggested that we organise something ourselves but her reaction told me it was an absolute no no!

I have to say I was shocked by these attitudes in this day and age! Surely this isn't the norm amongst middle aged men, or is it?

I went on holiday for 2 weeks with a friend to Latin America. She has 1 DC and during the time we were going, her marriage was falling apart. She really needed the break and was much more able to keep her mental state stable for her daughter and herself after the holiday. YANBU.

I've been going on ladies weekends since my DC was a year old. They have a father (DH) who can look after them.

The people who are shocked are living in the dark ages.

Mrsjayy have you not suggested to her that what her husband needs is more practice?

Yes I have mentioned it once or 100 times Love51

My DH (50) positively encourages me to do this. Gives him a chance to do active things with DC that I’m not into ... Segway, Orbing etc.
It also makes him feel less guilty about going off to Rome or Dublin for the rugby. Not that he needs to feel guilty in any case.

I would think twice about doing it right now because of the age of my dc- 2.5 and 4 months because dh would struggle to manage them both as he works shifts. BUT once they're older and more independent then it's absolutely fine.

Fairly sure those husbands who object to this wouldnt see an issue with them going away for work or pleasure!!

You girls are very lucky 🍀

I went away once a year from when dcs were 9 months old. Some people were horrified.

I never stopped going away with friends with out my DH or DC. My DH does it occasionally now with a hobby group / team thing. I am very sociable and my DH is less so, he knows that I value time with my friends. Staying home with DC is never an issue because DC was never a chore. I have always worked full time and travel for work too.

My mum used to do this with Dad’s blessing. She’d have been 101 last year. Definitely an arsehole thing, not an age thing.

Well as long as they could afford it I don't see any possible issue, I wonder if the same people would be horrified by a husband and father doing the same?

I go away sometimes and, shock horror, I don't even ask permission . Likewise for DH. We just check we haven't forgotten a prior arrangement or something. I find people who are surprised by this sort of thing usually are older or have never moved away from where they grew up. DH and I were at a NYE party and I left before him as I took children home. Many people of our age were surprised we weren't going together. Weird.

I went to Italy with a friend for 4 days didn't have children at the time and my mum had told my Nan. My Nan said I was in a strange marriage and who would be making my husbands dinner when I'm away

I don't get why its a problem at all. I wouldn't have a problem with DH going away (he never does)
I've been away to a retreat once a year in the UK for the last four years (since I felt comfortable leaving DH to cope i.e .from when DS2 was 6) and last year I went for my first girls weekend away abroad and fully intend to do it every year now. I mean the kids are 10 and 12, not babies. DH is perfectly capable of parenting them.
I expect these are the kind of folk who expect the woman to cover all the childcare too, even if they also work.

YANBU at all!

I am married and DH and I have both been on separate holidays with friends. Obviously I would have a problem if DH wanted to spend all our money on mates holidays and wasn't interested in holidays with me, but that's not the case. If your DH is fine with it then ignore these people!

I go away annually with my BFF, leaving my DC with DH. I try to be considerate when planning and spend small amounts of money.

But... ask his permission? Not likely!

I swan off all the time! So does dh. We are both kore than capable of looking after our dc alone for a few days. I’m not sure I’d go for a week but that’s more because I’d miss the dc, rather than because I’m not ‘allowed’.

I’d assume he’d rather go away with his mates because it was more fun.

Erm. Yeah. Holidays with kids are hard work. No reason why each parent can’t get a break kid-free at some point. The important thing is that it is equal and fair, not one-sided.

If it was financially possible then yes . Me & dh both have been on separate hen & stag weekends abroad before so i suppose that's a good excuse. I'd be keen on going away separately but I'd prefer a holiday with dh so to do both then my dh to have a lads holiday may not be financially possible . I certainly wouldn't be shocked more jealous . I know a few couples who holiday without partners who kids older like you .

I remember my grandad not speaking to my Mum for months as she went to Paris (and other trips) with a friend. My GD was disgusted and wanted to know 'who was going to look after my dad

This was back in 1979 ish though

The only men I know who've had problems with their partners doing something like this have been controling arseholes

Yep.

The type who also can't possibly look after the kids by themselves or figure out what to eat without a woman helping them.

I've gone away with friends once or more every year since my children weren't breastfed (around 7 months) my husband has never had a problem with it, although he gets a lot more offers of help and sympathy offered than I do when he goes away!!

Very weird attitude! Both dh and me (late 40s) go away with friends and without each other. It’s good for us and great fun. None of the spouses of either gender have any issue with it.

I think this level of crazy only occurs with misogynistic types and the types who “can’t” manage alone.

I’ve seen some awful stories here of women who are ill or injured and their husband does literally nothing for them.

there's a lot of sexist, behind the times middle aged men about

Lots of young ones out there too.

Anyway OP, you're doing nothing wrong. Going away without the kids is totally acceptable. Healthy for you if you're primary care giver in fact.

@Andsbk

You girls are very lucky

I don't see it as lucky really. It's just shared parenting.

As long as I can afford to go, then I see no reason not to go.

All this stuff about permission and well.... No chance. My days of seeking permission to go out or away ended when I left home.

On the permission issue, my friends MIL asked if she sought permission (from her DH) to cut her hair. Such nonsense.