To not want her at the party

[Ifonly86]

AIBU to think a child that demands a party invitation then doesn’t say thank you for the invite shouldn’t come?
Completely prepared to be told IABU but I would expect better manners from an 11 year old. DS doesn’t particularly like said child but he felt guilty at leaving her out despite her public mega tantrum at not being initially invited due to numbers.
This girl is known for being a trouble maker and I’m concerned she will cause damage and I will lose the deposit or she will spoil it for DS somehow. The last party they both attended, she made it about her and wouldn’t let the birthday girl speak to any other friends then took the party bag and left without saying thank you or bye. Her parents brought her sibling without asking and let him eat a lot of the food and didn’t bring a gift (I know not to be expected but still the done thing). She is very needy and clingy and regularly has tantrums if a child doesn’t spend their entire day with her. There are no underlying issues, her parents find it funny and enable this. They are also rude and entitled.
I know I can’t uninvite her or make an excuse so close to the party despite praying she doesn’t show as some of her friends are coming who will be talking about it and a relative of hers is my ndn so we wouldn’t get away with it. Feeling bitter about the whole situation, how can I handle this?

Well tbf you invited her! So you either suck it up or uninvited her....I'm very shocked at an 11 year old behaving like that! The parents sound a joke. The only thing you can do if she does come is keep an eye and any bad behaviour ring the parents no you shouldn't have to be policing a kid at your own party but you were irresponsible in letting your son invite her it shouldn't have happened.

@PPopsicle

Have you even read the thread? The OP didn’t invite the child, her DS did

Yes, which is why I corrected my post pretty much straight away

its too late to uninvite her, and doing that to a child is unkind anyway, but it is not too late to speak to/message the parents.

OP doesn’t have to like this little girl. She may well have issues at home/shit parents but thats no reason to prioritise her demands and excuse bad behaviour at the expense of her own DC, its a private party not a school/community event. How will she grow into a decent adult if she’s constantly appeased? Saw this at my DC old primary school and it does not work. Sometimes a spoiled child is exactly that, without SEN or other invisible reasons, and parents like this should expect home truths and consequences.

I’d contact the parents to let them know that their DD threw a strop, intimidated DS & invited herself. I’d also set firm ground rules about who’s party it is, expected high standard of behaviour, damage will not be tolerated, absolutely no sibling and whatever else to make it clear the girl is welcome only as long as she doesn’t bring herself to your attention. Based on past experiences that’s fair. Its not up to you or others to keep this family happy, when they have no such qualms. If they don’t like it she needn’t attend. Its your party, your money, take charge.

Good luck today op

When the parents look like they're leaving tell them one has to stay and supervise her. If. She plays up and they don't deal with it you have a bit more behind you to ask them to leave

Have you invited everyone else in the class?

I’d text the parents to state that she’s invited herself to the party, but that there are no siblings and if they try to bring any, neither will be allowed entry. if she causes damage they will be expected to reimburse (via small claims court if necessary) and she will be immediately ejected from the party.

Or she can politely withdraw

You owe these people nothing, they are too dense to get subtle so just go full metal jacket at them and tell them how it is.

That's a tricky situation. Maybe get your son to uninvite her saying that he checked with you after he invited her and you already are at capacity.....Good luck! and let us know how you get on.

Perhaps you could mock up some sort of form regarding them taking total responsibility for the welfare of their child and any damage she causes. Get them and a witness to sign it and if they question it just breezily laugh it off that everyone has to sign one. I am sure you could find something on-line. At least then if she does do £500 more of damage, the parents will not have a leg to stand on - can’t believe they didn't pay the last time .

Good luck today OP. Let us know how it goes!

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How did it go op, I hope all was ok.

Keep an eye on her at the party - the first sign of trouble, just ring her parents (make sure you get contact numbers).

Someone has to draw the line and not reward her terrible behaviour with party invites etc. Too late now I suppose, but you could always ask another child as grim as this one and team them up as playmates.

How was it?

I like the advice that says assign a secret minder ... have you a friend or relative who can help? Get all the parents numbers and let them know if anyone gets upset etc or some sort of emergency you'll give them a call so as children can be picked up to go home early. Definitely do not get dumped with the sibling, you are not a baby sitting service ... suspect parents only to pleased to dump them off and run ... who wouldnt.

How did the party go OP?
Hope it was ok xX

Any broken speakers ? 🙈

Hope it went ok and you're not sobbing in to a glass of wine!

Hmmm. It depends how brave you are.

If it were me I would approach the child and parents in the playground, introduce yourself and tell them you invited her as a courtesy as you don't like to see children left out but her poor behaviour is the talk of the playground and that you have a strict expectation that she behaves herself, so much so that one of the parents will be required to stay at the party and if there are any instances of bad behaviour they will be required to immediately take her home.

I put money on it they will be so offended that they won't let her attend at all.

Hold your head up high and be THAT parent. The other parents will probably give you a medal and will likely follow your lead.

Stand firm, don't pussy foot around.

you can uninvited her ungrateful buttox, an 11 year old knows full well when to say please and thank you, just say son did it without my knowledge and we are at capacity im really sorry i couldnt cope with it unless her parents are prepared to sign a waver to say they will be present and pay for any damages she causes after the party :L:L:L of course light hearted

a child is a child but its the parents finding what she does funny that would get on my pip

If it were me I would approach the child and parents in the playground

Party was today

Update post party, OP?

My 7yo son has a group of 3 friends. 2 lovely. 1 awful. He used to be an adorable little boy. Invited for a playdate. He was AWFUL, absolutely God awful. I was floored at what a rude, bullying brat he'd turned into. My son was told he will never ever be allowed back to our house or invited to any parties. Hes part of their close group of friends but I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour. I made it clear to my son from the off so he knew the score. You need to do the same-talk about her with your son, explain she is absolutely not invited to anything.

Can you write a note to her parents informing them no siblings allowed and as it's so and sos party he will not be able to keep her company all the time as he will have others to make contact with and be busy doing normal birthday things such as blowing out candles on his cake. Just say wanting to inform folk in case they feel ignored. You can't uninvite her, unfortunately.