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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a baby who sleeps through noise is just luck

170 replies

Hustssleeping · 02/01/2020 23:59

My friends new baby will only sleep in perfect silence. Which means a family tiptoeing around with white noise on when they want to whisper. It seems crazy but I remember doing the same with my first.
Is it just luck if your baby sleeps through any noise or is there a trick to it? She desperately wants to know as her DSS comes EOW and she feels bad asking him to be quiet- she knows its important it's his house too..
So
IABU there is a way of teaching babies to sleep through noise (if so- share the magic please!)
IANBU- it's just luck

OP posts:
MaltbyMaeve · 03/01/2020 09:11

It’s luck - there’s some new research coming through that it’s due to the presence of a certain chemical in the brain. A sleep professor presented at our work place and said the early indications of this research are that all the claims to be able to train a baby to sleep through noise are complete nonsense. Unfortunately we had two who needed complete silence. It’s bliss now we’ve converted the loft and they’re sleeping a floor away from the living space!!

IvinghoeBeacon · 03/01/2020 09:11

the hilarious thing is that my son sleeps very well these days, but I am awake most of the night because I have pregnancy insomnia. Which is definitely my own fault in the sense that I knew it would happen again. I have been on MN for many years and have encountered the “if what I did didn’t work for you then it’s because you did it wrong/are lying” thing over and over again - it’s such a shame for those who are in the thick of whatever it is to encounter that POV because it just makes them feel like shit, and it’s completely unnecessary if people just exercised a bit of kindness and insight

HandsOffMyRights · 03/01/2020 09:11

It's down to the baby.

I have twins (teenagers now) and one baby slept through, one did not.

They both experienced the same environment. As teenagers they are very different now too.

Chuffit · 03/01/2020 09:13

I think it's a bit of both.
My first born was a wailer whether it was silence or world war three going off. I swear I only had to breath in the next room and the wailing would start.
Still a bad sleeper as an adult ( but without the wailing )
Second born was a dream, slept through anything and barely woke up. Can still fall asleep at the drop of a hat as an adult.
Both had normal household noise levels going on, TV, hoover, washing machine etc.
We actually had a brick wall knocked down between two rooms with a sledgehammer and the second born slept straight through it. Something which to this day still amazes us.
I feel for anyone who has a wailer. All these years later I can still remember the sheer tiredness and frustration that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

HowDoIhelp321 · 03/01/2020 09:14

Conversely, I had one baby who requires silence and by the time he was 2 I swear you could swing him round your head and he wouldn't wake.

Third baby loves noise, will happily sleep it it. But change that noise too sudden shout, bang or silence and he's awake in a split second.

HowDoIhelp321 · 03/01/2020 09:14

but by the time he was two....

HowDoIhelp321 · 03/01/2020 09:17

@HandsOffMyRights, @MiniGuinness would tell you you're being neurotic with one twin and not the other.
Or perhaps try and pull the 'underlying reason' such as reflux. 🙄

As if actual adults don't have different sleep patterns and personality.
We aren't robotic, we're all different.
As are babies.

MiniGuinness · 03/01/2020 09:18

Ivinghoe- Why would would what bother you? loveisland wished a non sleeping grandchild
on me and I am unsure why that should bother me...

IvinghoeBeacon · 03/01/2020 09:19

My son slept through all kinds of noise but not others, and he’s still the same (though the types of noises have changed, he likes to keep us on our toes).

Funnily enough my brother who was the deepest sleeper (needed a urine alarm because he wouldn’t wake up if he needed the loo) now has terrible problems sleeping and was up and down all night at Christmas when he stayed with us

IvinghoeBeacon · 03/01/2020 09:20

Eh? What does that post mean?

hazeyjane · 03/01/2020 09:20

Eh? You are arguing from the point of view that...
there is a way of teaching babies to sleep through noise (the original question)

You say...It absolutely is not luck....(you are) answering the Ops original question about whether it is luck and (you) do not believe it is....(you) carried on as normal whenever (yours) slept and it paid off because they slept through anything...(you) have never known any children to wake at normal living sounds, so I really don't think it is luck.

So it's all down to what you as a parent do, rather than what hand you are dealt. That is the point of the question.

I'm saying there are a myriad of reasons why some babies sleep better than others, including things like sensory issues, complex needs but also personality type, health needs, physical issues etc etc and all of these reasons are as a result of luck.

bumblingbovine49 · 03/01/2020 09:21

It absolutely is not luck. I went to a friends house before I had children and we weren't allowed inside because the child was napping. I was determined that my children would never impact my life in this way, how ridiculous. I carried on as normal whenever mine slept and it paid off because they slept through anything.

A perfect example.of not understanding statistics. Hmm

The most convincing argument I have heard for it being ( mostly) luck on this thread is the mothers with twins who have one of each type of sleeper .

I only had the one terrible sleeper so do find this fascinating as I can't even use personal experience to ( probably wrongly ) decide if.was luck or.my parenting.

I imagine it was a bit of both, luck in that DS was not predisposed to sleep well but my parenting may have made it worse ( or improved it since I have no idea how he would have turned out with another parent ) .

HowDoIhelp321 · 03/01/2020 09:21

It also makes a huge difference whether they have a bottle or breast, or dummy or thumb etc.

But the main thing is, they aren't all the same. They are different, how anyone can't see that is actually a bit weird.

Plenty of studies have shown that we become who we are through both nature and nurture. So to claim sleep is through nurture alone is just daft. As I said, twin examples here and twin studies have shown that.

thunderthighsohwoe · 03/01/2020 09:23

Absolutely luck. Ours is a VERY light sleeper like both her dad and I are. Our house is very busy - we live close to friends and family, and lots of my friends were mat leave at the same time as me/work part time, open plan living area and baby’s bedroom on the same floor. After about 4 months of overtiredness we invested in a Snoozeshade and white noise toy. Changed baby instantly. She’s still a buggy napper and will do so anywhere, but those things are just insurance because she will ALWAYS choose awake time over naps 🤦🏻‍♀️

MiniGuinness · 03/01/2020 09:24

Sorry Ivinghoe, what aren't you understanding? You asked why would would what bother you? Is that what you are Eh-ing About?

MiniGuinness · 03/01/2020 09:25

Except I added an extra would!! 😂

IvinghoeBeacon · 03/01/2020 09:25

I didn’t ask that?! Have you got the wrong poster? I’m not sure it’s the “sleep-deprived” among us who can’t keep things straight...

MiniGuinness · 03/01/2020 09:25

Oh no that was you! 😂

Grumpos · 03/01/2020 09:26

I think new babies it’s probably a bit of luck but as they get older there’s definitely an element of teaching them surely?
Is it not to do with self soothing? So before they learn this skill they will wake and won’t know how to self settle back to sleep immediately? Once we started working on self soothing with my DC they slept through noise a lot better, to the point you can now mooch about in his room when he’s asleep and he may stir but he’s able to immediately roll over and settle again.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask other people and children to keep the noise down whilst a baby sleeps - we do that still with DSC when ours is napping. It’s basic curtesy to keep noise down when someone is sleeping / unwell etc, won’t hurt for him to learn that we have to be considerate of others. As long as the lad doesn’t have to sit in silence???

MiniGuinness · 03/01/2020 09:26

Oh no sorry it was another poster! Apologies. It is very late here!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 03/01/2020 09:30

Surely it's just the child. I cant sleep through any noise so I dont see why a child should (past the newborn stage). I have heavy sleeper and a light sleeper and the light sleeper has napped at nursery every week day for the last year...she is always the second to wake - as soon as any other child makes a noise, it wakes her up

Newyear2020 · 03/01/2020 09:32

I found it was an age thing with my dc. At around 2 years they started sleeping through and sleeping so very deeply.

hazeyjane · 03/01/2020 09:37

there is a reason your child is not a good sleeper. So again it is not down to chance/luck/etc.

My big waffly post was a way of saying - Yes, there is a reason (Just as there is a reason for all the other light sleepers)....LUCK!

Jessica7689 · 03/01/2020 09:39

I definitely thought it was superior parenting when I had my first - dd could sleep through an earthquake (and did, on one occasion).

But ds was a completely different kettle of fish and would get woken up by a train going past half a mile away.

GailCindy · 03/01/2020 09:45

I could have written a similar thread about a friend of mine. She has a 8 week old baby, she is following advice that she should carry on as normal when baby is asleep noise wise yet the baby can't seem to settle for long enough to be refreshed by a sleep. Then he gets in that cycle of the baby being overtired and grumpy. To me, it is obvious that he isn't the baby that can sleep through hoovering so she should be quieter when he is tired/asleep but she has been convinced that she will be making a rod for her own back if she doesn't get him used to it. What doesn't help is that most of her friends including me had babies who didn't match what the books say and weren't sleeping through the night at a couple of months old.

I couldn't drop asleep through racket in the house so I don't see why a baby should be expected to.