How do I survive MIL’s hellish visit?

[spontaneouscombustionawaits]

Help me get through this week. Please. I’m begging you. My MIL is staying with us. I have a week left. I’m broken. She is the most despicable woman. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Awful. I don’t want to go into details. Just want some sisterly support and tips on how to get through it without going on a brutal murderous spree. Or spontaneously combusting. Though the latter would end my misery so not the worst outcome.

Can you arrange treats for DC that you know your MIL won’t like? Outdoor activities if she dislikes the cold, messy fun if she‘s fussy about mess, long walks on rainy days to jump in puddles? And could you rope in a friend plus DC so you can pretend these were pre-arranged and you can’t disappoint them?
Or could you conceivably bring out a nicer side of MIL by doing something she loves?
Otherwise, you just have the sympathy of all here ...

Oh I LOVE the panto suggestion. I know they can be expensive but SO worth it just because of how much she'll hate it.

Sending you lots of sympathy. I’ve a PITA MIL who used to come to stay for 2/3 weeks at a time. One of her (many, many) issues was my cooking. It was too fancy, too rich, too big, included many things she was “allergic” to and that I was trying to make her ill (she isn’t allergic to anything except perhaps me).

The solution was I told my DH he had to do all the cooking when she came to stay. The result is he doesn’t invite her for more than a week anymore

I suspect that is is more likely that she refuses to be left behind and insists on tagging along whenever the OP takes the dc out

Yeah, I had an adult niece stay with me once for a week who turned out to be like this. Claimed to never have any money on her, either. Found out on Day Six from my dad that he had given her a massive sub for while she was staying here!

I think after three weeks though I'd have said to her that No, I was in need of spending some time alone with my DC. Probably after eight days, actually. It would have been awkward - but from what the OP things are already way beyond that anyway in her home.

(And I never had the niece back to stay ...)

Having to deal with this shit in the middle of a marriage which is already unravelling sounds horrific, OP. Vent away, you poor thing!

Seems more and more appropriate for him to leave with her imo.

Tomorrow, dress both yourself and your DC and have breakfast. As soon as she goes to shower or use the toilet, leave with the DC and go and visit your family (or friends). I’d also stay there until she’s gone.

I agree with REignbow... I was going to say does she never go in the shower or use the loo or have to get dressed? Be up, dressed, ready to go - and as soon as she's "busy" - leg it!

OK, reptile farm today, tomorrow, announce you are taking the children out and before she can complain, tell her your DH is taking her out for the day.

Sound like your marriage is rocky generally. So if you were to divorce would your husband leave your son with her unsupervised, take him to travel to see her and make her a huge part of his life without your ability to interfere? There is something to be said for thinking of the long game on some of these things.

"Look, your son doesn't want to spend anytime with you or he would have taken time off work. You gave birth to him and he can't stand seeing you so why the fuck would you think I want to spend time with you?"

I second the panto idea!!!

God yes, panto every day until she leaves. Warning, your own sanity will be equally compromised.

Protect your friends from racism, don't use them to wind up MIL, they shouldn't be subjected to that.
Turf her out. Or leave. Fuck knows why anyone would put up with someone so bad they can't have them round children unattended.

OP. Pack a day bag tonight with whatever you need for a day out with your dc. What time does your MIL wake up? Get the children up and out to the car a good hour earlier. (Pack clothes and breakfast or eat out). Take them out for a day. Leave a note to say they were all up early and you’ve popped out. Honestly, just do it. My (now ex) MIL was not as overbearing but I felt so claustrophobic when she stayed. Also, you might eat somewhere dodgy tomorrow and get terrible d&v* so your MIL might keep her distance for a little bit?!

• pretend d&v of course

Get a sick bug?!

scant details but:

the bit that makes me think YANBU - 3 week stay, this would grate with most people, it's just too much.

the bit that makes me think YABU - refusal to leave your DC alone with MIL. whatever OP thinks of the woman she's plainly, in the past, had the parenting chops to raise one of more halwfay decent kids, really not fair on her or yourself not to leave her to it occasionally.

So, pack up and take the kids to visit someone far away for at least a few days. Pretend that this has always been the arrangement and act astonished that dh hadn't mentioned to her that you and dcs would be away for x days during her visit. "Oh it's been arranged for ages, did dh really not tell you?"

You know, and dh knows, that it's not true, and you both know why you're doing it.

I'd second leaving for a few days. No good will come of it if you stay.

Alternatively, I think the panto, German Christmas markets (if you're near one?), Dinosaurs? Craft days?

Ask her to leave.

Leave her at the Reptile farm and run!!