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Original poster

How do I survive MIL’s hellish visit?

147 replies

spontaneouscombustionawaits · 02/01/2020 11:03

Help me get through this week. Please. I’m begging you. My MIL is staying with us. I have a week left. I’m broken. She is the most despicable woman. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Awful. I don’t want to go into details. Just want some sisterly support and tips on how to get through it without going on a brutal murderous spree. Or spontaneously combusting. Though the latter would end my misery so not the worst outcome.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 02/01/2020 13:49

Can you start teaching the dc to break dance to loud rap in the living room. If you are worried about swear words, latina rap gets around that problem beautifully and there is lots of it. Then if she disappears to her bedroom, nip out to the shops with the dc while she isnt looking (have bags and coats already to go in the car before you start.). Then just stay out all day and accidentally put your phone on mute

Original poster
spontaneouscombustionawaits · 02/01/2020 13:51

@GiveHerHellFromUs I’d rather not mention where she’s from but not British. But I’ve made several spicy curries and tagines etc since she’s been here to rile her up.

OP posts:
Original poster
spontaneouscombustionawaits · 02/01/2020 13:53

@roisinagusniamh Yes, very racist. So I have invited friends from various parts of the world over several times already, or met up with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
spontaneouscombustionawaits · 02/01/2020 13:55

@urkidding Exactly. Very annoying how easily people put bad behaviour down to culture. However, if I treated her like she treats me it wouldn’t fly. Therefore, not a cultural difference.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2020 13:57

I have to agree with most others that you should either get out of there as much as possible, OR invite as many people over to the house as you can stand, to dilute her awfulness and hopefully driver HER out.

Your H sounds defeated - is she a bitch to him to or just you?

Rollonspringtime2020 · 02/01/2020 13:57

I hope all extra adult activities are off the plate until she has gone.
Tell dh you can't possibly with her under your roof.

thinkingcapon · 02/01/2020 13:58

I'd ask her to leave. It's your house. Do not tolerate this behaviour in your house in front of your kid. Set a precident

Original poster
spontaneouscombustionawaits · 02/01/2020 13:58

@ThumbWitchesAbroad He’s in the FOG and too afraid to come out. And I’m tired to trying to convince him.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/01/2020 13:59

@spontaneouscombustionawaits ah I just meant British/not British anyway Grin

I love that you've done all these things!

Original poster
spontaneouscombustionawaits · 02/01/2020 14:00

@Rollonspringtime2020 We haven’t had sex for months and months on account of our marriage issues. I’ve refused. So no chance he’d be getting any anyway.

OP posts:
Equanimitas · 02/01/2020 14:00

If she's rude to you, be just as rude in response. If she objects, ask her why she behaves that way.

Original poster
spontaneouscombustionawaits · 02/01/2020 14:00

@GiveHerHellFromUs And more! But I’m running out of steam. And my sense of humour.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2020 14:01

Yeah, I can see that it would get really tiresome. Can't help those who won't help themselves!

Keep on what you're doing - sounds like you're almost having fun with it - and hopefully the horrible women will disappear soon enough.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/01/2020 14:01

I think if she's being openly hostile towards you then you don't have to give any excuses. Get the DC ready. Pop them in the car and off you go. You don't need anyone's permission to do that. She's had 3 weeks of seeing them. If you can spend the evening at a friend's or relatives' that seems like a good option because if you are reaching boiling point you could be goaded into an explosion and it will become about your behaviour not hers. If you are not there to goad, she might turn her attention to DH as you've been soaking up the flak so far, then he might get a better insight into how you are feeling.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/01/2020 14:01

womAn, not women.

flouncyfanny · 02/01/2020 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleTinselTown · 02/01/2020 14:16

Take your child and walk out the door.

ilikemethewayiam · 02/01/2020 14:17

I just couldn’t put up with this no matter where she is from. I will not be disrespected in my own home. I would not have her in my house if she treated me that way. (I had to make this ultimatum with my MIL). I would tell your husband that until she learns to treat you with respect she will not be allowed in YOUR house. It is up to your husband then and his response will tell you whether the marriage is over or not. Good luck!

HannaYeah · 02/01/2020 14:21

Is she good at anything? Have any knowledge, interests or skills that she enjoys?

I have a relative that can be so difficult, but I get them talking about their hobbies and interests they are brilliant and really nice.

Like, for example, if she knows how to knit, try getting her to teach your DC at an age appropriate level. Might sound odd, but it could be fun for her and DC to engage in something like this and also distract her from making you miserable.

I’d line up as many things to do as possible for them, but there under your supervision. Get her to teach your DC to cook a dish from her home country or whatever.

Also, do you miss sex with your DH? I find we fight much less when we are putting energy into that and not more. (Sorry, not the advice you were asking! But I’d want to try and get back on the same side with my DH so we could fight the battle together and strengthen on another. And I also think when we couples stop having sex it’s hard on both of us and makes things even worse.)

MumW · 02/01/2020 14:23

She’s incredibly lazy and hates anything foreign (including me). Ideas?
Panto? If she isn't British then she won't understand but the kids will love it BUT you must throw yourself wholeheartedly into the audience participation.
There must be several near you that you really must take her to see. Christmas in the UK isn't Christmas without at least 5 different pantos. Xmas GrinXmas Wink

And from now on, meals as British as they come.
Steak and kidney pie
Fish and chips (preferably wrapped in newspaper)
Shepherds Pie
...

AllideasAndNoAction · 02/01/2020 14:30

Only read the first few posts, but seriously, if you don’t trust the woman to be alone with your child then you shouldn’t be having her to stay for three weeks.

Either you are exaggerating about how awful she is or you are a complete doormat and your husband is an arse for allowing you to be put through this.

averythinline · 02/01/2020 14:33

I would move out/go away with the dc are they back at school next week? Maybe a short break by the seaside sure some haven/butlins are open.. tell your h she's to be gone wen i get back...

Cherrysoup · 02/01/2020 14:37

You have nothing to lose, OP. Big row with her, tell her to fuck off.

WeGoHigher · 02/01/2020 14:38

I'm still wondering how she would prevent you taking your own DC out. Would she actually fight you?

dreamingofmushrooms · 02/01/2020 15:05

I'm still wondering how she would prevent you taking your own DC out. Would she actually fight you?

I suspect that is is more likely that she refuses to be left behind and insists on tagging along whenever the OP takes the dc out.