How do I survive MIL’s hellish visit?

[spontaneouscombustionawaits]

Help me get through this week. Please. I’m begging you. My MIL is staying with us. I have a week left. I’m broken. She is the most despicable woman. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Awful. I don’t want to go into details. Just want some sisterly support and tips on how to get through it without going on a brutal murderous spree. Or spontaneously combusting. Though the latter would end my misery so not the worst outcome.

Ah, bit of a cross-post there.

Looks like you've already seen him for what he is. In which case, I'd take pleasure in giving him hell. He knew what he had to do, and he still chose not to (it absolutely is a choice).

On the plus side, giving him hell might distract you momentarily from the hell she is giving you.

@WhereYouLeftIt You are absolutely right. Only I don’t think I’m interested in going to those lengths. If he can’t manage to do the right thing I see no future for us.

Useful phrases for when she says something awful and you want to pull her up on it, or get your husband to do it:
"Sorry I didn't catch that, can you repeat it?"
"Did you mean that to sound so nasty?"
"Would you mind repeating that so husband can hear what you said?"
Pre warn your husband, when you use either of those phrases you want him to start getting involved.

She’s an expert at playing dumb when caught out. And he’s an expert at pretending he doesn’t know this.

When you say ‘foreign’ - different language? If so, I bet she would simply adore an intensive masterclass in YOUR native spoken language? Would take about a week, full time to become fluent?

(And then if she does ‘go’ for it in the ultimate power play move, you’ve secretly enrolled her for a different language to the one you actually speak all along...)

Tell him supporting his dm over his dw isn't an attractive quality and you fear your growing lack of respect for him will permanently damage your marriage...

Hm...depends on which bit of the country you live in....see, one of my sisters loathes the country so I'd be taking her somewhere with lots and lots of animals and rugged walks that would wear her out (other sister and me really rather like it). And if she wanted to wind me up all she'd need to do is suggest a trip to the Metrocentre or Meadowhall or other large hideous shopping centre...

I suppose there's always making bread or something similar to get a bit of aggression out? Or a kick-boxing class?? Okay. So we've got the reptiles. Great start. What else does she dislike? There are some very good and very noisy movies on at the moment though it does depend on how old your little 'un is and whether you could both cope with that, but at least it would mean a couple of hours of relative peace...

She does sound a charmer mind, as does your husband at this point in time - his mum, surely he should be entertaining her? At least a bit?

Fuck this. If he’s not standing up for you and you don’t trust him enough to leave the kids with him (and her) just take the kids and go somewhere until she’s gone. If you’re thinking of separating then just go

When you say she hates anything 'foreign' where is she from?

If she's English, Indian takeaway for tea tonight.

If she's anything other than English, some classics like fish finger sandwiches, scones, ONLY having English breakfast tea available and a trip to the most English place you can think of within an hours radius (I'm just outside of Birmingham so the Black Country museum would be perfect) are all fun ways of just pissing her off a tiny bit.

When my MIL visits, I go on holiday. DH knows by now that this is the only way.

Take her walking in the beautiful British countryside, swimming, lots of energetic things she will hate. As she’s elderly why not let her meet up with similarly aged people so she can learn more about the culture.... bingo, Pantomine, farm visits .
She’ll be that shattered she’ll be dying to go home for a rest

Is she racist?

I think you should have a discussion with her. Why is everyone assuming that you have to put up with bad behaviour if she's from a different culture?
All cultures have standards of behaviour.

Exactly what would she do if you made moves to leave with DC? Scream and throw herself about? Block the door? Grab him/her/them and engage in a tussle? I'm not trying to be a shit here, just trying to get a picture of what would happen to know what might work.

Is your family near enough that you could simply pack up (you and DC) and decamp to a relative's? A hotel? A campsite in the Himalayas?

If your marriage is really teetering, then who cares if you upset her (or DH) by simply leaving the premises until she's gone? It's what I'd do in a heartbeat, especially if I was on my last nerve in the marriage anyway.

Wait till she's in loo/shower - grab your coat and the kid's and make a run for it. You were only nipping out for a loaf of bread - but you got distracted for the rest of the day! If you're lucky, she might stamp off in a huff.

Make her a cake laced with laxatives, that should keep her away from you for a few hours

^ I like this idea!

Failing I would be creating a family/friend emergency and going to stay with them (an your child) or air bnb, hell even a bloody tent! Life is too short to spend it around toxic people.

yep I think I'd opt for the laxative option too haha - you can run out while she's in the loo :-)

Could you leave with your DC and stay with your parents/friends for a few days? There's no way you should put up with your DH not having your back. I know that school starts again on Monday, but 3 days away with people you want to be around will give you time to take stock of how you feel.

And I don't normally say this, but you should give him an ultimatum, like if his mum doesn't leave pronto, the separation will be permanent. He probably finds it hard to stand up to his mum, but he needs to start acting as an adult in this.

"I've been really selfish monopolising your attention with DC, I think dh deserves some time just with you so I've arranged to take DC to xyz for the day."

If where you are is foreign to her, plan a full week of 'while you're here we simply must see...' local attractions.

If she's lazy, announce that you're taking the children out to somewhere that will require loads of energy, e.g. a theme park. Even if she insists on coming with you, it sounds as if you could just dump her on a seat quite quickly when she can't keep up.

I would say to your DH "I am having the weekend off" and go to your parents, or a friend, or anywhere for a couple of days - taking tour Dc with you if DH cannot be trusted not to leave Dc alone with her.

At this stage you have nothing to lose but your sanity.

Shout "There's a mouse!!" next time you are in her room with her. Or better still supply her with a nice packet of biscuits to have with her cocoa and get an actual mouse. The words "heels" and "dust" spring to mind.....

A friend is unwell and you must go visit and DC has to go with you...

In fact just don't go home after reptile trip and sofa surf for the rest of the week?

@Rollonspringtime2020 I have told him exactly that.