How do I survive MIL’s hellish visit?

[spontaneouscombustionawaits]

Help me get through this week. Please. I’m begging you. My MIL is staying with us. I have a week left. I’m broken. She is the most despicable woman. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Awful. I don’t want to go into details. Just want some sisterly support and tips on how to get through it without going on a brutal murderous spree. Or spontaneously combusting. Though the latter would end my misery so not the worst outcome.

Has she come from abroad? A month long visit otherwise seems totally inexplainable. You deserve a medal. I love my MIL but a whole month of her would end up in disaster.

Can you tell her you and DC have been invited to somethings and have a couple of afternoons out without her eg - a childrens' party or something she would absolutely hate. If I told my MIL that DC and I were going to a mums and babies spa day at a health club she would avoid it like the plague (I don't even know if such things exist- and I would hate to go to one if they do- but it could be mums and baby swimming, baby gym while mums have a treat etc). Or a friend has asked you and DC to her baby shower? Or a friend who lives 50 miles away is having a birthday lunch get together. There must be something you could make up to get out.

Could DH not take her out for a whole day - just the two of them, mum and son time? Shopping, a nice lunch, a walk, a visit to somewhere that is a 50 mile drive.

@Tombliwho Thanks. Though my MIL’s insults way overshadow yours.

Please tell us you will never again agree to such a long visit.

What has she actually done to you?

Bugger soft play. I’ve got a better idea. I’m going to take DS to a reptile farm. He’ll love it but she’ll hate it.

@Bluerussian Oh, don’t worry. Can’t imagine she’ll want to come again anyway. You could cut the air with a knife.

@Rollonspringtime2020 I’m jealous...

Threaten your DH with divorce if he doesn't take your MIL out by himself. She may be here for 3 weeks but you're there the rest of the year.

Invite some friends with children round - lessen her impact.

Cue a serious chat with your dh once she’s gone. She can stay in an Airbnb next time.4 weeks of anyone staying would kill me.

Would she literally cling on to DC if you decided to take him out the door on your own? How would that work with your DH around?

Just trying to picture the scene, really.

Three weeks!!!! Lordy.

I've taken to making up plots for a future best-selling series of crime novels when faced with these kinds of situations/people. (Did you know crime is the best selling and most-borrowed fiction genre? Those romantic types will tell you it's romance, but it's a close-run thing....)

What kind of things does she hate doing? Can't you plan those for the day? Or something where she has to concentrate SO hard she can't make a nuisance of herself?

(No, not passive-aggressive due to previous family situations here AT ALL....)

One word of advice which has helped me with my bitch of a MIL....
Don't rise to any provocation. If she says or does something to wind you up just ignore it as hard as that may be. She would love a reaction, don't let her win!

Ha, have just read the reptile farm comment! Good for you! Tremendous! Butterfly house anywhere near you? How many more days do you have to go?

For the next week arrange to have you and DC out of the house for at least half the day. Do you have friends with DC? Can you fill them in that you need to get away for a few hours with DC? Why can't you do that?

By the way, regardless of what culture is for - it doesn't matter what culture she is. That doesn't excuse someone being horrible to you in your own home. Pull her up on her crap, and tell your DH to deal with her. Also, next time she can stay in a hotel. This would have to be a dealbreaker - your DH should be putting you first, not his mother.

If it's that bad hide laxatives in her food, should give you a couple of hours peace. And threaten your dh with same if he ever does this to you again .

If your dh isn't backing you then I would be telling him to leave with her.
Seriously how can you raise dc to deal effectively with bullying if mil is allowed to make your life hell?

I couldn't stand having anyone to stay for 4 weeks, let alone a mil from hell. Please tell me you've spoken to dh and told him this can never happen again?

Just don't speak to the miserable boot. You say the atmosphere is bad already so how much worse can it get.

When DH mentions her coming back, just say you're disappointed that you wont have a summer holiday, as he wont have any annual leave left after taking it all to look after her.

Your MIL has been there for 3 weeks??? My MIL is lovely, but I can't cope with more than 3 or 4 days with her staying at our house. It's the same where my DM is concerned; we were on holiday with her for a week in a cottage celebrating her 80th and I was tearing my hair out at the end.

You're going to have to put your foot down, OP, it's your house as well as your DH's and he's being completely out of order allowing his mum to stay so long. What does he have to say?

@SmileyGiraffe I’m not! I used to make an effort with her but no more. I don’t even look at her.

@Sindragosan Separation has been spoken about since before her visit. Her trip was already booked so I agreed to go along with it. But I warned him things would not end well for him if he didn’t pull her up on her shit and that her visit could put the nail in the coffin for us. I can see he’s trying. But not hard enough.

And where is your husband in all this? What is he doing to keep her off your back, to give you and his children space from his overbearing mother?

In short - is he reverting to dutiful son, and choosing not to be a supportive husband and protective father?

And if he is - what can you do to ensure he never pulls this crap on you again?

I'd suggest he's failing you because it is easier for him to do so. He is taking the path of least resistance and prioritising himself over you and DC. If he lets his mother do what she wants, he gains her approval and does not expose himself to her insults and temper - no, he delegates you to take it on his behalf [anger].

Your husband needs to behave like one, and tell his mother to show his wife some respect and courtesy or she can be thrown out of your (his and you) house and never welcomed back.

Now, at the moment, he has no incentive to step up. He keeps schtum, she has a go at you and you take it and he's free and clear. So that is a dynamic that has to change. I would suggest stage one is that you give him twice the shit that his mother is giving you, and make it clear that will only stop when he deals with his mother. There will be no peace for him unless there is peace for you. Misery loves company, and the misery she is handing out will be as nothing to the misery that you inflict on him until he reins her in. You will accept no protestations that he cannot do anything, he just has to get on with it.

Seriously. Make it such hell for him that when faced with the choice of dealing with his mother's anger or dealing with yours, dealing with his mother becomes the easier option.

@chocolateteapot20 I did think about channeling my frustrations into something creative. I’m boiling. But for now I have the reptile farm to look forward to. Will have to think of some similarly painful adventures for her. She’s incredibly lazy and hates anything foreign (including me). Ideas?