DH is refusing to buy me medicine

[bloodyperiod1]

DH (as in dickhead right now) is at a mates house 10 mins away, and has refused to buy me paracetamol for my cramps, my period is due next week and I always get these awful cramps before my period. It hurts, I can’t sleep. Kids in bed, corner shop down the road from me and he says I should wait til he gets home, and he doesn’t know when he’s leaving. Shop is closing 11pm. He’s got a car and it will literally take him 2mins to come here. AIBU to think he’s being inconsiderate?

SandyY2K

You are missing the point.
It doesn't matter whether formula for a baby never fed formula before is a good idea. The point is the H turned over and went back to sleep leaving his wife to cope with a hungry, crying baby when he could have gone out to get the formula to at least try a solution to the problem. Instead he went back to sleep and left the OP with no offer of help at all, not even to soothe the baby himself while she went out to buy the formula. And the next day he sulked at her.

You have missed the point in the present incident too. 'Yes she always gets the cramps', and 'no they haven't been this bad before are not mutually exclusive' propositions.

And there you go again, mathanxiety, pretending that people have said the dh was reasonable when they haven’t. Saying that the dw was not necessarily reasonable to have dismissive opinions like yours about anyone’s point of view but her own, and wondering whether it was entirely true that she was in absolute agony and he was only 2 minutes from her front door at the time is not the same thing as saying anyone thinks the dh was reasonable to refuse to help. Are you always so black and white in your thinking? Your conclusion that the dh was probably having an affair to have had his car with him at all is particularly incredible.

Walkaround

I completely agree with everything you said.

And all of those things are more important than the fact that someone is in serious pain and could be helped if he put in a little effort.

Come off it. Pain that you require paracetamol for, but in the absence of said paracetamol you actually manage to go to sleep with is not "serious pain".

Now we have reached the depths of OPs pain is not acute enough to deserve relief.

Walkaround Sat 04-Jan-20 21:37:18

And there you go again, mathanxiety, pretending that people have said the dh was reasonable when they haven’t.

I have?

(That's the only part of your extremely poorly written post I could make head or tail of).

Pain that you require paracetamol for, but in the absence of said paracetamol you actually manage to go to sleep with is not "serious pain".

I managed to fall asleep last night somehow, and woke up today a bit sore doesn't sound like a great night.

The level of pain described by the OP doesn't suit the narrative of a controlling woman (what other kind could there possibly be ) and according to your take on things she is not only controlling but a liar determined to spoil her poor husband's rare night out with mates. And lying here to drum up support, for reasons to do with some imagined serious personality disorder.

(Note how that is not only wildly imaginative but also fits a popular, misogynistic 'poor menz' narrative, whereas questioning why an evening out ten minutes away on foot requires a car and can't possibly be disturbed, with attendant callous disregard of the wife's pain, is dismissed as 'incredible').

Happy New Year math!

Painkillers have always worked on my period pains - paracetamol or nurofen - I'm surprised to hear people say they don't. I've used them since my teens, when they were so bad i would have to come home from school because of them.

And, math, the complete dismissal of period pain as "real" pain - rampant throughout this thread.

Not only have people said the dh was reasonable they also said they would do the same - not just in getting painkillers but in getting formula.

I often wonder what kinds of lives people live. I'd prefer to think they are just keyboard warriors than people so conditioned to accept shit that they are astonished when others don't - that is pretty sad. A lot of the posts on this thread (not just the OP's) are sad.

Emmelina

So your DH didn't think he should leave immediately and buy you paracetamol then as many have suggested.

The response he gave was pretty much what the OPs DH said. That he failed to actually follow through is another issue.

Good to hear that your DH has medication in the car though...at least he's organised.

@mathanxiety

SandyY2K

You are missing the point. It doesn't matter whether formula for a baby never fed formula before is a good idea.

It does matter actually. I've not missed the point, you just have a different opinion.

I wouldn't go out in the middle of the night to get formula that my baby had never tried before.

I used both breast and bottle for my DC and I never allowed formula to get finished and that's a baby who was used to it.

If she wanted to go and buy the milk, she should have got dressed and woken him up to look after the baby.... he doesn't get a choice and she should have gone to buy the formula.

If I knew the petrol station had what I needed for my crying baby, I would go and get it....leaving baby with daddy. I can't see he would get much sleep with a crying baby anyway.

Perhaps I'm just more proactive and independent... I get on with doing what needs doing.

The point of the OP's narrative about the DH turning over and falling asleep, leaving her to deal with the baby and no milk problem isn't whether formula would work or not, SandyY2K.

The issue isn't 'formula, yes or no?'

The DH didn't even offer to hold the baby while she went out to buy formula. He made it clear that he wasn't going to be part of any solution to the problem when he turned over and went back to sleep.

Turning over and going back to sleep is a way of saying, 'This is your problem. You have to deal with it. I can't be arsed.' Selfish and callous and speaking loud and clear.

To you too Apileofballyhoo !

Perhaps I'm just more proactive and independent... I get on with doing what needs doing.

yes you are amazing. A wonderful proactive and independent woman. Go YOU!

What a pity you lack any ability to see a situation from another woman's point of view.

But never mind You Have Paracetemol and Formula in the HOUSE! You don't need a man to behave like a human being. Go you.

Yawn

Regarding the formula which OPs DH refused to go out and buy. How many of us breastfeeding mothers have thought at one point or another in the early days that it was too hard to go on with it? If OPs DH had gone out that night and bought formula for their baby, and then OP continued to use it and stop breastfeeding - what are the chances that it would have somehow ended up being his fault that she stopped???

When it comes to the paracetamol, yes he is an arse for not getting the medicine for his DW. But chances are he was sat with his friend eyerolling about "women's problems" not realising how much pain his DW may have been in

Regarding the formula which OPs DH refused to go out and buy. How many of us breastfeeding mothers have thought at one point or another in the early days that it was too hard to go on with it? If OPs DH had gone out that night and bought formula for their baby, and then OP continued to use it and stop breastfeeding - what are the chances that it would have somehow ended up being his fault that she stopped???

Can you read? She DID go out herself and buy the formula. She didn't blame anyone. HE did. he blamed her - wouldn't talk to her. There are NO chances it would have ended up his fault because the lazy self-obessessed fucker would NEVER have gotten out of his bed to buy formula (or out of his friend's house to get painkillers).

I actually feel like getting a petition going to teach comprehension in UK schools.

Regarding the formula which OPs DH refused to go out and buy. How many of us breastfeeding mothers have thought at one point or another in the early days that it was too hard to go on with it? If OPs DH had gone out that night and bought formula for their baby, and then OP continued to use it and stop breastfeeding - what are the chances that it would have somehow ended up being his fault that she stopped

yes, because obv men can't win, the poor diddums...

When it comes to the paracetamol, yes he is an arse for not getting the medicine for his DW. But chances are he was sat with his friend eyerolling about "women's problems" not realising how much pain his DW may have been in

Because comprehension isn't his strong point?

Or because it's perfectly acceptable for men to mock women, as a form of male bonding, or in order to assert their superiority among themselves, or in order to feel aggrieved about women being pains in the arses women, disturbing a man's night out?

pallisers Yes she did blame him.
To be honest, my DH would have and has done the same. But I'm stubborn and continued breastfeeding. I've fed a fair few babies and it's only been the last 2 that have had any sort of formula, because of FTT/very prem. And it's been MY fault. I know this. Just as it would be MY fault if I needed pain killers and had none in the house (we do always as DH and my older girls use them, though I generally don't). But that's the way life goes.

She blamed him for a night spent dealing with a crying baby who was hungry, while he 'slept for three' when he could have either gone for formula or held the baby while she went?
Rightly or wrongly blamed, in your opinion?

I have breastfed five DCs, the last one supplemented with formula. I don't see the adequate feeding of a baby as in any way a matter of 'fault' or 'blame', or otoh approval or congratulations. I feel very sorry for any woman who feels she is letting down her baby or women in general by formula feeding or feels that feeding her baby (or the way others choose to feed theirs) is a matter for moral judgement. It's not. The only question around feeding is, is the baby thriving on whatever he or she is being given.

And shame on anyone piling guilt on a mother for making any decision wrt feeding the baby.

I still say wrongly blamed, I'm afraid.

I've fed a few more DC, still mixed feeding the youngest. And it has actually been the hardest time. I don't care whether other women breast or bottle feed their DC. It's because of how I feel about me. And I know, in the throws of newborn days with DC1, if my DH had gone to buy formula because I was struggling with the baby one night. Then that would quite likely have tipped me over the edge at an already sensitive time.

So, I would agree entirely with OPs DH that he could get some formula in the morning. But, OP went and got it first. - She could have gone out in the middle of the night, left the baby with dad who wouldn't have had any choice whether to sleep or not (maybe not best idea), she could have taken the baby out in pram or sling for fresh air (which may have been what was needed) and to buy formula.

No feeding shaming coming from me! I've said I don't care how other mums feed their babies. Fed is best.

But you have internalised feeding shaming all the same, HospitalKnickers. If you hadn't, you wouldn't feel you had narrowly escaped some sort of poor decision simply by lucky circumstances.

The OP was told loud and clear by the DH when he turned over to go back to sleep that he was not interested in any solution to the problem of the crying baby, essentially that the baby would have to stay hungry until he could be bothered to do anything about it.