Eating only until tummy is full bollocks

[pjmask]

It's all gone too far. Lunch with dsis, bil and their kids in a local restaurant. Their DC order meals that are clearly going to be far too much just from the description. Before they have even started dsis is reminding them they don't have to eat all of it, or even any of it, just until their tummy tells them they are full.

They eat a very small amount of the most unhealthy, nutritionally void part of the meal then announce they are full. Fine. Then they order puddings five minutes later. I will not let my dc order puddings as they have also not finished their meals parroting "tummy says no" nonsense. I suggest we pop to the supermarket on the way home and get ice cream to enjoy later when tummy is not so full instead of wasting money and food buying puddings for four full children. Get told by bil in a rather patronising way that "in our house we choose not to battle over food"

A. What a total dick he is
B. Telling a child who is full to wait a couple of hours before pudding is not having a "battle" over food
C. They are sadly not the only people I've encountered recently who have over-embraced this mantra. For the record my eldest is 22 and I've never been a "clear your plate" sort of parent. The days of great aunt gertie holding your nose and forcing liver and onions in your mouth are hopefully gone! But there is a balance to be had surely, in teaching children not to overload their plates, over-order and simply to appreciate food (especially meat) and how easily available it is?

Aibu?

YANBU.
Husband's family had food in the middle of the table that all could pick and choose from until they choose to be full.
Generally turns into a "oh no you have the last onion, oh no I insist" crap nightmare.
My family had to eat all the dinner put in front of them and desert was a treat for my sibling. I mostly had to have desert in addition to dinner due to my health condition but only after dinner was eaten.
Husband has absolutely no idea when he's full. Continues to over eat, has a terrible BMI as does his siblings and struggles to measure up portion sizes when serving dinner.
My sibling and cousin (brought up to clear plate) don't over portion, eat a varied and nutritional diet and have healthy BMIs.

I probably wouldn't eat out (or in!) With your in-laws for a few years. Their children's dental bill (and trauma!) Must be horrendous.

YABU. What harm is it doing?

YANBU about being annoyed by the split bill though

If our DC say they are full they can still have pudding. It is served a bit after so room is made. Making kids eat when they don't want to isn't a good idea imho. Plus sometimes DD makes sure she leaves room for pud - she's going to be PM one day she's so wise 😂

I think the issue here is the waste. Do you guys not really eat out much?

@Catsandchardonnay my goodness what a harsh, mean spirited approach. Since when were puddings all about filling you up and not ever seen as a treat. If by your system you need to still be hungry to eat dessert, why not ban desserts full stop and just insist on more main meal.

As children grow up they have vastly different appetites, whilst you can cater for this at home, restaurants can’t so either a children’s meal or an adults. Children’s meals in this country tend to be terrible, chicken nuggets or sausage and chips seems to be the norm, limited choices poor quality and one size fits all, so 3 to 10years (although a very few do now offer small and bigger children’s meals, these are in the minority) so by your standards a meal served to a 10 year old must also be completely finished by a three year old otherwise they can’t have a pudding, ever. Then when a child progresses onto the adult menu as the child portions are now too small, they must eat every but of a full adult meal to qualify for a pudding.

Equally an adult meal must be completely finished by you and DH, even though presumably you have differing calorie intake needs and then perhaps he can have a pudding but not you or you can overeat and consume two full courses and more calories then you need in order to get a pudding.

The poor choice and quality of many children’s meals means that some parents will let their children order from the adult menu, forcing them to finish it all is ridiculous.

@riotlady I think it's about respect and expectations. If people in restaurants choose sensibly sized meals that they will be able to eat, the restaurants can make sensible choices about how much to buy. This leads to less waste. If people in restaurants routinely choose meals they can't eat, that means the restaurant has to buy and cook food that won't be eaten in order to fulfil expectations. It is probably good for children to think about the impact of their decisions on a wider scale, even at such young ages.

Agree about the wonky veg etc. I use Oddbox which aims to tackle this a bit.

Eating out is a leisure activity surely- and having restaurant pudding is a massive part of the treat !
Otherwise what’s the point of eating out ?

I suspect the comment about not making food into a battle was to head off judgy comments from you OP.

We all parent differently, you do yours and let your Sister do hers, your differences don’t mean either one of you is better.

There is also some proper scientific evidence for the 'pudding stomach too'

It's called sensory specific satiety.

Your brain basically goes 'that's enough of that flavour I want something different' even though you haven't filled the physical volume of your stomach completely.

Havn’t you ever left some main course and ordered a pudding?

That isn't what OP said is happening though - leaving a bit. Re-read the opening post. The dc are being told they don't need to eat it, and then picking at the chips . That is very different from being defeated by an oversized pizza, or the garlic bread that came in addition to the lasagne.

You sound like a kill joy, who would want ice cream from the supermarket instead of a dessert in a restaurant? Would you?

Yes. Pretty normal in our family.

You'll probably also love the fact we sometime go via the drive thru McDonalds on the way home for a McFlurry, rather than spending a fiver each on a pudding when out for a meal

YANBU. To those who have chosen to not actually read everything in the post, the DC were told " they don't have to eat all of it, or even any of it, just until their tummy tells them they are full."

That is such a wasteful attitude towards food. Why even take the children out for a meal?. The OP also pointed out that the DC only ate the most unhealthy, nutritionally void part of the meal. Allowing them to eat nothing nutritious and then saying they could have a pudding is really teaching them good habits! Presumably if this happens when they are out then it also happens at home.

They should have had a small piece of everything on the plate.
It is not a bad lesson to teach them on healthier meals at home.
I hated been forced to finish food.
I always eat my favourite part first whereas DP leaves his favourite for last he has issues on and off with weight.

@castoreum - I don't really understand how this works in reality. Restaurants don't tend to have different sized meals. They all tend to be pretty big portions. Childrens meals are often not very inspiring and some children just don't like that type of food. So they choose from the adult menu but there aren't different sized meals so they could choose a 'small' one? I never can eat all of a restaurant meal as many women in particular can't - I've not noticed restaurant meals getting any smaller in response. And why would they when plenty of people can eat the larger meal.

I think it’s wasteful and greedy for them to over order and then not eat and go on to have a pudding.
Parents should have stepped in during the ordering stage and ensured child size portions were requested.

To order expensive sugary puddings for children who have wasted food and money is ridiculous and does not teach a healthy approach to food at all in terms of a balanced diet or in environmental terms.
I really don’t understand how people spent see the link between food, production, waste and the environment.

@UndertheCedartree It works if people order what they can actually eat. This leads to restaurants ordering and cooking what people will actually eat. As I said before, you don't just have to order an adult meal or a child meal. You can order a starter and side, you can ask if you can have a half portion of an adult meal for a child, you can tailor this stuff to what works for you and your family. If everyone did this, there would obv be less waste. Restaurants are catering to what people order. If people ordered what they would and could actually eat, this would be helpful for both restaurants and the planet.

DD is 13 and often gets handed the adult menu. I am fine with her ordering off this but will ask her if she thinks she will eat most of it or not. If not, I will suggest she orders a starter and side to get a sensible amount of food that she actually wants to eat and she often says 'this sounds too big, can I see the kids menu?'

This is a genuine question not me being snarky - surely most restaurants won't let a 14 year old eat off a children's menu?

*13 year old

@castoreum - I suppose it depends on the restaurant - a half portion of the main meal is not often available. I also might not want a starter and side - I might fancy an actual main meal - why shouldn't I be able to order a normal meal because I can't eat their large portions? They must be aware lots of people can't eat them by either the food left or the amount of leftovers boxed up. But they want to sell the bigger meals as they can charge more for them. It would be great if restaurants had more choice for smaller appetites but I don't believe they are not doing it because they think people want huge meals because they order off the actual main menu.

@lisa - the age limit is normally 12. It depends on the restaurant but in the case where it is a bit boring my 12 year old has been ordering from the adult menu for a couple of years because although the size would be ok he doesn't just want plain pasta or pizza.

Yanbu. Food wastage makes me twitchy. I’d be annoyed if someone let their kids order too much food then immediately tell them they only have to eat till tummy says full. Then the pudding thing, then the bill split thing ( after they make the snarky food battle comment)

Castoreum
Restaurants are feeding adults of all ages and sizes and appetites. They are feeding my mum who eats just about enough every day to keep a sparrow going and also my DS who when he was about 15 could eat breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, second dinner, supper and all the leftovers he could lay his hand on, daily. There are people who will polish off a big plate followed by dessert and maybe a McD's burger from the drive thru on the way home, and people who will eat bagged leftovers from one restaurant meal for a whole week. To avoid waste, ask for a doggy bag.

I actually dread going to regular restaurants with the DC because it always ends up so wasteful.Meals out we love going to buffet style places, everyone can eat as much or as little as they want - and if they want fruit and jelly with their nuggets and chips (or healthier dishes!) Then so be it!

"Parents should have stepped in during the ordering stage and ensured child size portions were requested."

I'm sure there are plenty of parenting decisions you make that people say you should have done otherwise.

Likewise environmental decisions.

If you go around saying you should have done this and you should have done that, you'll find yourself very lonely, very quickly.

I get it OP.

My kid isn't allowed to just pick at huge pile of chips/bread, ignore all veg/salad/meat and then claim to be full, either. I'm mean, if a restaurant delivers a plate to the table that has too much of a junky item I know DS will try to fill up on to the detriment of other parts of the meal, i "rebalance" the plate to stop him doing that. This is because he is 2 and doesn't make healthy choices. His palate is driven by evolutionary impulses designed to get him enough calories in a resource constrained environment and it's my job to override that in our obese society where there is too much food available.

Over ordering isn't so bad if you bring the leftovers home for the next day. Also, your a fool for splitting the bill. Just split it up based on what you ordered.

Eating out is a leisure activity surely- and having restaurant pudding is a massive part of the treat ! Otherwise what’s the point of eating out ?

I never really understand why pudding is seen as a ‘treat’, what’s so special about sugary food? Aside from that - if the aim is to treat a couple of young kids who don’t eat a huge amount to a pudding - then surely you ensure they have a small first course? This is not rocket science.

YANBU and anyone who says you are sounds bonkers. I'm guessing they ate the chips and left protein and veg. Not sure it's worth ruining the relationship about but I'd not eat with them again or just go for coffee and cake next time.