Eating only until tummy is full bollocks

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It's all gone too far. Lunch with dsis, bil and their kids in a local restaurant. Their DC order meals that are clearly going to be far too much just from the description. Before they have even started dsis is reminding them they don't have to eat all of it, or even any of it, just until their tummy tells them they are full.

They eat a very small amount of the most unhealthy, nutritionally void part of the meal then announce they are full. Fine. Then they order puddings five minutes later. I will not let my dc order puddings as they have also not finished their meals parroting "tummy says no" nonsense. I suggest we pop to the supermarket on the way home and get ice cream to enjoy later when tummy is not so full instead of wasting money and food buying puddings for four full children. Get told by bil in a rather patronising way that "in our house we choose not to battle over food"

A. What a total dick he is
B. Telling a child who is full to wait a couple of hours before pudding is not having a "battle" over food
C. They are sadly not the only people I've encountered recently who have over-embraced this mantra. For the record my eldest is 22 and I've never been a "clear your plate" sort of parent. The days of great aunt gertie holding your nose and forcing liver and onions in your mouth are hopefully gone! But there is a balance to be had surely, in teaching children not to overload their plates, over-order and simply to appreciate food (especially meat) and how easily available it is?

Aibu?

Fruit and yogurt are nourishing foods.
They should be considered part of the meal which the kids can eat, or not, the same as the rest of it.

This may be the case at home, but let's not pretend that restaurants are serving up a satsuma or a yoghurt as dessert!

Restaurant puddings are usually sugar laden treats, not 'nourishing foods'. Nothing wrong with sugar every now and then, but it's not in the same category as the main meal when it comes to nourishment.

@LittleCandle Nah, I think when someone talks about their own child in such a horrible way, then I can judge them.

Just catching up on all the replies! Interesting to hear such a varied opinion, I can accept I find bil annoying and perhaps that's coloured my view a bit. But I'm really not extreme about food, and I have never encouraged my dc to clear their plates. Just to be mindful about balance in their diet and to learn to make sensible choices of their own. I agree with the principle of listening to your body - but not the over the top way it's sometimes executed in today's world of very passive parenting. I actually thought BIL was completely missing the point

I don't let my children have a pudding unless they've finished the main meal.

I just go by what a very good told me when I was younger (I was his DDs friend and he was like a surrogate Dad to me) - when eating out, I expect you to eat what you take. He meant it in the context of that meal (an all you can eat buffet type place) but I tried to apply it ever since and I was 7 when he said it to me. It’s not about battling over food to me, it’s about not just understanding when you’re full, but using your bodies signals to also understand how hungry you might be, if not too hungry, have a chip butty or something small from the menu, if considerably hungry, order a main meal. I dislike waste as well and to be fair, if I could have gotten away with eating nothing but puddings as a child I’d have done it 😂

Posted too soon! So I’m sure the BIL’s children know they can pretend to be ‘full’ on their main meal so they can get a big dessert afterwards. Fun yes, if it’s only every so often I’d let it go 😊

I don't think yabu. My sister and her two kids came on holiday with us last year and she did similar, constantly ordering them food we knew wouldn't get eaten, buying from the adult menu because the eldest threw a strop she didn't like anything on the kids menu, only for her to eat the chips and leave the rest when there were chips on the kids menu. When the bill came it was always split equally and by the end of the week I was getting frankly pissed off paying for her kids uneaten food. I'd have probably said something too.

I used to work with someone 10?years ago that would always order a filling main course(burger in a bun and chips ) plus side dishes like onion rings and garlic bread. She would eat half the burger and a few bites of the other things. What a waste. Bumped into her over Christmas and let’s just say, I don’t think she just has a few bites anymore!

It does sound like bil is patronising and annoying. To be fair eating out for our family is an exception so although I don't waste food (I take extras home with us) I don't mind having desert even though the meal might not be balanced. I would pay for what I had though not split the bill.

It's possible to have a relaxed attitude to food while making an effort to make sure your kids eat a balanced diet. It's easier at home though because you know your kid's appetite so you can give them quantities they'll eat.

This is a genuine question not me being snarky - surely most restaurants won't let a 14 year old eat off a children's menu?

@LisaSimpsonsbff Yes, they are fine with it. She's quite small and probably doesn't look as old as some 13/14 year olds to be fair.

It's very important to teach children to eat only until their stomach is full. Mine are ravenous before meals and will both now eat the same as me. When we eat out we can't really help the portion sizes. If they can't eat it all, they don't want pudding either.

Adults can order off a children’s menu. You get what you pay for.

Unless it's a buffet restaurant of course adults can order whatever they like, meals are priced according to size. Suggested ages are usually guidelines for portion size

OP my very active ADHD 8yo can easily eat the same amount as me, and gets hangry if his blood sugar drops too low. He knows when he's full though, and will get down at home, or not order pudding if we're out.

@Greenpop21 - lots of children's menus specify for under 12s

Never had a problem with teen DC up to 16 ish.

This is a genuine question not me being snarky - surely most restaurants won't let a 14 year old eat off a children's menu?

Most places here tend to have a smaller portion menu rather than specifying children. Often it’s the same as the main menu but there are other meals that are probably more targeted towards younger eaters. No age restrictions though.

No more meals out with them then!!! They sound a little irritating, but their kids, their neuroses, not your issue. Being preached at by a smug twat then subsidising their poor choices is very annoying though!!!!

Receptacle it's one meal. My DC can eat as much or as little as they want in a restaurant and still order pudding. It should be a fun afternoon/evening out for everyone, not just the adults.

I think navisprite has good advice. Of course you shouldn't force anyone to eat if they aren't hungry but choosing what to eat according to how hungry you are is important. If the kids are only going to eat chips and a dessert then only order chips and a dessert.

YANBU, that is ridiculous pandering to small children in that way and the waste of almost full meals is disgraceful. It is not battling over food or going to give a child food issues by being matter of fact and telling them that if they are too full to eat a proper meal they don’t get pudding. Most small kids would dick around with a proper meal if they thought by just arsing around with it they’d get an ice cream. I can’t believe some if the replies you’ve had.

YABU. Their wording sounds irritating and twee but actually eating until your satisfied rather than to the portion size you are given is advised by 'proper' nutritionists and dietitians. As an adult I don't necessarily finish my meal as I realise if I eat it all I'll be stuffed. I might choose to leave some and then choose to have dessert. For enjoyment of the meal It's different when you are out as you have less control over the size of the meal that arrives. Clearly at home I'll choose my own portion sizes. Of course if your bil/sil are encouraging over ordering and a blatent waste that's a different issue to eating to the point of satiety. If my kids eat meals, what they need, over a few days eat a range of foods and in general aren't hungry until next meal etc I know all doing ok (isn't always that simple!). I'd be annoyed at blatent wastefulness ie ordering something that isn't wanted in the first place but couldn't get het up on one meal out. In general though sounds like they get on your nerves 😂

Their wording sounds irritating and twee but actually eating until your satisfied rather than to the portion size you are given is advised by 'proper' nutritionists and dietitians

Would many dietitians suggest that it’s good to eat 3 chips off a plateful of food that included a burger and salad and then a full ice cream sundae? Certainly not any that I’ve come across.

Precisely. There is a world of difference between eating a reasonable amount of nutritious food until full (but not finishing the whole plate) then finding some space for a small pudding, and eating a couple of chips then going straight for dessert.

"hey eat a very small amount of the most unhealthy, nutritionally void part of the meal then announce they are full. Fine. Then they order puddings five minutes later. "

That's called saving up for pudding. It's a crucial life skill.