To ask how you got your DC to walk rather than use the buggy? *Potential autism*

[Alexandra80]

Back story; DS is 2 and a bit. He has suspected autism and is on the list for an assessment. He's delayed socially and a little physically. I.e.didn't walk until 22 months. His speech is very behind. He has a few word approximations but generally his understanding is quite limited and its hard to get him to understand tasks or suggestions. We're obviously working on all that with speech therapy and the like.

He's a lovely happy little boy. Until it comes to walking anywhere. He loves to be active but he will NOT hold hands. We're trying reins too and it's fine until he wants to go in another direction. He also has no sense of danger so if it was up to him he'd wander into bodies of water, nettles, the road... Everything. Today we took him for a walk as we're trying to help get him used to walking along with us instead of tbe pushchair and he tried to kneel in a deep puddle and splash his face with the water and had a meltdown over not being allowed to. And obviously he can't understand the reason or where we're trying to go. I thought it would be OK because he could kind of run around safely but there's nowhere that's 100% free of danger. Once he's set off that's game over as he's so worked up so we went home after 3 mins of getting to this place we were going to walk around. I had a little cry in the car on the way back. Pathetic I know but wtf do we do? Do we accept he just isn't able to understand what's required of him to do it yet and wait for his language/understanding to improve or keep pushing?

(I have a 9yr old DS who loved to bolt and thought I knew what I was doing but I'm at a total loss and Google is useless on the subject).

I'm only concerned because I know the exercise and being outdoors is important and I don't want to limit his world and his experiences just because he's a little behind if that makes sense.

Indoor shopping centres a good, safe place to ‘train’ children, as there’s no busy roads they can run into.

Can you take the pushchair and get him to hold onto it? Or use reins? Either the wrist reins or one attached to rucksac?

We could try that. We have the backpack reins and are trying to use it but as soon as he wants to go somewhere else it's tantrum central and he ends up in the pushchair. He won't hold on to the pushchair as he doesn't understand the instruction to even if I model it for him etc.

To be fair, his behaviour on the walk sounds fairly age typical In my experience. So I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily due to any SEN. My nearly 3 yr old fully understands when I tell her not to do things but if she fancies it she doesn’t care and will do it anyway 🤷‍♀️

He doesn't walk either. Just runs. I'm just hoping in time he slows down because the novelty wears off.

Yeah I had similar with my first but it was a lot easier because he understood what the expectation was roughly even if he totally ignored it. And he had tantrums but not meltdowns. Thanks for the reply.

Honestly, this all sounds really normal. DS was almost 3 before he could be trusted to reliably walk sensibly holding my hand.
I used reins or his buggy until then. If he had a tantrum I just dealt with it by ignoring, comforting or going home depending what was causing the tantrum etc.

My now 5 year old was exactly the same at that age, no special needs just "contrary". I generally kept him in the buggy unless in a contained space (park or shopping centre). And carried a change of clothes for when he threw himself in puddles! He has grown out of it now.

Yeah we can't ignore it. He gets so worked up he voms sometimes and it goes on for about 30/40 mins which we ignore. We just leave.

I'm not saying it's down to his potential asd but the non verbal element just makes it extra awkward.

I'm only concerned because I know the exercise and being outdoors is important and I don't want to limit his world and his experiences just because he's a little behind if that makes sense

I think you just have to parent the child you have with the best tools at your disposal. Don't worry about limiting him in this aspect as keeping him safe is more important.
don't be hard on yourself

I'm just gonna give up for now. Its awkward because he's huge and maybe needs a bigger buggy.

There was a non-verbal autistic child at DD's nursery. He had no sense of danger (would run into the road without a thought) so they used the backpack reins. I don't remember him having meltdowns at having to wear them, but he was 4.

Are there any parks near you with gates to get in and out? Several round where I live have heavy gate which your DS probably could open if he tried, but if you were near them, you could catch him before he got out. He could run round inside the playground, or would that not work for him?

I have a 3 and a half year old, he's being assessed for autism.

You have literally explained what he does.

Autistic /delayed children need more time, they're brains work differently to ours.

I would wait until he has the understanding as until he can understand, your going to cause stressful situations for him and yourself and potentially make him hate going out and doing stuff.

My sons pushchair is his safe place. It's a place he goes to when he is overwhelmed and unable to cope with a situation when we are out.

Advice from me is to stop forcing him to walk, he hasn't been walking long, he needs more time! It's so tiring for them too!

Lying on the ground screaming or running full tilt towards traffic were his specialities...

Thank you. I think we do just have to wait a bit. And ignore all the twats that think because he's tall he's older and we're just lazy not letting him walk etc

What methods are you using to help him understand?

I can recommend the silver cross zest for a bigger toddler. DS is almost 3.5 is 75% centile and could probably still fit in it if needed. He certainly used it up until he was 3 quite regularly.

Yes agree with PP. Autistic or not, wait til he is ready and don't worry about whether he "should" be walking somewhere. I got judgy looks for having nearly 4 year old in buggy but it's better than having to manage a large screaming child who refuses to hold your hand. Especially if you have other kids to worry about too.

bathor they just removed the fence at our local park to make it more aesthetically pleasing. Very annoying. But we can try another one a but further away.

Doodle thank you. I think that's right. It is just a bit much for him yet. He loooooves to be let out but just can't understand why we won't let him run into traffic or the canal he'll get there.

Toominty that was my eldest to a T!

Yeah we can't ignore it. He gets so worked up he voms sometimes and it goes on for about 30/40 mins which we ignore. We just leave.

I don't understand this bit.

We used to say that if they ran off, then they would have to go back into the pushchair (and made sure we put him in, if ran off).

Getting used to ignoring twats is a valuable life skill if you have DC with autism. Give them a hard stare

prettypurse we do some makaton although it's not clear yet if thats totally working for him. We also have a specific one of his PEC cards and we just point to where we're going and talk about it too. He doesn't follow our fingers of we point or anything but it's worth trying!

Thanks I'll check that out!

One of the biggest reliefs I’m getting a diagnosis is finally feeling free to parent how this child needs, not how people
Tell you to.

For now, I would just accept the buggy for getting from point a to point b. Use the buggy to get to the middle of the park or playground, far from the cars and other dangers and them let him run.

For exercise just now try soft plays, museums, shopping centres etc Or swimming, he can walk around in the baby pool which is great exercise.