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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you got your DC to walk rather than use the buggy? *Potential autism*

132 replies

Alexandra80 · 01/01/2020 17:05

Back story; DS is 2 and a bit. He has suspected autism and is on the list for an assessment. He's delayed socially and a little physically. I.e.didn't walk until 22 months. His speech is very behind. He has a few word approximations but generally his understanding is quite limited and its hard to get him to understand tasks or suggestions. We're obviously working on all that with speech therapy and the like.

He's a lovely happy little boy. Until it comes to walking anywhere. He loves to be active but he will NOT hold hands. We're trying reins too and it's fine until he wants to go in another direction. He also has no sense of danger so if it was up to him he'd wander into bodies of water, nettles, the road... Everything. Today we took him for a walk as we're trying to help get him used to walking along with us instead of tbe pushchair and he tried to kneel in a deep puddle and splash his face with the water and had a meltdown over not being allowed to. And obviously he can't understand the reason or where we're trying to go. I thought it would be OK because he could kind of run around safely but there's nowhere that's 100% free of danger. Once he's set off that's game over as he's so worked up so we went home after 3 mins of getting to this place we were going to walk around. I had a little cry in the car on the way back. Pathetic I know but wtf do we do? Do we accept he just isn't able to understand what's required of him to do it yet and wait for his language/understanding to improve or keep pushing?

(I have a 9yr old DS who loved to bolt and thought I knew what I was doing but I'm at a total loss and Google is useless on the subject).

OP posts:
BenjiB · 01/01/2020 21:22

My autistic son showed no inclination to walk until he was 4. You’ll have to take his lead and if he does have autism you’ll be doing that a lot.

SinkGirl · 01/01/2020 21:27

To be fair my two will sometimes walk at the park or wherever but then other times they’ll just refuse. DT1 is in a walking refusal stage right now, so the buggy has to come everywhere. Other times DH and I have taken them to the park without the buggy and they’ve been fine with a bit of carrying, but my back is knackered so can’t really do that right now.

wishing4sun · 01/01/2020 21:30

My son hated walking anywhere, In the end I got him a dolls buggy to push that he choose. Worked a treat.

NurseP · 01/01/2020 21:40

Another one with a giant 4 year old here! GrinWe have the maclaren major push chair. My son is physically able but mentally very delayed, no danger awareness , very little speech and he loves to run and roll around in puddles. He gets plenty of outside play at school and at weekends Iin the garden or park. The pushchair makes my life easier and keeps my child safe, so, honestly, I use it without hesitation. Many children use it as their safe space as well.

Original poster
Alexandra80 · 01/01/2020 21:45

Benji to be fair we follow his lead on everything else. This is just one of those things where I was starting to worry about the exercise side of things and making sure we're not doing the wrong thing.

There's a lot of things where we have to really fight his corner for him. Like people trying to get him to say hello and getting up in his face, or people suggesting we forcibly stop him 'stimming' even though it seems to be self soothing for him. So much crap. So we're getting good at politely telling people to bugger off and just letting him do things the way he find easiest Smile

OP posts:
soouting · 01/01/2020 21:49

I haven't read the full thread but just wanted to say don't worry about other people judging.
My son has asd and is still exactly like your son at 71/2 yrs old. He's in a Maclean major elite and as a poster up thread said perfect your hard stare.
He has meltdowns when he walks it gets easier but harder just do what is easiest for you and you ds

PumpkinP · 01/01/2020 21:49

As someone who has 4 kids tbh it does sound normal to me, autism or not. My 2.5 year old is the same. Can’t take her anywhere without the pram as it’s too difficult. No sen. I do have an older child with asd but I’m having the opposite problem that I feel I’m having to keep dd in the pram for longer than I probably would as I’m not sure how I will manage both out and about because of my older dd.

Littlecaf · 01/01/2020 22:17

I had to teach both my DS to walk on the pavement. No SEN. They didn’t really get it until after 3. They have no concept of safety at 2, it has to be taught a bit like potty training or riding a bike. Although my younger one picked it up much quicker as he was copying the older one. It’s practise. Maybe try little an often. And lots of children are in buggies until after 3.

MrsBobDylan · 01/01/2020 22:51

My ds got a McClaren Major from 'Wheelchair Services' via the County Council at 3. He felt safe in his pushchair and refused to walk anywhere without it.

He chose to stop using it when he was 7/8ish. He is 10 now and we have just got a blue badge because he remains a liability around cars and is also terrified of getting lost if we don't park right next to the door.

People who don't have an SEN child don't really understand and think that at 2, all children display the same lack of understanding and dangerous behaviours. I decided to put on a vague smile and ignore, ignore, ignore the parenting tips that came my way.

I have the most hilarious dc in the world and I genuinely love how outrageous he is and how people do a double take when they see him. I am very proud of him.

Angharad07 · 01/01/2020 22:51

I don’t understand why anyone feels the need to judge someone for putting an older child in a pram? It affects no one but the family. As I don’t drive I intend to keep the pram until my son is 4. We live a mile from the nearest train station and a 2 mile walk from the shops. I’d never get anywhere without the pram as he can’t walk at my speeding pace and I really don’t have the time for toddler speed.

People need to mind their own business in life, op. Do what you need to do. I’d also recommend the SilverCross Reflex pram. It holds up to 25kg and the seat is quite long so your boy will look smaller in it so people won’t notice as much. You can hang bags off it and it won’t tip over, even without the child in it. My 1 year old looks too small for it!

Good luck with everything x

Original poster
Alexandra80 · 01/01/2020 23:03

Mrs Bob dylan he sounds lovely Smile DS is very affectionate and happy. Always vocally stimming. (it's what threw us off for ages because all I knew of asd was the stereotype of not wanting to be touched etc or constant meltdowns).

OP posts:
Original poster
Alexandra80 · 01/01/2020 23:05

I've added all the suggested pushchairs to a list to look at when he out grows his little fold up which will be very soon! Thanks

OP posts:
Embracelife · 01/01/2020 23:13

Get a larger buggy eg McLaren major (I dont know if these are still provided by nhs?) As it will be useful later eg airports holidays to keep him contained.
Keep with the PECs and using pictures to show where you going and schedules .

.also look at ipad communication apps. Like grid and proloquo a speech therapist can advise

If he just started walking remember he s a few months behind . Find safe places to practise.

hazeyjane · 01/01/2020 23:15

Just to add the reasons my ds sometimes needs a buggy....

-To be safe
-As a 'safe space' when overwhelmed
-When he becomes an immovable object
-When we are out as a family and we want/need to something that he does not want to do

He also has physical issues that necessitate some form of mobility support - low muscle tone, stiffness and pain in his legs, chronic stomach pains, extreme tiredness, suspected seizures.

In these circumstances, getting from A-B safely and with as little stress as possible is the aim, and not necessarily the best time for exercise (in my opinion.)

We still get judged for using a buggy. It's shite.

MillicentMartha · 01/01/2020 23:29

Came on to suggest the Maclaren Major buggy, but see it’s already been suggested. It goes up until an average 8yo and has the advantage of looking big enough that most intelligent people realise it’s an SN buggy and comment less. There’s always one though... Hmm

DS2 (ASD) was happy with a buggy board from 3 and I had DS3 (NT) in the buggy. I needed harness reins as well as the buggy board as DS2 was a bolter.

DecemberSnow · 01/01/2020 23:33

Inside shopping centres...
Soft play areas for toddlers...
Large flat green areas, Put him in a all in one splash suit. With gloves and let him run...

He really hasn't been walking that long and a 2 year old doesn't have understanding of danger at that age.
Melt down and frustration is very common.

Even if he is on the spectrum, alot of his behaviour is also normal

PickAChew · 01/01/2020 23:39

No one should bat an eyelid at a child of 2 in a buggy. If autism is suspected, take it slow. DS1 has d had enough and was walking well by 3, Ds2 took until he was 6.

Awkward1 · 01/01/2020 23:45

Dc2 is a bolter. Also has adhd/asd traits. So would never hold hands etc.
She has been in pushchair right up to 4yo. Because she also gets very tired (due to the running off/around). Is also 98-91st centile but still just about fitted the Lightweight pushchair till 4yo.
I agree with the PP just ignore any judgement. He is only 2! They cannot possibly walk everywhere (if say you didnt have a car).
Dc2 also prone to very long tantrums (up to an hour). Sometimes no choice but to ignore as we've been in the car.

I just wouldn't worry especially if he's outside at nursery.

Worst with dc2 was that she'd be fine and playing then disappear

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 01/01/2020 23:52

Definitely look for local parent with kids with additional needs groups. Don’t go by NT milestone ages or take most NT parental advice.

Original poster
Alexandra80 · 02/01/2020 00:27

tomorrow I joined the nurturing nuerodiversity group on fb which is great. I'm hoping to find a local group that's similar and not too negative about it all. He's on his own path and all that Smile

Awkward & hazy I feel you! It's just not worth it sometimes either.

OP posts:
MamToTeens · 02/01/2020 00:33

Just force him to walk. I have an ASD child, when she was 2 we had a new baby so she had to be on reins. She learned quickly that if she didn’t want to be on reins she had to behave.

PumpkinP · 02/01/2020 00:39

Sadly people DO judge children 2+ in a buggy, I’ve heard comments about my dd in the buggy still by strangers!

Original poster
Alexandra80 · 02/01/2020 00:42

mam how old was she when she started walking?

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 02/01/2020 06:26

Just force him to walk.
Absolutely cracking advice, well done.
I have an ASD child..
You have your child - who is going to be completely different to the OP's.

SinkGirl · 02/01/2020 06:42

Just force him to walk. I have an ASD child, when she was 2 we had a new baby so she had to be on reins. She learned quickly that if she didn’t want to be on reins she had to behave.

Did I honestly just read this?

Please do explain to me how you’d get a child with no understanding to understand this?