To ask how you got your DC to walk rather than use the buggy? *Potential autism*

[Alexandra80]

Back story; DS is 2 and a bit. He has suspected autism and is on the list for an assessment. He's delayed socially and a little physically. I.e.didn't walk until 22 months. His speech is very behind. He has a few word approximations but generally his understanding is quite limited and its hard to get him to understand tasks or suggestions. We're obviously working on all that with speech therapy and the like.

He's a lovely happy little boy. Until it comes to walking anywhere. He loves to be active but he will NOT hold hands. We're trying reins too and it's fine until he wants to go in another direction. He also has no sense of danger so if it was up to him he'd wander into bodies of water, nettles, the road... Everything. Today we took him for a walk as we're trying to help get him used to walking along with us instead of tbe pushchair and he tried to kneel in a deep puddle and splash his face with the water and had a meltdown over not being allowed to. And obviously he can't understand the reason or where we're trying to go. I thought it would be OK because he could kind of run around safely but there's nowhere that's 100% free of danger. Once he's set off that's game over as he's so worked up so we went home after 3 mins of getting to this place we were going to walk around. I had a little cry in the car on the way back. Pathetic I know but wtf do we do? Do we accept he just isn't able to understand what's required of him to do it yet and wait for his language/understanding to improve or keep pushing?

(I have a 9yr old DS who loved to bolt and thought I knew what I was doing but I'm at a total loss and Google is useless on the subject).

I have a non verbal autistic 7 year old. No sense of danger. At age two it was the same so I just used the buggy, no biggie.
No he walks well with me and holds my hand so we're ok. It's taken a while though. I also carried him a lot til last year (now got muscles of steel!). Got many a dirty look from people who thought I shouldn't carry a 4/5/6 year old but I didn't care. I'd still carry him now if he wanted (he has a developmental age of 18 months / 2) but he is happy to walk now.

@MamToTeens
I think you’ll find that most people have tried just that

Please do explain to me how you’d get a child with no understanding to understand this?

Have you tried "force", Sink? It's a revolutionary new method don't you know, along with "Just telling them they are walking". Works with all children. Fact.

"Just force him to walk. I have an ASD child,"

I have a teenager who has ASD. He has a wheelchair for times when he is not able to cope with walking. 'Forcing'a child with ASD to walk when they are communicating they are unable to cope with it, is in my opinion, abusive.

My DS has hearing loss so was very much the same at that age with limited understanding. What I did was took him to a parkland area (or the beach or your own garden whatever works for you) and taught him fast and slow. By saying we're going to go FAST and running a bit together. Then let's go slooooow and walking like we were on the moon. He found it really fun and it was so amazingly useful for teaching him how to walk when out and about. I added ready, set, go and STOP after a bit too.

If you want a buggy that will work with bigger kids, the City Mini GT is excellent. My 3.5 yr old still naps in his sometimes, and my 6 yr old still occasionally climbs in for a ride if she's tired and we have it out and about. We'll still take the buggy out with us if there's a likelihood the youngest will get tired legs, or if I need to march somewhere at my pace (not 3yr old pace).

I absolutely wouldn't stress about trying to go without the buggy.

DS is 3.5yrs now and has some global delay. We got him a little scooter last year, not great for my back but with the speed, and him holding on to the handlebars (plus the reins) it worked quite well. He’s still reluctant to walk distances and I often end up carrying him part way on the very short walk to school but it’s slowly improving. Give it time and do it at your pace.

I think you just have to parent the child you have with the best tools at your disposal.

I love this. I shall be stealing it, for future use.

I don’t have an autistic child but mine have some anxiety and with hindsight their long standing pushchair attachment was probably related to that.

We used it daily until they were aged 5 including on the school run to reception class. Nothing bad happened.
OP don’t let judgy fuckers make you do things differently, just for the JF’s sake. They’ll just move on to JFing something else about you because that’s how it works.
Getting through the day safely and as least stressfully for all of you is a very important and healthy thing to aim for.

So many replies from people who seem to have no understanding of autism, or that autism is a spectrum

OP I would stick with the buggy until his understanding is there. Ignore any judgey fuckers. You will feel so much better when you stop worrying about what he should be doing by now.

I couldn't force DS to walk even if I wanted to. I already posted about how disastrous these mini walk/runabouts end up and how distressed he becomes.

I guess just occasionally testing the water is the way to go and thinking of a good thing to say to people who are being judgy (not to appease them but to let them know its rude af)

Another pushchair for the list, thanks

It's so reassuring to hear about other's DCs on the spectrum or otherwise a bit behind. I know the language is frowned upon now but DS has a mental age/developmental age of about 13-14 months. His initial assessment with the pediatrics put almost all his skills at around that NT age. So it is a bit like having a very tall, very fast, very strong 13 month old.

Just force him to walk. I have an ASD child, when she was 2 we had a new baby so she had to be on reins. She learned quickly that if she didn’t want to be on reins she had to behave.

Good for you, here's your gold shiny

However all children are individuals and what works for one won't necessarily work for another, this is even more true when a child is not neurotypical. One of my autistic children was reliably walking on reins by the age of two for short to mid-range journeys with the pushchair for longer trips then he was completely out of the pushchair by age three. My other autistic child was still in the pushchair almost all of the time at age three because he would not walk anywhere. If we attempted to get him to walk he would lie down on the pavement, even in the rain and snow, close his eyes and ignore us. Nothing would make him get up. So we used the pushchair, I'm busy and I have shit to get done, I don't have hours free to spend next to a lying down child who won't walk. By age four he was only using it for longer journeys, now at age five he will sometimes have a little ride in his younger siblings pushchair if he's tired.

Autistic children quite often have co-morbities such as developmental delay, hypermobility, or dyspraxia that make walking harder work, more difficult to coordinate, and more tiring.

Out n about nipper is a good option too. Mt nt 6 year old climbs in when tired sometimes and still fits.

I know the language is frowned upon now but DS has a mental age/developmental age of about 13-14 months. His initial assessment with the pediatrics put almost all his skills at around that NT age. So it is a bit like having a very tall, very fast, very strong 13 month old.

My eldest is chronologically 10yo but has cognitively is on par with your average 5-6yo. He does not always act in age appropriate ways and people can be judgemental about it because they don't understand.

Just remember it is not your job to educate these people, Google exists if they want to learn and your son is not a teaching tool. Their judging says far more about them and their narrow views than it does about you and your son. And there will be times when you feel like you're parenting wrong because you're not parenting in the way you would parent a NT child, try not to worry about it and do what works best for him.

Hoho I do think his global delay plays a part too. Like you say, no 2 kids in the spectrum are the same. What works for one won't work for another. DS does the same thing if he doesn't just have a loud meltdown instead and I've got an older DS to think about too. I need to be able to split my attention and energy especially as I don't want older ds to feel left out just because he's older and more self sufficient. Iyswim.

Just force him to walk. I have an ASD child, when she was 2 we had a new baby so she had to be on reins. She learned quickly that if she didn’t want to be on reins she had to behave.

Fucks sake. So your evidence of "force" working on every single child is based on one child with ASD? Congratulations. That's the most ridiculous thing I've seen on here yet.

OP it takes time, it takes practise and it takes thick skin; if it works better for him to be in the pushchair for longer than you'd planned/hoped, that's fine. Do whatever works for you and stresses your family out least. Fuck what others think "should" be happening.

Thanks Hoho

At the moment if anyone beyond immediate family/friends has asked I've just called it a global delay but not said much beyond that. I don't have the energy for starters and that's basic enough to explain that he's not being rude of he doesn't respond to hello/goodbye or general talking aimed at him. But with strangers I don't feel it's my job to educate them. I think the pushchair thing is different because I guess as he's getting older some of his behaviours & needs are more obviously not age-typical and not NT and the pushchair thing is the first thing we've had quite rude comments on already. Time to develop an even thicker skin!

I've got an older DS to think about too. I need to be able to split my attention and energy especially as I don't want older ds to feel left out just because he's older and more self sufficient. Iyswim.

I know exactly what you mean. I have two other DC who aren't autistic and I have to balance the needs if all four.

Path of least resistance and picking my battles is what works for me, people will always have an opinion on the things I'm doing "wrong" but the older I get the less I care

hoho very true

Thanks fudge

As far as dealing with nasty comments go, nasty adults obviously aren’t worth your time.

If your kids’ peers are curious and ask you about it, I learnt from posters on here that responding with a big smile and ‘I know, aren’t they lucky!’ if asked why your children are ‘still’ in the pushchair works very well. Many kids wish they could use a pushchair too.

I hope it's OK to post on here when my child is NT. I used to look after children and teens with SEN but I know it isn't the same when you can send them back to their parents every weekend.

OP, whatever you decide, please try to remember that anyone judging you for the ways in which you're helping your autistic child is ignorant. Their opinion is irrelevant.

You sound like a loving and wise parent, and your son is lucky to have you.

My Autistic DD was in a buggy until 4.

I was told by the Alderhey Delayed Developmental team to treat her as her developmental age, not her actual age.

So I wouldn't push him into walking.

My DD is physically active and has completed a mainstream college qualification and works.

There's times to push them on and times you work with them.

You're going to have to get a thick skin very quickly.

ponoka I'm aware thanks working on it.

That is good advice though. We generally do go by his developmental stage anyway