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Original poster

Need opinions please! Was I rude?

418 replies

savethatkitty01 · 01/01/2020 05:28

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 01/01/2020 10:27

Yeah you really messed that up.

Survivingchipandkippee · 01/01/2020 10:27

I think you know the answer op!

JustOneSquareofDarkChocolate · 01/01/2020 10:31

I feel really sorry for your friend. I have been that friend sat at home waiting to hear back from someone. You said you'd get back to her. You didn't. Please apologise to her and be kind.

Bunnyfuller · 01/01/2020 10:31

I’m guessing the OP’s ‘not sure, I will get back to you’ actually meant ‘oh shit, I don’t actually want you to come, I will vague news it and hopefully she’ll take the hint’.

OP, people eventually catch onto you not being up front with them, and it feels far worse than if you had up front just made it clear you had plans with another couple. To throw a crumb at someone who is likely alone on a day which is difficult for many people anyway, is a pretty shabby way to treat someone.

pictish · 01/01/2020 10:32

I think I agree with you hairydog.

This was not an intentional or ongoing slight as the arrangement was casual to be fair...but to neglect to send a final text either way, after the enquiry had been made, was inconsiderate. OP must have had an inkling that her pal was alone. She wouldn’t have been free to tag along to the fireworks otherwise would she?

So yes the arrangement was loose and no, no promises were made. The OP hasn’t gone back on her word as such...but she has inadvertently made her pal aware that she didn’t even factor sufficiently to warrant a thought. Not intentionally rude perhaps...but still pretty bald.

ClairesKimono · 01/01/2020 10:32

Yup. Really bloody rude.

Shedidnt · 01/01/2020 10:32

Couples don't like the single friend joining them for some reason. No idea why.

SallyWD · 01/01/2020 10:32

Yes you were rude. She clearly believed you'd invited her to a NYE event when actually you didn't intend for her to come at all. You just left her hanging. I don't know why on earth you'd issue this invitation if you really weren't bothered about seeing her. She could have made other plans but instead was waiting to hear from you.

iMatter · 01/01/2020 10:33

I agree with others.

That was really shitty.

CtrlU · 01/01/2020 10:34

What I’m not understanding is why your friend didn’t make other plans if she haven’t heard back from you regarding the fireworks.

Then to get snarky because she sat in all evening ??

Doesn’t she have other friends OP ?

You didn’t plan anything with her and you made it clear your spending NYE woth outbof town friends.

ChristmasCroissant · 01/01/2020 10:34

I also think this is a reverse.

Unreasonable to leave her waiting for a response, but I think the friend was slightly unreasonable to not speak to you earlier on NYE but wait until the situation was irretrievable, which didn't give the OP any options either then, that could be manipulative. Fault on both sides.

CtrlU · 01/01/2020 10:35

NYE With out of town friends* ^

PixieDustt · 01/01/2020 10:35

Really rude and I bet you did go to the fireworks but didn't want to write that on here. You never wanted her to go from the start but you strung her along for a laugh. You're a shitty person.

Groovee · 01/01/2020 10:35

Loose end to me sounds like an invite. She's tried to ask you again and you didn't bother to respond.

beautifulstranger101 · 01/01/2020 10:36

Couples don't like the single friend joining them for some reason. No idea why

Its weird isn't it? I have been excluded from things when I was single, and as soon as I was coupled up all the invites from certain people started coming in.

Its baffling to me- my dear friends are my dear friends and I love them- I couldn't give a toss if they are in a relationship or not and I can't imagine thinking "I'm not inviting her out- she's......SINGLE!"
Such a shame.

Newbie1981 · 01/01/2020 10:36

Worse that ride. Really cruel! You don't deserve friends

Newbie1981 · 01/01/2020 10:37

Worse that RUDE ,Really cruel! You don't deserve friends

LazyDaisey · 01/01/2020 10:37

It really depends on the conversation they were having. Her friend could have made her extremely uncomfortable and got herself invited when the OP was clearly uncomfortable... we’ve all been there.

F1: What are you doing for NYE
OP: Oh x and y are from z are coming to ours.
F1: that sounds lovely. I don’t have anything to do. Probably will be sitting at home feeling like a loser with no friends. Big sigh, long expectant pause.
OP: oh well we might go see the fireworks later so if you’re at a loose end...

Friend 1 latches on and pesters for details.

KidCaneGoat · 01/01/2020 10:39

If it was me waiting in for confirmation of details, then I’d have texted to ask what the final plans were. Rather than just sitting in by myself waiting for a text.

chickpea1234 · 01/01/2020 10:39

Is the OP standing us up now Grin

YouTheCat · 01/01/2020 10:41

Op hasn't said that she pestered though and I'm sure she would have to make it sound like the invitee was irritating and make OP sound better.

I've known people like the OP. They make you an 'option' because you don't quite fit in.

motherheroic · 01/01/2020 10:43

@LazyDaisey Stop making up your own narrative.

sparklefarts · 01/01/2020 10:44

Ouch OP.
Definitely rude

beautifulstranger101 · 01/01/2020 10:47

Friend 1 latches on and pesters for details

From the description, thats not what was happening here at all. So this isn't applicable

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 01/01/2020 10:47

DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end

You told her she was welcome to come along if she was at a loose end. She was at a loose end. She accepted your invitation. You then fobbed her off, and then ignored her. Knowing she thought she was meeting up with you.

Yes, you were incredibly rude and mean.

You owe her an apology. Although I suspect you don’t really like this friend all that much so maybe it’s better to not apologise and let her realise that you don’t think much of her. At least that way you won’t have to invite her along to things you don’t want her to go to just to be polite.

By the way, it is obvious from your post you didn’t want her to come along when you were meeting your friends, but just to meet up with you afterwards to watch the fireworks. That wouldn’t have been very obvious to her. Fireworks last 10 minutes at 12am. Nobody would think they were just being invited out for that part of the night. She thought the invitation was to go along for the night. Not an unreasonable assumption.