Need opinions please! Was I rude?

[savethatkitty01]

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

yes, she followed it up so obviously wanted to join. why would you invite someone however casually if you didn't intend it? i'd be hurt.

If you said you’d get back to her and you knew she was waiting, then you should have sent a text a least. YABU

Yep rude.

You made it sound like you were going. Even saying probably indicates an intention of going and then inviting someone to join indicates even further you intend to go.

You must have known that your friend had no others plans when she first accepted and then text to ask details.

I had a friend like you once. I use to wait around for her to decide I was useful.
I now have a much better social life and a wider friendship group and often I'm busy when she texts me to ask to meet (because no one else wanted to be a hanger on either).

But at least I tell her I'm busy and don't leave her waiting

Yup. You were rude ad thoughtless.

Rude.

But you know that.

Yes yabu.
You should have kept her updated on your plans. You were wrong to invite her then ignore her. If you don't want someone there, don't mention the event.

OP you said that you weren’t sure what time it would be and that you would get back to her. Not nice to think of her getting ready and waiting for you to confirm the time (and not if you were actually going or not) and then you didn’t contact her at all!? Of course YABU.

Horribly rude and dreadfully unkind. I hope you're reading all of these responses and realising this!

LazyDaisey what a cruel way to view a lonely friend.

OP, I've pinned my whole morning on this thread, I've been waiting to hear from you and you haven't got back to me

Seriously though, it's clear that the majority think you have been rude, and although this appears to have been unintentional, you owe her a huge apology, and should make it up to her in a way that you know she would enjoy.

You know you were rude. You should apologise. Your friend deserved to be treated better, especially on NYE.

You were rude and unkind, OP. You clearly did invite your friend; she was clearly waiting to hear back from you, as that's what you said you'd do. The extraordinary thing about this is that you don't even appear to realise how unkind you were; how can you be surprised that your friend was upset about it?

You appear to be one of those people who sail through life unaware of the impact your actions have on other people.

LazyDaisey what a cruel way to view a lonely friend

Agree. I think this quote sums it up:

"Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated".

Maybe you didn't mean to be unkind; but this is how your friend has experienced it. If I were you I would apologise profusely.

I think you were thoughtless. It was obvious from your friends second message that she was planning to make it part of her nye night.

You and your poor attitude towards your friend highlights everything that is wrong with people these days!!!

This has to be a reverse?

No one could be this rude and then so have such little self awareness after the event?

Why didn't you take her out with your "out of town" friends? I can't understand people who try to segregate their mates like this, it seems very childish. She said she was free, so you should have just had her come along, then she could have left for fireworks or not at her own discretion. If you really needed a private catch-up with the other friends, then you should at least have had the decency to uninvited her sooner. I hope 2020 brings her better friends than you.

It seems that the OP has form for leaving people hanging, they haven't come back to the thread have they?!

Rude and inconsiderate.

@beautifulstranger101 also go where you’re not wanted.

Unkind rather than rude.

Very rude and inconsiderate.
I can believe you truly need people to explain why.

also go where you’re not wanted

Most normal people would presume being invited somewhere meant they were wanted. If the OP didnt want her there she shouldn't have invited her and told her she'd be in touch with the details.

@motherheroic stop piling on with your mob mentality, eh? You have no idea how the conversation went either so you imagining a lovely kind friend being abandoned is you making up your own narrative. Neither of us was there, nor does the OP give enough details.