Need opinions please! Was I rude?

[savethatkitty01]

I vaguely mentioned to my friend DH & I were meeting up with some friends visiting from out of town and we might go and watch the NYE fireworks, if she was at a loose end. No specific details were given and tbh I only really mentioned it to be polite. My friend messaged me to ask what time we would be going to watch the fireworks & I again reiterated we were catching up with our out of town friends and I wasn't sure, but I'd get back to her. As it turns out, we did catch up with our friends, but did not attend the NYE fireworks.

This morning I received a snarky message from my friend, asking me if I'd enjoyed the fireworks and she'd spent the evening alone as she was waiting to hear from me.

I was a little taken aback and explained we hadn't attended the fireworks after all.

Was I in the wrong? I am totally prepared to accept if I was, I am looking for insight. When I mentioned the loose plans to my friend, I didn't realise she would pin her entire evening on it.

You are not a good friend. You're actually quite the opposite and very self-centred if you actually need to ask this question.

Beyond rude! And on NYE! Your poor friend, left in her own waiting! How could you do that?? 🤦‍♀️.

Did you not think, not even once, during your night out, 'Oh shit! I forgot to call Jane! She'll be sat in all by herself!' 😱

No? There's your answer OP 👍

As for 'I was a little taken aback'. Cry me a fucking river.

So you gave her an insincere invitation (to be polite!) - if you didn’t mean it then why invite her - you could have just been honest and said you already had plans rather than raise her hopes then ditching her. You sound very cowardly. Instead you strung her along, safe in the knowledge you had alternative plans, ignored her follow up message and now don’t think you’ve done anything wrong?

If you didn’t Want to see her you should have just said rather than being a thoughtless bitch about - clearly you don’t Value your friend

Are you still on the sauce from last night?

Are you one of the arrogant types who assume anyone who doesn’t agree with you must be drunk?!

I don’t drink but crack on.

You didn’t get back to her OP, you just left her hanging. All you had to do was text her to say you weren’t going after all and wish her a Happy New Year. I can understand her being upset. Big apology required if you want the keep the friendship.

Jacques you're extrapolating idiotic things from the OP, so either you're on the sauce, or not too high on the EQ scale.

The OP did not invite her! She said she would invite her IF they went to the fireworks. They didn’t go, so there was no invitation. But she could have let her know that they weren’t going.

Guess you've got the message by now, OP - shame your poor friend didn't get one to let her know you weren't bothering to go to the fireworks after all!

She was waiting for the message you said you'd send to let her know details - all you had to do was message and say "sorry, not going to fireworks now" and she could have made alternative arrangements, or at least have realised that you didn't want her around after all.

Not nice behaviour on your part.

How can you not see YWBU? You mentioned the plans originally to her inviting her if she wanted to come. She then followed up and you said you would contact her but didn’t even to just mention you weren’t going out anymore

She said she would invite her IF they went to the fireworks. Are you seeing things?

I think it feels worse because it was NYE. DD had two sets of friends bail on her because they had better offers, so she went to visit another friend whose other friends bailed because they had better offers. She was also feeling down because she had recently been dumped by her BF of 4 years. This is why I hate NYE.

I voted YABU because being someone's second or third option is a horrible feeling.

Yes that's so rude. The second time you made it sound like you were still going but just weren't sure what time and you'd get back to her and let her know. Which you never did. YABU and she's every right to be annoyed you ditched her on NYE when you'd invited her to join you. I think you should apologise.

not too high on the EQ scale.

What's the EQ scale?

Empathy quotient. I just googled it as I have never heard of it either.

What's the EQ scale?

Emotional Quotient. Now seen as a better indicator of someone's ability to function in the real world than the old IQ. Google it. Or did you presume it was a typo and try to undermine me?

Jacques you're extrapolating idiotic things from the OP, so either you're on the sauce, or not too high on the EQ scale

Oh dear.

Or, here’s the thing, I have a different point of view. I genuinely think the friend could have texted prior to the night - if she didn’t, and chose to sit waiting that is her choice.

I’m very interested in your bombastic responses given you mention losing friends earlier.

Or did you presume it was a typo and try to undermine me?

Are you still on the sauce?

She said she would invite her IF they went to the fireworks. Are you seeing things? No. OP said they MIGHT go to the fireworks, if the friend was at a loose end. The invitation only arises if they were going to go, but they didn’t. So there was no invitation. It’s just a misunderstanding. The OP should have let the friend know, though.

You were clearly in the wrong, you may not have wanted to, but you actually did invite her to go, you said if she was at a loose end she could meet you doing what you had planned.

Then you cold shouldered her when she actually wanted to take you up on it.

TBH, you treated her really poorly here. If you didn't want her to go, you never should have said it. It was quite nasty of you to dangle the carrot of going and then just leave her out of it all.

Ouch OP.

That was bloody mean at worst and bloody thoughtless at best.

I genuinely think the friend could have texted prior to the night - if she didn’t, and chose to sit waiting that is her choice.

She probably indicated that she'd join the OP at the first conversation and presumed that was a given. She then texted on the day, to firm up plans and was told that the OP would let her know. She took the OP at her word and waited to hear. Heard nothing and ended up alone on NYE. Nothing foolish about that, unless you make duplicate plans in case one falls through.

OP, that was rude of you. Your poor friend. You’ve been quite mean.

7 pages in and you aren’t back.

Ok the first instance when you mentioned it and invited her to be polite was understandable but a bit misguided. But the second time was just a bit mean and if I were in your friend's position I would be pretty annoyed that you didn't (kindly) set me straight so I could have made other plans.

Where art thou OP?

Heard nothing and ended up alone on NYE. Nothing foolish about that, unless you make duplicate plans in case one falls through

Given she hasn’t heard firm plans - a time, meeting place etc, it would have been sensible to sort that out in the week prior? My point was friend could have been more proactive in sorting the evening.