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AIBU?

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Original poster

£100 for xmas dinner

491 replies

disneydatknee · 01/01/2020 00:59

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

OP posts:
Palaver1 · 02/01/2020 19:09

Just pay 50pounds and decide if you ever want to go again

Whiskeylover45 · 02/01/2020 19:10

The way we did it to spread the cost was everyone bought something. So my mum and dad bought the meat, me and DH bought the veg and sides, DSIS brought pudding. Everyone brought some alcohol. This way is fair, charging 100 per family is not. I would have just laughed in her face and asked for a breakdown invoice so you could see exactly why its 100 pounds. Doubt she will

Papilionem · 02/01/2020 19:10

Were you expected to clear up afterwards as well? The charge is totally unreasonable.

DickDewy · 02/01/2020 19:10

How peculiar. I have never heard of charging your guests for food. It is beyond rude.

Buggersticks · 02/01/2020 19:14

I can't actually believe this. I would never in a million years invite anyone (especially family) to eat at my house and then charge them for it!? Don't bloody pay £100, she's a right cheeky baggage for even suggesting it!! Think she needs itemise it or settle for £50. If you agreed to £50 then that's what you need to pay, if anything. Don't go to hers for dinner again!!

feltandfancy · 02/01/2020 19:23

I’d also like to know how she is entitled to get veg from a food waste charity? Surely this is for people why have nothing?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 02/01/2020 19:26

You agreed £50 to include alcohol, so I'd deduct from that and send her £40.

I don't mind anyone charging to cover costs as agreed in advance. I would hate a friend or family member to host and be out of pocket if they couldn't afford it and we love the company. However £100 is grossly inflated. I'm pleased your DH has your family first and is willing to make a stand.

Tistheseason17 · 02/01/2020 19:31

I'd send £40
£50 was the original amount. Less booze and pudding = £40.

I would not explain. I would just provide this money and only say something else if she has the cheek to ask.

shortytrekker · 02/01/2020 19:32

Exactly @Whiskeylover45 that's exactly how we did it this year and that worked perfectly.

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 02/01/2020 19:41

Sounds like she excluded her family from the calculation and forgot that she would be cooking for them if none of you went.

BrieAndChilli · 02/01/2020 19:44

All those saying who charges for Christmas dinner/wouldn’t dream of accepting money for hosting. You are all probably quite well off.

Say in a family there are 4 households. No one can afford to host more than thier own little family.
Should they all have Christmas at home just them or should one person host and everyone contribute. No one is paying more than they would if they did it separately and possibly paying less and they all get to spend Christmas together.
It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to realise that there are lots of people who can’t afford to feed extra people, doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to spend Christmas with loved ones.

Giving money sounds quite mercenary and in most households people contribute actual food/drink but there are reasons money is easier for some people - if they have to travel far, or don’t have a car at all, or don’t like shopping, or there are dietary requirements that mean it’s best for one person to get everything to make sure no containination, etc

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 02/01/2020 19:46

One brings prepped veg, another brings a bottle of wine crackers and pud, everything else we do. No way would I charge guests but some do and want courses/booze as well. Don't do it.

browneyes77 · 02/01/2020 19:47

I’ve never really understood this whole “charging family for Xmas dinner’ thing.

If you invite people to your home to feed them, then you are the host and are responsible for catering costs? If you can’t afford it, then don’t offer surely?

It wouldn’t occur to me to charge my family if I’d invited them round for Xmas dinner.

For that price you may as well go eat Xmas dinner at a restaurant! She’s taking the piss!

When I go to my OH mothers for Xmas dinner, she’s buys the veg and we buy the turkey. She doesn’t ask us to, we just think that’s a fair and nice thing to do, considering she’s cooking for us. But then I also help her with all the prep and cooking because I feel bad her doing it all on her own! But there’s no expectation!

milveycrohn · 02/01/2020 19:48

I have never heard of charging people before. The usual thing is for everyone to bring something, including desserts, drinks, nibbles, etc, so the host does not have the entire cost.
Wow! I've missed a trick over the years!

Glitterfisher · 02/01/2020 19:52

I totally agree that for a one off party/dinner etc or if people alternate xmas dinner then you would never ask for a contribution. I would never attend empty handed personally though, take booze I would drink, a bottle for the host plus maybe flowers or chocolates.

If one family have to host every year purely for the reason of space etc then surely splitting the costs makes sense, it's no different to everyone bringing one part of the meal each. It's ridiculous to insist that you can't have dinner together if one family can't afford to pay for 10-15 guests each time. There is no way a family could eat out or even eat/drink at home including all the extras for less than £50.

Charging £100 is outrageous as it's to make a profit and not splitting the cost.

MN is ridiculously stuck up at times!

IsabelleSE19 · 02/01/2020 19:54

BrieAndChilli's post sums up perfectly why in some families, money changes hands. As there still seem to be people not understanding! (Although again I should stress that OP is different as the amount was changed after the fact)

Smelborp · 02/01/2020 19:57

Even asking for £50 with alcohol was cheeky. I would say that you’d budgeted for £50?with alcohol included. Since you had to buy alcohol, you’ll deduct that and send £30 for all of you. It’s still way way more than she spent on you.

I might also ask her to justify the cost if I was happy to have an argument and she’s being such a CF I think I’d be fine with that.

Dowser · 02/01/2020 20:03

I took stuff to my daughters as did my son and family
We then hosted a New Year’s Eve party

mathanxiety · 02/01/2020 20:06

Say in a family there are 4 households. No one can afford to host more than thier own little family.
Should they all have Christmas at home just them or should one person host and everyone contribute.

What's wrong with spending Christmas with your own nuclear family and the wider family getting together for mince pies on Boxing Day?

mathanxiety · 02/01/2020 20:07

And what's wrong with everyone contributing a dish instead of money?

2018SoFarSoGreat · 02/01/2020 20:09

FFS it has been said over and over again - in some cases it makes perfect sense to charge to host, to allow families to be together, eat well and celebrate the holiday. Why can't people get their heads around that simple idea? Keeping on about it is simply rude.

I choose to host every year. I like it. I can afford it. So can others, but they don't invite us so we invite them. Our choice. We like good quality, organic food, so we pay for it. Again, our choice. I won't add up the cost because that would (probably make me faint!) defeat the good feeling I am left with. Everyone had a lovely day, lovely food and drink. We were all together. We chose that.

OP send the $50 then you know you've done the right thing. And never go back.

SunshineCake · 02/01/2020 20:12

Bollocks to it is his sister so the dh should deal with this. She is family too.

Jack80 · 02/01/2020 20:14

I wouldn't pay to go anywhere for food unless it's a restaurant, I don't mine paying towards food or bringing food but no change would I pay to go to someone house for lunch

Original poster
disneydatknee · 02/01/2020 20:16

Oh bloody hell. This thread blew up didnt it! I will pay the originally agreed upon amount. I'm not about to try and claim myself a free dinner just because I think shes a cf. Good to know it's not just me then that thinks this is a ridiculous amount for what we got. To those asking about the food charity. We have one local to us where you pay £1 donation to get in. Its run in a church hall. It is designed to reduce food waste and local supermarkets donate perishable goods. It's open to anyone. You dont need to be refered. If the beckhams wanted to use it they could.

OP posts:
ToftyAC · 02/01/2020 20:16

Bugger that OP! I’d send her £25 and say that ma half the original agreement as there was no booze (as agreed) and you’re not paying her for pudding when she didn’t provide it. Cheeky bitch! I’ve never asked for any contribution when hosting and neither have my family. Though if we are being hosted by family we do take all manner of nice things.

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