£100 for xmas dinner

[disneydatknee]

We went to sis inlayws for xmas dinner this year and shes charging £100 per family. No alcohol was provided, we had to bring our own. Pud was brought by another family member. All her veg was free from a local charity for food waste. So she only paid for meat which I ate about half a palmful of beef of. My family consists of 2 adults and 2 children that ate fuck all. Aibu to say I'm not fucking paying it? No back story or drip feed. This is it!

Why do people keep talking about all the extra things that they buy that make the meal expensive? It doesn't sound like the SIL did buy those things so not really relevant. Some people just have turkey and veg and pudding.

TheChosenTwo you forgot loo rolls on your list!

And that extension to your dining room you had pay for. £15k on that, but you will use it again down the road.

@Thelastlittledragon yes I did! Thankfully I hadn’t forgotten them on the day

I guess she is charging for the cooking and cleaning costs as well. Like giving herself a salary per hour spend doing so or something or hiring a cleaner and paying from your contributions.

I wonder if she's remembered to include depreciation on soft furnishings and carpet?

I worked out on another thread that the total cost of hosting christmas was around £1500. The crackers, napkins, candles for the table, saw a nice new water jug, we needed another dinner service

But you wouldn’t pass on the cost of water jugs and a new dinner service to you guests, clearly.

@fedup21 well of course not, I haven’t charged anyone for anything

I shop in Morrisons. With the More points and extra offers for the points throughout the year (plus the Christmas saver which netted £39 worth of points) I saved £265 of points throughout the year. Pretty much paid for Christmas dinner with it and some left over. Don’t miss the money for it this way. Bought the dgc’s an extra present and put what was left towards goodies for fil’s hamper!

In this situation I’d have been sending a
‘Hi SIL, we budgeted for the original £50 so can be nosy and ask how it’s doubled? Given there was no alcohol provided and X brought the pudding and I’m struggling to see where all that money went.’

SIL ofc wouldn’t like it...CF’s never like being called out!

Being charged for Christmas dinner is CF at its highest level. I have read some frankly bizarre threads on here before but this takes the biscuit! £100 as well? WTAF, I would have refused to go personally.

Asking guests to bring a dish or alcohol is fine and normal. Asking for money is just rude.

This is fucked up.
I really don’t get why people willingly pay family for food .
Bring a dish by all means but I’d never ask for money

I am gobsmacked at the very idea of being billed for a family dinner? I mean, being asked to bring a dish (which is what my mil does, due to limited oven space) and a bottle seems standard, but asking for cash is beyond cheeky!

Being charged for Christmas dinner is CF at its highest level

I strongly disagree. DH and I are lucky enough to belong to a family where our parents and siblings are happy to take their turn hosting, have the facilities go do so and can comfortably afford to cater for 10 adults and a couple of kids. In this set up saying ‘shall we bring dessert/alcohol/crackers?’ Is plenty.

^ This is not the reality for many.
A relatively lavish Sunday dinner for that many people, alcohol, nibbles, cheese and crackers...etc even if you’re thrifty can very easily exceed £300 and that’s a lot if the same people are hosting every year.

It makes sense to pool resources so everyone can enjoy the day the way they want it. Some people would much prefer to stick £20 per adult in a pot and never have to host!

What is CF’ery is people who profit from it or don’t communicate it beforehand.

Sounds like she's done it as a cash cow, scamming her own family.

DO NOT give her £100!! Give her the value of what you ate.

‘Hi SIL, we budgeted for the original £50 so can be nosy and ask how it’s doubled? Given there was no alcohol provided and X brought the pudding and I’m struggling to see where all that money went.’

She'll probably add in a service charge, and a hospitality charge.

I have never ever heard of families asking for payments for Christmas dinners, it's very odd.. If you cannot afford to make a dinner for family,then don't invite anyone. People usually take along some dessert,or booze etc,as a matter of good will,and that's it.

Several PPs have pointed out why sometimes it is acceptable for families to contribute money for Christmas, but sadly some people still don't seem to be taking it in. It's making me feel quite upset as I accepted some financial contributions from a couple of family members this year. So just in case it helps people understand how it might be for people in different circumstances from them…

We always host (for the last six years since we moved) - we're the only ones with a house that is (just about) big enough to have people to stay. This year there were 11 people in the house for three days from Christmas Eve, needing to be fed and watered for those three days. I don't really relax at Christmas as I am constantly thinking about the next meal, who needs a drink etc. We were particularly cash-poor this year, and so I accepted some money from a couple of family members. But according to some people this makes me rude and grabby. Should poorer families should just be on their own at Christmas as it's oh-so-shocking to need money to host? If we took turns hosting that would be fine, but we don't.

Sorry OP, this was a slight derail - I think the unreasonable behaviour here is not necessarily the paying, but the upping the agreed amount when you actually got less than expected. Pay what you agreed and leave it at that I reckon.

@IsabelleSE19 you didn't just serve Christmas dinner though so not really the same thing. People here are talking about whether it is reasonable to charge for one meal given the family take it in turns to provide the meal and it is not always at the sister-in-law's house.

@Isabelle

Don’t take it personally.

If one family member hosts an unfair amount, or everyone wants to enjoy a bit more lavish of an event, it’s totally fine to take contributions and does not make you cheeky or grabby in the slightest!

It’s honestly just people who profit, don’t be upfront about it or don’t provide what they promise that are CF’s.

MN would prefer that great uncle George and Aunty Doris spend the day alone because you can’t afford to feed 14 adults with all the trimmings - at the most expensive time of year!

@woodchuck99 I agree that's not the point of this thread, but there are plenty of posters making general comments about how wrong it is to take money from family when you're hosting. This from the post before mine: If you cannot afford to make a dinner for family,then don't invite anyone. Further up: I really don’t get why people willingly pay family for food . That's just this page - there are plenty more earlier in the thread.

That's mental. I cooked dinner for 12 this year, turkey, ham etc. I bought booze but people bought some too.
Afterwards my mum insisted I had £20 towards it, but she did this in secret in traditional older lady style lol

Don't take it personally @IsabelleSE19. There are a LOT of people who post on MN who struggle to grasp that other people's lives are not the same as theirs.

I think this goes against the spirit of Christmas. Isn't it supposed to just be about sharing a meal with loved ones? Charging (especially that much) takes the piss and takes the shone off it. Can't family take it in turns, so you'd cook the next year. Might as well eat out on Christmas day if paying for it.

£100! That's madness. I've cooked a Christmas dinner and bought our weeks shopping for £150 before, six adults and one child at that point. Not too long ago, about 8 years I'd say.

How on Earth can she justify that amount? I don't mind chipping in, we each bought a dish this year to help the host and spread cost but £100 is ludicrous.