As an older man user (65)

[ButterflyBook]

I see a lot of posts asking for advice about symptoms, children's injuries, often with pictures. Thinking back to when my children were small and I was hundreds of miles away from family, husband worked away for weeks at a time and I had to make these judgement calls alone without benefit of the internet - do any of you think this is de-skilling mothers?
Not saying it's a bad thing to ask Mumsnet, I wish I'd had a access in those dark old days. But can't help thinking it's taking away some of the innate human autonomy that guides our decisions. I know it's good to share and ask, but sometimes there's nobody to share with or ask. Will it make us lose the ability to cope alone?

This is going to go well.

Typo in title?

Sometimes I wonder if you are right when you see basic questions that get asked on this forum. I remember years ago some posters kid was badly badly ill and if I recall correctly, turning blue and they came onto Mumsnet to ask what to do.

I typed MN user. Not man. Maybe won't get the responses I expected

🙄 no I dont think it is de-Skilling mothers. I actually think your experience is the unusual one. As humans we tend to seek advice from our community. With the internet being so freely available that community extends to forums like this.

The good days when people put butter on burns and sponged children down with vinegar for a fever.

I'm really glad people have somewhere to ask they they might get sensible answers.

Not everyone has confidence in their own decision making.

I think it’s great there’s a resource even if the responses are “get immediate help”.

but sometimes there's nobody to share with or ask.

When?

My mum was a GP. She had phone calls day and night from her friends and relatives worried about their small children. Her friends who were HCPs had the same. People did the same thing with the contacts and resources they had. Of course there is the issue of what constitutes a reliable source but that has always been there

• but sometimes there's nobody to share with or ask.

When?*

All the time for some people, the isolation of some is appalling.

Was it deskilling mothers in the past when they asked friends? Family? Neighbours.

It’s all the same. Only now we have instant access to people to ask; that’s all.

“ I know it's good to share and ask, but sometimes there's nobody to share with or ask. Will it make us lose the ability to cope alone?”

Yeah but people will always have to cope alone if that is the only avenue open to them. And is the alternative to force people to “cope alone” artificially as some sort of learning experience? That seems pretty cruel and unnecessary

I remember my mum having a big book of illnesses/symptoms etc. when I was younger (I loved reading it!). No different to google or mumsnet really. Even further back in time you would have been able to access people within the community with knowledge about health and disease. The difference is just now that modern living means that our ‘villages’ tend to be online rather than physical.

I didn't post this to stir up trouble. I just sometimes wonder how my kids ever survived when they only had me to make the ultimate decision, yet I had nobody to ask for advice. We muddled through. Now there's MN to ask. Will mums totally rely on that now then? Some things I see asked now are either nothing at all to worry about - or some I'd have been at a and e half an hour ago. We used to make these decisions without Mumsnet. So is it de skilling mums if the wi fi goes down?

First time I’ve heard of this innate human autonomy that guides our medical decisions, but have fun self-diagnosing.

Frankly I've asked questions before but I can't think of a time that I've ever then gone against my initial instincts. I doubt anyone else does either. Plus it hardly matters because advice always airs on the side of caution anyway so it hardly matters

“ Will mums totally rely on that now then?”

Obviously not. Not all mothers are on MN, and it’s not the only resource MNers as a group turn to. This is a silly suggestion

“ Some things I see asked now are either nothing at all to worry about - or some I'd have been at a and e half an hour ago. We used to make these decisions without Mumsnet.”

And some people were not making the same decisions as you would have done back then too. You just didn’t know about it

YANBU get your tin hat on though OP... there are some interesting MNers here 😔

I often type "YABU to even ask this!"
I kind of agree about the fear of autonomy.
Not just childcare qeustions, but "Shall I do this difficult decision or that awkward decision." FFS, just woman up & figure it out & live with your own decisions. Stop asking the world & her oyster how to live your life.

No it's pooling wisdom and sharing anxiety..

I think it’s just a modern version of asking your friends, family and neighbours for help and advice. Hopefully with enough sensible knowledgeable folk to drown out the rubbish old wives advice like vinegar sponging for a fever

YABU
I expect most people posting queries could figure things out on their own if they had to, but why should they, if they can easily access better information?
I don't agree that innate human autonomy necessarily leads to better decision-making, at least on medical issues.

The parent still has to make the ultimate decision. MN is a tool to help guide some parents (obviously many many parents don’t use MN or forums at all), and often people don’t have support networks around them nowadays.
My grandmother was a paediatric nurse, so my mum asked her for advice. Many parents ask their mothers/friends/siblings/grandparents for advice. MN is just another source of advice.