As an older man user (65)

[ButterflyBook]

I see a lot of posts asking for advice about symptoms, children's injuries, often with pictures. Thinking back to when my children were small and I was hundreds of miles away from family, husband worked away for weeks at a time and I had to make these judgement calls alone without benefit of the internet - do any of you think this is de-skilling mothers?
Not saying it's a bad thing to ask Mumsnet, I wish I'd had a access in those dark old days. But can't help thinking it's taking away some of the innate human autonomy that guides our decisions. I know it's good to share and ask, but sometimes there's nobody to share with or ask. Will it make us lose the ability to cope alone?

We used to make these decisions without Mumsnet

Ah, and there’s the crux of the thread.

Congratulations on being such a superior parent - is that what you were after?

Yeah there were people I could ask about things make a doctors Appointment. But in the evenings I was pretty much alone with them so if it was an immediate worry I had to decide whether to tog them all up and haul them out in the car or wait till morning. Nobody to ask advice from. No internet and no 111

Congratulations on being such a superior parent - is that what you were after?
Far from it. You've misread my intention.

Any maybe sometimes you made the wrong decision. Asking advice from forums can help you avoid that.

Yes I agree with you. I’m in my 30s.
The answers aren’t usually on a screen, if women tuned into their gut instincts more they wouldn’t need to ask all this stuff x

ragged Those people would have just annoyed you in real life instead. It’s not a mumsnet thing, it’s just people. Easier to avoid in real life perhaps, or perhaps they would sense your frustration and not open up to you, but equally irritating threads on here can be ignored

You've misread my intention

Uh huh.

So what is the intention? Because you’ve mentioned at least 3 times how you did it without needing to ask for advice....

In the evenings my DH is there to run it through with. I’ve spent tonight in a&e with my 6 year old while my DH looked after my 4 and 1 year olds. I’m rarely in a situation where I’d have to make the decision entirely on my own, so does that mean I am an unskilled mother?

Was it deskilling mothers in the past when they asked friends? Family? Neighbours

Probably not. I was viewing from the standpoint of those who are isolated from these channels of support.

“ if women tuned into their gut instincts more they wouldn’t need to ask all this stuff”

Many women have talked things through with friends and acquaintances since time immemorial. The ones who don’t, you won’t see on here asking questions anyway.

Looking at some of the threads on here I do wonder how some mn users actually function. That said there’s no harm in getting opinions if you’re stuck making a decision.

I dont understand how on earth having access to more information could possibly "de-skill" people. There used to be many old wives tales about back then that have now been proven to be flat out dangerous. By your raitonale- what's the point of doctors?- just figure it out yourself!

it could very well, I have often thought google means that we can find most things out we want to know now, we dont know what its like to not be able to find something out, I also think this of mobile phones - as a teenager I could go to school one morning, go straight to a friends after school, stay at her house and not get back home til the next day - so I hadn't been in contact with my mum for 24 hrs. then when I was 13 I went to France for 3 weeks and didn't speak to her in all that time. society tends to adapt though doesn't it with technology? with Mumsnet, people aren't always wanting answers, they're wanting different view points and that can be helpful in making decisions I guess.

I don't agree that innate human autonomy necessarily leads to better decision-making, at least on medical issues
I absolutely agree. But sometimes it's the only option available.

infant and child mortality has decreased so honestly the internet and increased assistance has saved lives.
with more fact based information ideas like putting butter on a burn is rarely passed on.
especially when someone is able to post a link to official info i think it's a really good tool.
and if you become adept with online information (what hints take you to researched sites) you are more empowered and able to parent to your best ability.

It's not innate in some of us. I spent the first few years of motherhood floundering. MN and other online sites would have been invaluable to me. Better to have too much advice than not enough.

YABU. In past times, some people sought advice from friends and family. In the modern day, some people seek advice online. It’s hardly the large majority. We get it, you’re great and did it all yourself. Many people need advice and support. It doesn’t make them weak or less skilled. In fact, I think it’s a positive to be able to ask for help. Knowing when you need advice is a strength.

Because you’ve mentioned at least 3 times how you did it without needing to ask for advice....

Not me. Everybody who had kids before the internet

“ But sometimes it's the only option available.”

And when that’s the case - eg no phone reception etc - people manage. They do, because they have to. But if the alternative is for people to artificially isolate themselves from sources of support when they need it as some sort of weird learning experience for an unspecified time when they don’t have access to those resources then that’s just bonkers.

I do someyimes wonder about what would happen if the internet vanished. I only realise when it goes down how much I use it and rely on it, so yes, probably in a way it's stopping some people learning things the way they used to. But also teaching others things theyd never have learned.

Everybody who had kids before the internet

But it’s not the case that everybody who had kids before the internet had to make the decision themselves. Pre internet people still had husbands/parents/friends/parents/grandparents/siblings. MN is just another source of advice.

Many women have talked things through with friends and acquaintances since time immemorial

I do that most people do that. I'm talking about a sudden unexpected issue where you have nobody to consult and you have to make a decision quickly

There seem to be two strands on here - people talking about non-urgent life queries that they don’t think people should need to talk through with others, and potentially concerning medical situations. As in times before the internet, different people dealt with these situations differently and they still do. But you just come across people who ask for more advice more frequently if you access forums like mumsnet.

I'm talking about a sudden unexpected issue where you have nobody to consult and you have to make a decision quickly

Surely that’s a fairly small percentage of issues though? I’ve never consulted the internet on a medical issue, but also have never been in the situation when I’ve had absolutely no one to consult. I’ve either had my mum, or my husband, or a friend.

“ I do that most people do that. I'm talking about a sudden unexpected issue where you have nobody to consult and you have to make a decision quicklY”

That response was to another poster - and I’ve addressed both your thing about quick decisions without access to eg the internet, and the fact that different posters here are talking about different types of questions on Internet forums